confused married woman

JIL

Are you sure of your feelings towards the other lady? Could you just be looking at the life she has and mistaking envy for something else?
See your doctor and try and get some counselling, not easy as there's usually a bit of a waiting list, but until you figure out what you actually want, it won't help the situation with your husband.
Best wishes.

BrassicWoman

1. No means no. Leave the woman alone; it's never going to be the same now

2. Marriage guidance?

Running_Horse

What I'm reading is lots of you not bothering, him getting the message and not bothering back, and you assuming this means he doesn't care. Men aren't psychic. In fact we're pretty stupid most of the time. If you want a happy marriage you have to put in some work and communicate. If you're not bothered about throwing away the life you have built together, then carry on the way you are going.

TBagpuss

OK, you have a couple of issues. One is the issue of whether you and your husband can salvage you marriage and the other is whether you are bisexual or lesbian, and if so, whether you want to explore that side of yourself even if it means the end of your mariage.

A marriage, or other relationship, takes work. It sounds as though you are your husband have started to drift apart. SAetting aside your feelingsof attraction to another person, have you actually sat downwith your husband to talk about your relationship with him? Think about the things which brought you together, why did you fall in love, what atracted you to him, wha tdo you like or love about him? Are there any specific issues or incidents which have caused problems, and what did you do (singly or as a couple) to resolve them? Do you make as much effort now to support and enjoy each other as you did when you first got together? If not, think about whether you can change that, and invest more time and energy in the relationship you have.

Consider suggesting that the two of you go to Relate or speak to a counsellor - it may help you to communicate better witheach other and to work our whether you can makethe relationship work again, and if you can't, the it may hekp you to better communicate to work out how to separate in as friendly a way as possible.

In terms of your feelings for the other woman, I agree with the poster who says that this lady is not interested in you. However, you told her how you feel, so the ball is in her court now., If you are right to think she may like you then she can amke the next move, but you should back off. I would also suggest that you look at your current relatinship and decide what you want and whether it is achievable first.
It's rarely a good idea to start a new relationship before ending the old one. Also - try to be honest with yourself about youyr feeling sand attractions - is it possible that part of the attraction is that you don't feel as though you are cheating if you approach another woman?

Bear in mind that many bisexual people are in monogamous relationships. Just because you may find a wider range of people sexually attractive does not mean that you have to act on that. So do think carefully about what you want. If you still love your hsuband and want to be with him then the factthat you find some women attractive and may have fantasies about other women as well as finding some men attractive and having fantasies involving men doesn't really change anything - eiother way, you are married and your husband is the person you have chosen to be with. You can, ofcourse, discuss with hm whather the two of you want to consider moving towards having an open or polyamourous relationship, in which case you will need to discuss, as a couple, how you will apporach that and what your ground rules and boundaries as a couple will be.

if you have decided that your marriage is over and that you no longer want to be with your husband, then deal with that, then when you start looking for a new partner you can take into account the fact that that relationship might be with a man or with a woman. You can also conside rwhether you would prefer an open or polyamorous relatinship and can be open and upfront about that with any potential partners.

Mr_Costcutter

OP, you sound very confused to say the very least. Have you considered taking a few days away from the situation to think things through? Maybe time on your own would afford you the opportunity to reflect and consider matters.

paddyrg

Couples counselling - it can either get to the root, or it'll clarify what you're both going to do next.

The other issue about the attraction to the friend, in reality when you look back it's likely to just be a distracting crush to fill the void left in your relationship. Yes, you may find you're bi- but until you know where you are in your relationship, it's pretty moot.

heartbreak_star

I think some counselling would do you more good than a psychic.

HBS x

MPD

plump-duck wrote: »

I am seeing a psychic this week and am hoping that helps? ?

Don't.

They can't see the future, otherwise they would be be too rich to bother with you.

They can read the vulnerable and gullible.

Giving someone money to put on a show like this is not money saving.

System

You cant base your future on what a psychic comes up with.

mark5

Have you always had a thing for other women or is this a first for you?

Have you ever had problems with ocd type issues?

If the first question is yes then ignore the 2nd question but if the first question is no then the 2nd question could be relevant.

I would have thought most ppl would know their sexuality by a younger age than you are now, unless you have had doubts before.
For me personally if my wife said she was in to women it would ruin me but other guys would love it. Think carefully about this, is it a case of your lonely, confused or is it genuine lust.

I've always thought sex is a good indicator of what state a relationship is in but from your husbands point of view if he's not getting it he will go in to his shell this is a catch 22 because you then feel distant from him and don't want it, men and women and how they think!