help please - getting a divorce

sanova76

To answers some of the questions,

we both have savings and pensions.
the equity of the house is about £95000, 16 years left on the mortgage.

we live in a 3 bedroom house and we've been sleeping separately for years now. One of the reason in the beginning is we take turn to accompany our disabled son but I guess it become permanent now.

as I mentioned I don't want to sell the house as I won't be able to get another mortgage due do my part time income, besides the rent nowadays are the same as paying mortgage, even more. And the house suits my disabled son well, will be difficult to adjust if we move.

he said he won't contest any financial agreement I made ie I'm keeping the house etc. he just want to stay there until he can afford to move (which we both don't know when)

about the child maintenance, now you mention it, I will make him pay as it benefit our son.

As for the house deeds, will I be able to change it to my name only if he agrees? I know I won't be able to change the mortgage.

Thanks.

Geodark

sanova76 wrote: »

To answers some of the questions,

we both have savings and pensions.
the equity of the house is about £95000, 16 years left on the mortgage.

we live in a 3 bedroom house and we've been sleeping separately for years now. One of the reason in the beginning is we take turn to accompany our disabled son but I guess it become permanent now.

as I mentioned I don't want to sell the house as I won't be able to get another mortgage due do my part time income, besides the rent nowadays are the same as paying mortgage, even more. And the house suits my disabled son well, will be difficult to adjust if we move.

he said he won't contest any financial agreement I made ie I'm keeping the house etc. he just want to stay there until he can afford to move (which we both don't know when)

about the child maintenance, now you mention it, I will make him pay as it benefit our son.

As for the house deeds, will I be able to change it to my name only if he agrees? I know I won't be able to change the mortgage.

Thanks.

Could be wrong here, but I have a feeling that after a divorce and he moves out you will have to re-mortgage anyway.

elsien

So you want him to give you all his share of the house and now still pay child maintenance? You don't want to rent somewhere because it's dead money but it's ok for him to do that?
Whatever the reason for the breakdown of your relationship, that does not seem fair.

Tigsteroonie

You definitely need to start with mediation. You'll need a Consent Order to finalise the financial division on divorce, else either of you could turn round at a later date and demand a bigger share than you took at the time.

For more specific advice, I would suggest you have a read of the process, and maybe ask some questions, on the Wikivorce website and forum.

pathtofreedom

I might be wrong, but the only way to get him removed from the mortgage and deeds is for you to remortgage. If you're saying your income won't be enough to get a mortgage in your own name, then you're going to need specialist help with this, as you can't afford to live in the house any more.

HurdyGurdy

sanova76 wrote: »

The house and mortgage is in our name. I've been paying the mortgage and household bills for the last 3 years. We bought the house 6 years ago. I don't want to sell the house as I have a 6 years disabled son and I won't be able to get another mortgage due to my earning now (I only work part time). He did contribute something to the house in the beginning (deposit & part of the mortgage in the first 3 years). All the household bills are in his name, but as I mentioned I've been paying it for the last 3 years, it come out from my account

Why are you paying for everything? Your later reply mentions he has been on "business trips" which turned out to be personal holidays. What is his business? Is he self employed? Is his business in profit? Have you seen accounts to show this?

sanova76 wrote: »

I don't want anything (money) from him, I doubt he has any since he can't even afford to get his own place now. He will have access to our son, I won't stop him, I just don't want to live with him anymore.

Again, what is his business? He either is employed or self employed, otherwise he wouldn't be able to claim business trips. However, you say you both have pensions and savings, so he does have some money somewhere.

sanova76 wrote: »

I found he's been having a "business trips" that turn out to be a holiday overseas (God knows with who certainly not us) while I take care of our son. Obviously he has money for this holidays but don't have money to contribute to the bills?

sanova76 wrote: »

we both have savings and pensions.
the equity of the house is about £95000, 16 years left on the mortgage.

we live in a 3 bedroom house and we've been sleeping separately for years now. One of the reason in the beginning is we take turn to accompany our disabled son but I guess it become permanent now.

as I mentioned I don't want to sell the house as I won't be able to get another mortgage due do my part time income, besides the rent nowadays are the same as paying mortgage, even more. And the house suits my disabled son well, will be difficult to adjust if we move.

he said he won't contest any financial agreement I made ie I'm keeping the house etc. he just want to stay there until he can afford to move (which we both don't know when)

about the child maintenance, now you mention it, I will make him pay as it benefit our son.

As for the house deeds, will I be able to change it to my name only if he agrees? I know I won't be able to change the mortgage.

Thanks.

So it seems that from your posts, you don't want your husband living in the house, even though you have been sleeping apart for years which arrangement must have suited you both (and your son), but you now want to keep the house and all the money that he paid into the house at the beginning? And with his "no money" you want him to pay maintenance as well. Where will this money come from, if he has no income? If you do manage to "kick him out", he will still need to find a home of his own, with all the bills associated with that.

And you want the house transferred into your sole name so he has no benefit in that either?

I don't think you are thinking clearly here. You really do need some sound professional advice, to help you to work out exactly what is practicable.

And please consider the impact all this will have on your son.

Pollycat

I think you need proper legal advice,

Maybe try to get a free 30 minute consultation with a local solicitor.

I'm surprised that financial arrangements haven't been discussed, especially as you both have savings and pensions and equity of £95k in the house.
Are you doing a DIY divorce? If you don't get your finances sorted out properly it could end up being a costly mistake.

BNT

sanova76 wrote: »

I know I should contact a solicitor but I can't really afford it. Is there any other option?

I do not think it is possible to complete the process without a solicitor. Even if it is possible, I think it inadvisable.

The divorce itself is more straightforward and can be done yourself. The financial arrangements are legally ancillary, but in practice are often the main focus.

If you and your husband agree on the future financial arrangements, you can ask a solicitor to draft a consent order that you both sign. this outlines how you agree to split up the property, assets, etc as well as deals with maintenance payments. If he deems it fair, a judge will approve it. I have no idea whether you would be able to include in the consent order clauses about how long your husband can stay in the house before moving out; that's where you would need a solicitor. But it is something that has to be agreed and signed by both parties. I.e., you can't kick him out; he'd have to agree to leave.

If you cannot agree, you will need to apply for a financial order, in which case you will need to go to court and present a case for what you are asking. You will also be expected to show that you have considered mediation as a way to reach agreement.

When determining who gets what, a court will look at who needs what, not who paid for what. If the disabled son is to live with you after the divorce, a court is likely to see your need for a house as more important than your husband's and award the house to you. It won't matter whose name it is in or in whose name is the bank account that the bills were paid from. Each side is also required to make full and frank disclosure of his/her financial position. If he has money for holidays, that will come out in this process.

The cost of a solicitor is likely to be a lot less than the longer term cost of signing an unfavourable agreement.

elsien

That is true but a court would also look at what both parties need, not what they want. So it may be that both need a roof over their head but neither need a three bedroom house. I think it unlikely the OP would just be awarded the house while the husband had nothing.

Mojisola

sanova76 wrote: »

And the house suits my disabled son well, will be difficult to adjust if we move.

A court may decide that it's better for your child if you and he stay in the house until he reaches 18. That's not unusual for healthy children; if the house has been adapted in any way for his specific needs, it's even more likely.