Gifts for a friend having a tough time

LostandAfraid

Hi,
I myself had a breakdown a few months ago, nowhere near over it yet but one thing about being ill like this is that everything feels hard, even simple things like a hair wash are like climbing a mountain.

Some things that have helped me have been:

Dry shampoo because sometimes a 'proper' wash is just too much.

Any kind of comfortable clothing because I never feel truly comfortable and even a snug pair of socks gives me some comfort.

Bath and shower items that are brands I don't normally use, familiar brands of these things, in fact of most things just bring back memories of happier times which sounds like a positive thing but when you feel this ill memories can be painful, it would depend on her individually though, some people might like familiar things better.

I do have a huge collection of the radox sleep easy bath foam and shower gel.

Light reading material, has to be positive and uplifting, my husband once bought me home a copy of a magazine I may have once read but it was so full of tragedy that I couldn't face it.

Totally agree with adult colouring books, when you can't do much you not only get bored but you tend to ruminate on your feelings and find it hard to relax, those books help with all of that.

Not sure how her appetite is, mine is dreadful but some small snacks are an idea too, I have to eat little and often and it's much easier to do that with a variety of small snacks at hand, my husband puts a tub of sweets or chocolates beside me, not healthy but helpful in encouraging me to eat something on a regular basis.

My mouth is indeed very dry, not just down to medication but stress does it too so something nice to drink and I have a supply of chewing gum too, it's stress relieving.

For a long time I couldn't even stand music but I can now and a lot of people find it soothing, a spotify giftcard might be an idea, I have been making playlists of relaxing music which are especially useful at night, nights are horrible.

I've just started wearing make up again, my daughter bought me a new lipstick, concealer and some moisturiser and eye cream, even if no one sees me at least when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I feel better for having covered up the awful bags under my eyes and the general sickly and worn down look.

Ear plugs, as I said nights are horrid and sleep is very disturbed for me but even when I do get to drift off the slightest noise wakes me up and then it's back to square one.

Just a few ideas based on experience which may or may not be useful depending on her circumstances and how she is affected, the main thing is knowing you are thought of.

It feels very lonely and you become detached from life and the world around you so just knowing that people care and that they will be there when you do feel well enough for visitors can be a huge comfort, even if you want or need to isolate yourself there can be a feeling that you have been abandoned if you hear absoltely nothing from friends.

I'm sure whatever you choose will be appreciated and will remind her that you are still there for her, still care and that you are willing to patiently wait for her to recover and not give up on the friendship, that in itself will mean a lot to her.

Savvy_Sue

A magazine

eleanor73

Thanks so much. That is really, really helpful and I appreciate your insight.

eleanor73

LostandAfraid wrote: »

Hi,
I myself had a breakdown a few months ago, nowhere near over it yet but one thing about being ill like this is that everything feels hard, even simple things like a hair wash are like climbing a mountain.

Some things that have helped me have been:

Dry shampoo because sometimes a 'proper' wash is just too much.

Any kind of comfortable clothing because I never feel truly comfortable and even a snug pair of socks gives me some comfort.

Bath and shower items that are brands I don't normally use, familiar brands of these things, in fact of most things just bring back memories of happier times which sounds like a positive thing but when you feel this ill memories can be painful, it would depend on her individually though, some people might like familiar things better.

I do have a huge collection of the radox sleep easy bath foam and shower gel.

Light reading material, has to be positive and uplifting, my husband once bought me home a copy of a magazine I may have once read but it was so full of tragedy that I couldn't face it.

Totally agree with adult colouring books, when you can't do much you not only get bored but you tend to ruminate on your feelings and find it hard to relax, those books help with all of that.

Not sure how her appetite is, mine is dreadful but some small snacks are an idea too, I have to eat little and often and it's much easier to do that with a variety of small snacks at hand, my husband puts a tub of sweets or chocolates beside me, not healthy but helpful in encouraging me to eat something on a regular basis.

My mouth is indeed very dry, not just down to medication but stress does it too so something nice to drink and I have a supply of chewing gum too, it's stress relieving.

For a long time I couldn't even stand music but I can now and a lot of people find it soothing, a spotify giftcard might be an idea, I have been making playlists of relaxing music which are especially useful at night, nights are horrible.

I've just started wearing make up again, my daughter bought me a new lipstick, concealer and some moisturiser and eye cream, even if no one sees me at least when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I feel better for having covered up the awful bags under my eyes and the general sickly and worn down look.

Ear plugs, as I said nights are horrid and sleep is very disturbed for me but even when I do get to drift off the slightest noise wakes me up and then it's back to square one.

Just a few ideas based on experience which may or may not be useful depending on her circumstances and how she is affected, the main thing is knowing you are thought of.

It feels very lonely and you become detached from life and the world around you so just knowing that people care and that they will be there when you do feel well enough for visitors can be a huge comfort, even if you want or need to isolate yourself there can be a feeling that you have been abandoned if you hear absoltely nothing from friends.

I'm sure whatever you choose will be appreciated and will remind her that you are still there for her, still care and that you are willing to patiently wait for her to recover and not give up on the friendship, that in itself will mean a lot to her.

Thanks for giving me ideas from your perspective. I hope things are starting to look brighter.

Lunar_Eclipse

I'd send some tea and chocolate with a lovely note telling her not to hesitate asking for any help.

And repeat with a slightly mixed up formula (magazine, bubble bath, candle) every 2-4 weeks for several months, because whilst there's usually an initial outpouring of support, this is all most reach out and do.

beluga

Firstly I just wanted to say what a lovely idea

From personal experience, I have to agree that movies / tv, books, music etc can all be difficult if you're struggling. I still find that I stick to things that I've watched / read before so there aren't any surprises. I do like to watch comedy DVDs, sitcoms etc as they're usually short so my attention span isn't stretched, and light enough to avoid triggers.

Colouring books are good, maybe a scented candle, some nice bubble bath. Chocolate or some nuts to snack on. Nice tea? A nice card with a thoughtful message. I spent a lot of time in bed, so something nice to keep next to the bed as a reminder that somebody cares would be nice. SLippers, dressing gown or pyjamas could be good, something pretty and comfy as I felt ugly and couldn't manage to make much of an effort to even get dressed for a while.

If you want a subscription box, Blurt box do one that might be good. It's called a buddy box, and is designed for people with depression etc so might be appropriate?
http://blurtitout.org/buddybox/

heuchera

Perhaps a nice journal book so she can draw or write down her thoughts and feelings?

pigpen

toiletries are boring and too much effort and really impersonal.

a nice smelly candle

Binnable stuff.. magazines, puzzle book eg

heat holder socks are my favourite thing ever... you'd be my best friend ever!!

A date for breakfast out when she feels up to it.. even if it is in a years time!

You're her friend.. what makes her laugh? My friend would like rude/naked man pics.. I'm sure she still gets enjoyment from the same things even if it is a struggle at the moment.

susancs

When a friend was mourning the sudden death of DH and could not face people. I sent short texts saying I was thinking about her and that I sent a big hug every couple of days. I sent little gifts every week for a few weeks in the post. She did not reply (as I expected) at the time, but later on told me just getting a text helped her feel not so alone and likewise, the gifts lifted her.

Savvy_Sue

beluga wrote: »

If you want a subscription box, Blurt box do one that might be good. It's called a buddy box, and is designed for people with depression etc so might be appropriate?
http://blurtitout.org/buddybox/

You can also order as a 'one-off', including a small one. But thanks for mentioning them, I sometimes do goody bags for people who need a bit of cheering up, and one of these would be splendid for remote cheering up!