What is wrong with me ?

[Deleted User]

Hi everyone

Just want some perspective really. Is this menopausal perhaps given I'm 50 ?

I am feeling really low at the moment and I can't figure out what's going on. I have always been a really strong confident person and these feelings of hopelessness seem to have come out the blue and I can't make sense of them.

When I get low I get real feeling of being totally fed up with my lot and how life hasn't panned out as I thought and if only id done things differently yet when I force myself to look on the positive I have so much to look forward to and feel optimistic that the things making me miserable I can influence and change.

For a while now I have felt I hate my job but I look around at all my colleagues who seem to be able to cope with the monotony and seem to have fun whereas I sit there seething. The people are nice but a lot younger than me. The hours of the job are great aswell and suit me. I've tried to analyse why I think I'm miserable there as on paper it was what I wanted .

It maybe that I thought it'd be easier to get a new job but there isn't much around at the moment.

I do feel disappointed with myself that at the age of 50 I should have retired by now and here I am still working and having to until I'm 58 to get my pension yet I know others who will have to work for a lot longer.

I think all these 'problems ' are of my own making but I can't shake this awful pessimism .

Anyone else had this ?

LilElvis

What are you disillusioned with? Work, family, living situation, social life, planned retirement date?

Your post only refers to work, but is that all that is bothering you?

Hermia

BBH123 wrote: »

For a while now I have felt I hate my job but I look around at all my colleagues who seem to be able to cope with the monotony and seem to have fun whereas I sit there seething. The people are nice but a lot younger than me. The hours of the job are great aswell and suit me. I've tried to analyse why I think I'm miserable there as on paper it was what I wanted .

Has your life become all about work? I think some people don't mind monotonous jobs because they work to fund their real interests. One of my friends has a tedious job, but she sings in her local choir, runs a hiking group and in heavily involved with her church. She says her brain would be overloaded if work was too stimulating as well! Maybe your colleagues are similar? Saying you are seething sounds more like anger not boredom.

[Deleted User]

There are other things but for everything I think is a negative I know there are positives too so just don't understand how I can't shake this forboding .

Ie I don't have many friends but the ones I have are good ones but they live far away and we tend to organise big days out ,

I have moved around a lot in life and don't have close / coffee friends locally which I tried to put right by joining a couple of local social groups but the age mix wasn't right in that one group was 30s based and the other seemed to be 60+ whereas really I fit in with 40 : 50's

I split up with my partner 4yts ago and don't have kids so although I am alone I don't have the energy or inclination to be on the dating scene

My living accommodation is not ideal in that I'm waiting to build a house on my own land but am slumming it until I can

All these things are normal life but normally if be very gung-ho about getting things sorted but I seem to be hit with some kind of inertia and can't see a way forward.

[Deleted User]

Hermia wrote: »

Has your life become all about work? I think some people don't mind monotonous jobs because they work to fund their real interests. One of my friends has a tedious job, but she sings in her local choir, runs a hiking group and in heavily involved with her church. She says her brain would be overloaded if work was too stimulating as well! Maybe your colleagues are similar? Saying you are seething sounds more like anger not boredom.

Yes that a good point and everyday I try and focus on the positives . I think maybe because my colleagues don't seem to have any aspirations other than socialising : drinking at the weekends they are happy with their lot . None of them have hobbies / interests other than clothes and drinking tbh.

LilElvis

I know it's not always easy to "put yourself out there", but the first stage is to prioritise what you want to change. Is it building your house, having a child, your social life or having a relationship? Set yourself some achievable goals and work towards them as once you can see forward momentum it is always easier to see how you can move your next goal forward too.

[Deleted User]

Thankyou yes a good idea although Deffo can't have a child at 50 lol if really like to find some solo travelling social forums but haven't found any yet .

duchy

Why not find groups whose main focus isn't promoted as "social" but as shared interest ? People with shared interests tend to find other things in common too and friendships begin.

I have a really diverse social circle -many of us come from very different backgrounds and even cultures , some are married , some single but we all have one common interest that introduced us. One thing I will say about women in their fifties is that some do tend to be less about friends and more family centred when grandchildren come along and socializing becomes less important as that time is spent with grandchildren.

The fact you refer to your present life as "slumming it" may give a clue to why people aren't encouraged to include you if you are giving the impression that you are too good for your current occupation and simply killing time until something better comes along instead. Who wants a friend who thinks they are slumming it after all. The life you look down on may be the only life your prospective friends have- and they may be quite happy to have it (and friends who don't look down their nose at their lives but like them for who they are ). To have a friend you need to be a friend - maybe think about what you offer in a friendship and how you can make that what prospective friends see first ? You may be unwittingly giving the wrong impression.

ravilious_fan

BBH123 wrote: »

Hi everyone

Just want some perspective really. Is this menopausal perhaps given I'm 50 ?

I am feeling really low at the moment and I can't figure out what's going on. I have always been a really strong confident person and these feelings of hopelessness seem to have come out the blue and I can't make sense of them.

When I get low I get real feeling of being totally fed up with my lot and how life hasn't panned out as I thought and if only id done things differently yet when I force myself to look on the positive I have so much to look forward to and feel optimistic that the things making me miserable I can influence and change.

For a while now I have felt I hate my job but I look around at all my colleagues who seem to be able to cope with the monotony and seem to have fun whereas I sit there seething. The people are nice but a lot younger than me. The hours of the job are great aswell and suit me. I've tried to analyse why I think I'm miserable there as on paper it was what I wanted .

It maybe that I thought it'd be easier to get a new job but there isn't much around at the moment.

I do feel disappointed with myself that at the age of 50 I should have retired by now and here I am still working and having to until I'm 58 to get my pension yet I know others who will have to work for a lot longer.

I think all these 'problems ' are of my own making but I can't shake this awful pessimism .

Anyone else had this ?

I think a lot of people get to middle age or a milestone birthday (40 or 50 perhaps) and they start to evaluate their lives, and it can lead to feelings of disappointment, of self-doubt, of wondering if you did (or are doing) the right thing, could you have done better, etc.

There is also the added "burden" of realising that you're no longer young, gloomy though that sounds, it's the truth.

But.. all is not lost! Concentrate on the positives of being older, think of the things you want to do, things that make you happy. Write a list of things you really want to do, and see if you can accomplish at least some of those things. Then it won't matter if you have a crap job, as it'll just be seen as a means to doing what you want to do!

Mojisola

BBH123 wrote: »

Yes that a good point and everyday I try and focus on the positives .

BBH123 wrote: »

Thankyou yes a good idea although Deffo can't have a child at 50 lol if really like to find some solo travelling social forums but haven't found any yet .

http://www.singlesholiday.co.uk/chatroom.html
https://www.solosforum.com/forum/

Are you sure you look for the positives? LilElvis suggested a list of things and you picked out the one impossible thing.

I'd second LilElvis' other comments - chose one small thing to achieve and work towards it, then something else and do that. The momentum you create by doing that will change your attitude and the satisfaction you get from seeing something finished should lift your spirits.

ravilious_fan

I meant to add this snippet of wisdom in my post. I forget who said it, but I think it's true:


We all need three things in life: something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.