Mothers Day...........

Mr_Toad

I've just returned from visiting Mum in the care home.

As usual she was pleased to see me and loved the flowers, card and one or two other little things I hope will brighten her life.

She asked me how my parents are, how her parents are and if I'm doing well at school, I'm 58.

Dementia is a cruel disease. Mum is physically extremely fit and well, it's hard to believe that the independent, intelligent mother I grew up with is gone. From being 2 years old Mum used to drive the two of us halfway across Europe to be with Dad, he was a civil engineer, for the summer.

My father passed away two years ago, he also had dementia, and I look back on an idyllic childhood, we lived all over, Venice for a time while Dad worked on trying to keep it from sinking into the lagoon. We lived on a boat in the Mediterranean and Aegean for several years and other interesting places.

I got home and cried my eyes out, I miss them both so much.

Right, time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with life.

McKneff

Wow, just think, they have given you such lovely, lovely memories. they will last you all your life.

Heres another one ((hug)) from a total stranger. please pass it on to your mum when you see her again.

I dont have a parent at all, but like you, wonderful memories.

Annie....

pigpen

You are so lucky to have those lovely memories of your parents and your travels! I don't have those.. Both my parents are alive and well and my dad 'disowned' me about 12 years ago and my mother is living her life which i'm apparently no longer a part of.


Of course you miss who they once were it is totally understandable.. and it is ok to be upset that you lost them while they were still here.. it must be incredibly hard to watch! hugest of hugs for you xx

suejb2

Hi, Mr Toad,
Mothers Day is tough for so many for different reasons. It sounds like you have left her in a happy mood,take that as a positive of your visit. The condition may have 'taken' your mum and dad but it cannot take your memories, they sound lovely ones.
I'm starting Dementia research next week as part of a control group. If this helps towards improved treatment or here's hoping a cure for just one person then I will be pleased.
Virtual hugs to you and my thoughts with you also.

duchy

I do think until you've experienced it -it is very hard to understand how difficult it is when a parent simply doesn't have a clue who you are. It can physically hurt.

pollyanna_26

Sending you a very big hug Mr Toad . It is such a cruel disease but as others have said you have wonderful memories and the love of both your parents has made you the caring man you now are . Much better to look back on their well lived lives and love for you than shed tears .
polly

Mr_Toad

Thank you all for your kind responses to what was a maudlin and self pitying post.

I know I am very lucky to have had the parents I did and the childhood they gave me, my relationship with them couldn't have been better.

At least Mum is happy, she has no idea she's not well and the care home varies between some sort of hotel to somewhere she works.

For this I am eternally grateful as some dementia sufferers are perpetually frightened and don't understand why. There are a couple in Mums home and it breaks my heart to see other people in such distress.

The sooner there's a way to prevent it the better.

It has to be a real no brainer, it would save people from the misery of watching a loved one vanish and save the government millions in social care for something that is on the increase due to us all living longer.

seven-day-weekend

My parents (adoptive) both lived to ripe old ages, neither had dementia. My sister did though. Awful. She was one of the ones you mention - continually terrified

I'm glad to say that my birth mother, who I found four years ago, is alive and well, nearly 85 and I've just rung her to wish her Happy Mothers' Day.

To the OP, dementia IS distressing, I remember from seeing my sister, but at least you have the memories. Although I have many lovely ones with my adoptive family, which I treasure, my birth mother and I have only very recent ones. None from childhood.

So swings and roundabouts really.

pollyanna_26

Mr Toad I didn't see your post as maudlin at all . It is a natural response as we we watch those we love slowly slip away . In the words of Terry Pratchett it is an embu**erence (spelt wrongly I think)
Thankfully there are many like Sue who are helping in the fight against this this dreadful disease .
It is good to read your mum is happy and content . That must give you great comfort .
Take care
polly

BrassicWoman

much love, Mr Toad. It's a very difficult condition and an extremely difficult day.

meritaten

Hugs from me too! my nan and my aunt had Alzhiemers and it was a very difficult time for the family. my nan for some reason took against me during the middle stages of the disease and would physically attack me....ME, her favourite grandchild. I try to just remember all the good times with her - and there were hundreds of those.
Dementia robs you of the person they used to be - and its ok to grieve for that person even though, technically, they are still alive.