Turning 40

Mrshaworth2b

First off, 40 is nothing if your going to live until your 100, did you worry about turning 25, 30 etc?

I don't really understand which parts your having issues with, your dream as a 18 year old was to have a loving relationship which you say you have, children, you have one and have gotten her to 18 well done you!! And a house filled with love. If you and your partner are happy have you not achieved that? Does it not feel like home?

Life is not all about marriage children and mortgages.

I think it's normal to feel confused about whether you want to go live life or you want to anchor yourself to where you are. Think, if you have a baby now, all that you will have to go through again, would the touring holiday still be possible? You don't know why you don't want to get married after 40 but is this a deal breaker for your partner?

By the way my mum had me at 41 she always said her life started at 40. Probably because I was the more turbulent part

divadee

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

First off, 40 is nothing if your going to live until your 100, did you worry about turning 25, 30 etc?

I don't really understand which parts your having issues with, your dream as a 18 year old was to have a loving relationship which you say you have, children, you have one and have gotten her to 18 well done you!! And a house filled with love. If you and your partner are happy have you not achieved that? Does it not feel like home?

Life is not all about marriage children and mortgages.

I think it's normal to feel confused about whether you want to go live life or you want to anchor yourself to where you are. Think, if you have a baby now, all that you will have to go through again, would the touring holiday still be possible? You don't know why you don't want to get married after 40 but is this a deal breaker for your partner?

By the way my mum had me at 41 she always said her life started at 40. Probably because I was the more turbulent part

No. The place I live now has never felt like home. So much so I basically live in a bedsit (it's a 2 bedroom flat) and do everything in the bedroom including eating dinner etc.... I hate the memories this place has. I have had some of the worst things in my life happen here (which I don't want to post on a public forum. Sorry!) We were due to be moving and buying somewhere and then my partner pulled out as I had a mental breakdown. So we are stuck here for a year (as we signed a years tenancy as there was nowhere else to move to and the minimum my landlord does is a year)

Amber_Sunshine

I don't get it either. I can honestly say that my 40s have been the best decade so far. 50 is only a couple of years away, and I couldn't give a damn - I am going to meet it shouting "Bring it on!"

20s were spent living in my mother's house with chronic anxiety.

30s were spent married to a man who preferred someone else.

40s have been spent in Barcelona with a group of amazing friends who love me to bits! Definitely the best decade :beer:

Attitude is everything. If you decide a certain age is going to be awful, it will. But it's just a number, so why freak out?

Amara wrote: »

Why people make such a big deal out of turning 40? I'm going to very soon and doesn't bother me in the slightest. I still have to work for another 25 years, sooo long time!

SingleSue

My original plan was not to get married until I was 30 and to start having children at around 35 because I wanted my career first.

I got married just before my 20th birthday, had my first child when I was 23 and a half.

My dreams of a successful career started well, very well in fact but life has not quite turned out how I thought it would, by the time I was 36, I was a single parent to 3 children, two of whom had multiple disabilities and my plan was but a distant memory.

That said, I am really quite enjoying life now. I have a little bit of a social life (not much but some), some great friends, two of the boys are now at university and the remaining child will be off to university next year. All the hard work has been worth it, ok I have lost my physical health over the years but I make the best of things and find a way to enjoy life despite my limitations.

As for my 40th, I was a little eek about the approaching birthday but that all went by the wayside when my dad had a major stroke 4 days before and then another 2 days before...my birthday passed by without me noticing, there were bigger things to worry about.

Going to have a massive party for my 50th though....

Person_one

So when you were 18, you made some idealistic plans about having a picture perfect, cereal advert style life by 40, and its not quite worked out that way in reality?

Well, duh! 18 year olds are always stupidly unrealistic and optimistic about how their life is going to pan out, and they massively overestimate the amount of control they have over it. Ups and downs, divorces, breakups, bereavements, illness, financial problems, redundancies, relationship fallouts, these things actually happen all the time, to loads of people in all different situations, even though nobody wants them and nobody really plans for them.

We all just do the best we can with what the world throws at us, what else can we do? As for milestone birthdays, well, getting older is always better than the only alternative...

Jagraf

My forties are by far my best decade so far.

You start to appreciate what life is about and work on being content on the inside.

FBaby

Plans get readjusted all the time because of things that happen in our lives that we can't control. What matters is that you progress towards achieving them, or redefine them if they are not achievable any longer. Age has got absolutely nothing to do with it whatsoever. There is no glory in being married before 40 as there is shame of doing so afterwards.

I married later in life (after 40) and I feel incredibly humble that I am where I am now after years of uncertainties. Most of the time, I can't even remember my actual age anyway because it really doesn't matter.

Primrose82

Amara wrote: »

Why people make such a big deal out of turning 40? I'm going to very soon and doesn't bother me in the slightest. I still have to work for another 25 years, sooo long time!

Another vote for It only being a number - another thought , what is the alternative!! Think about it

Lunar_Eclipse

I think it's fine to reflect on the fact your life isn't what you expected. And expect this is true for many people. Your experience has shown you, directly and indirectly, that life is often complicated.

I can empathise with your thoughts on kids and marriage by a certain age. I'd be fine with marriage at any age, but doubt I'd have children post 40 (it was 30 for me!), mainly because I wouldn't want to be an older parent.

I'm going to be 45 soon and am starting to plan life post kids. I'm way beyond wanting a baby. BUT who knows how I'd feel if I hadn't had the children I'm lucky enough to have and we are all different, so each to their own.

All you can do is be thankful for your blessings and decide who you want to be going forward and whether you want another child/marriage/anything else as those 'opportunities' arise. I would always choose love over marriage and probably a man I love over wanting another child at your age. The grass is rarely greener.

goodwithsaving

We all have our ideals and goals but as we grow older, life often takes a different course. I always planned to be married at 30 and be settled. I was on course for these things but it will no longer work that way. I'm a bit bothered by it but to be honest, I have never overly wanted children but it was an expectation. Likewise perhaps I am not sure I'm suitable for marriage, it was just an expectation. I think life will sort itself out eventually and that all of our experiences (failures and successes) make us the people we are. Focus on what you have, not what you have not