confused married woman

plump-duck

Hi,

Needing to off load and maybe get advice at the same time. I am married to a lovely guy and we have been to gather 15 years. Until about 1.5 years ago we were very close however we gave now completely drifted apart and hardly talk to each other and when we go to bed we don't even say goodnight anymore. He became distant about the 1.5 year ago and I still made the effort but then decides to hold back a bit as I was fed up doing that all the time when he could not care less. Now we are a but of a mess and don't have any relationship really, maybe just friends? I do love him but don't feel in love with him anymore! ! Sex is no existent, I don't feel able to as I feel so unloved and uncared for.

To make things a whole lot worse, in the last 9-10 months I have found myself very attracted to a female who I know socially but not well. I stupidly messaged her a couple of weeks back and told her, she was shocked to say the least and said she doesn't see me that way. I was gutted and have been a nervous wreck since. I have briefly spoken to her since and she says she was taken aback as she is just out if a relationship and I am married. I have told her I am not happily married but she wants to leave the messages in the past. I may be stupid but I kinda do think she likes me but I don't know what to do??? Do I try and make things work with my husband who is lovely but I think our relationship is finished? Or do I leave him and see what happens in the future either on my own or with this girl?
We have two children together and I worry about how I would survive money wise, I do work but only earn £700 a month?
My head is a mess and I am starting to feel really low and depressed, that's not me at all. I have no time for the kid and am at my wits end!! I am seeing a psychic this week and am hoping that helps? ?

Thank you

DomRavioli

plump-duck wrote: »

Hi,

Needing to off load and maybe get advice at the same time. I am married to a lovely guy and we have been to gather 15 years. Until about 1.5 years ago we were very close however we gave now completely drifted apart and hardly talk to each other and when we go to bed we don't even say goodnight anymore. He became distant about the 1.5 year ago and I still made the effort but then decides to hold back a bit as I was fed up doing that all the time when he could not care less. Now we are a but of a mess and don't have any relationship really, maybe just friends? I do love him but don't feel in love with him anymore! ! Sex is no existent, I don't feel able to as I feel so unloved and uncared for.

To make things a whole lot worse, in the last 9-10 months I have found myself very attracted to a female who I know socially but not well. I stupidly messaged her a couple of weeks back and told her, she was shocked to say the least and said she doesn't see me that way. I was gutted and have been a nervous wreck since. I have briefly spoken to her since and she says she was taken aback as she is just out if a relationship and I am married. I have told her I am not happily married but she wants to leave the messages in the past. I may be stupid but I kinda do think she likes me but I don't know what to do??? SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. Do I try and make things work with my husband who is lovely but I think our relationship is finished? Or do I leave him and see what happens in the future either on my own or with this girl?
We have two children together and I worry about how I would survive money wise, I do work but only earn £700 a month?
My head is a mess and I am starting to feel really low and depressed, that's not me at all. I have no time for the kid and am at my wits end!! I am seeing a psychic this week and am hoping that helps? ?

Thank you

OP, you clearly state she isn't interested in you in that way in your own post.

Leave her alone, see your GP for the depression, and have a frank and honest discussion with your husband before you do anything else. Whatever you both ultimately decide, it has to be talked through, not ran away from.

tea_lover

The day you start professing your feelings to someone else, your marriage is over. Now have the decency to actually tell your husband that.

The fact that it's a woman is completely irrelevant.

pathtofreedom

Have you asked him what's worrying him? Could things be bad at his work, risk of redundancy or something, and he doesn't want to worry you? Or he could be stressed about something else, or depressed which has made him withdrawn?

The fact you're finding yourself attracted to someone else is a slightly different matter.

Do you want to try and save what you have? There are always ups and downs in relationships, so do you want to work at it together, as it sounds like you're bored but things could still be salvaged with communication.

Or you might find out he feels the same way, and you can find a way to work together for the best of the kids. The grass is always greener though, so if there is a chance I think you should try at least to talk to him, unless there is some other reasons you're not saying on here which makes it unworkable.

heuchera

tea_lover wrote: »

The day you start professing your feelings to someone else, your marriage is over. Now have the decency to actually tell your husband that.

The fact that it's a woman is completely irrelevant.

Not necessarily, it depends on the couple. There was a lady on here who sadly has stopped posting now, but she was bisexual (her husband was straight) and the husband apparently said he had no issue with her sleeping with another woman.

plump-duck

I have an appointment tomorrow to check bloods etc as my thyroid and iron are to pot, I don't think this helps.
His work is ok but he never goes our much or wants too, he may be quite down and lonely too? I think I am going to just bite the bullet tomorrow and talk with him (too busy with activities tonight )
Tea lover I think you are 100% correct, I think I knew all this but seeing in black and white helps as I am normally quite practical about things but it's all a but grey and foggy just now .
Thank you x

plump-duck

I think I have a huge amount of guilt even though I have not cheated on him. I feel awful to have approached this woman to discuss it!!
I don't know if I do want to save it? I know I don't want to stay together for the kids just as I think you can still be good parents separated. ��

Seabee42

It sounds awfully like you have both let the relationship drift apart. If you both want to try and save it then you need to spend time together again and build the relationship back up. (I would leave sex till later actually enjoy each others company first). Lets be honest if you both do not want to save it then well it wont happen and you need to decide if that happens what you want to do next.


The looking elsewhere is a sign of a problem in the relationship, I would address the problem rather than potentially making it worse.

plump-duck

Thank you seabee42 �� I do appriciate everyone's comments, I have no one I could discuss this with and think I need a right good slap in the face!!

I did not mean to ook for anyone else, it's just kinda happened and completely out of character for me. I think because I am bored and lonely the grass does seem greener but I know this is not always the case !!

plump-duck

My above post after reading it back, I said I have no one to discuss this with....well obviously I should with my husband but I mean friends wise.

Guest101

heuchera wrote: »

Not necessarily, it depends on the couple. There was a lady on here who sadly has stopped posting now, but she was bisexual (her husband was straight) and the husband apparently said he had no issue with her sleeping with another woman.

The thoughts can often be different to the reality.


Someone might have no problem until it actually happens.