Advice Needed

lightpen

I already have 2 Children, i am 33 years old, have my own house and during a short time of being single had good holidays and enjoyed myself, i met my girlfriend approx 6 months ago and we have a holiday to spain booked in June. My new GF has a life plan which includes marriage and kids, she is 30 and doesn't yet have any. when we met each other we sweep each other off our feet, and i was willing to go along with her life plan, we are already living together but of late im questioning if i want any more children and have been questioning if i want to 'settle down'' yet. Its a big decision for me because she has built relationships with my 2 children and obviously my mum and dad etc and my sister. Do i do whats right for me and in turn her ? or do i accept that its time to grow up and try and push these feelings i have to the back of my head. She has put me under a little pressure at times to commit to saying i want another child but i have ducked out of the question, I really love her but at the same time if we want different things i cant help thinking im wasting her time as everyones bodyclock is ticking and all that !!!

some advice on what i should do would be helpful

Thanks

Guest101

Talk to her.


You don't sound sure about the more children vs. no children aspect, so say this.

pigpen

Only you can decide that but it is worth discussing with her too it only affects her a little after all

Don't duck out of questions just say you don't know or would prefer not to and see where the conversation goes... be truthful.

But if you're not grown up by 33 with 2 children there is little hope of it happening at all.. voice of experience.. *old child*

honeypop

If you know you're not ready to settle down and/or don't want any more kids yet, then the best thing to do is end it with her so she can start to find someone who does want the same things, time will not be on her side for babies for an endless amount of time while you make your mind up.

I'd say if you've already got 2 kids, and still don't know if you want to settle down, then it's a no. If that didn't make you 'grow up' (your words) then what will, apart from taking your own time about it - without wasting her time while you decide.

piglet74

Tell her how you feel. Don't, whatever you do, duck out or say anything just to please her, or for the quiet life.

Be prepared to let her go, or to walk away from this.

thorsoak

It would not be fair of you to string along a woman who wants children when you, who already has two, are not sure whether you want any more. Tell her - don't fob her off with "well, maybe later".

Kynthia

Don't be a coward and let this situation continue. If you know you don't want to settle down and have more children then do something about it now. The longer you take to act the more betrayed she'll feel, and it's going to be upsetting enough as it is. Be brave and take action.

barbiedoll

You say that you're not sure if you want to "settle down", but I think what you mean is that you don't want marriage and/or any more kids, with her.

You say you love her but if you feel that you can't give her what she wants, then do be kind enough to be honest with her. She can then decide whether or not she feels that you are worth the sacrifice. Some women do, my sister wanted children but her boyfriend doesn't, so she made the choice to stay with him and forget about kids. Not every woman will do so, and it sounds as though it is important to your girlfriend, to move things along, so to speak.

You need to talk to her.

Rebel_Cause

The worst thing you could do is put feelings to the back of your mind and just go with the flow for an easy and quiet life. It will only lead to resentment and you will be posting again on this forum in months or years down the line. Talk to your partner. Communication is key. The pair of you have to be on the same page if the partnership is going to be successful and harmonious. I hate the phrase, but her 'clock is ticking' and I am sure she does not want to invest time with someone who does not want the same thing as her in life.

TBagpuss

You need to have this conversation with your partner. If you 'go along' with her plan, but don't really want it, then you are likely to end up resenting her. If you fail to tell her and keep stringing her along then she is likely to end up resenting you when you finally do admit the truth to her.

mariposa687

Talk to her and be prepared to let her go.
I was with someone for a few years who, as it turned out, had commitment issues. He kept fobbing me off and I went along with it thinking he would change his mind. So eventually we broke up because he admitted he didn't want kids etc and I was furious that he had wasted my time because I definitely want a family and he knew that. Don't waste her time if she wants kids and you don't want any more, it's just cruel. If you can't resolve the issue, let her go so she has the time to meet someone else who wants the same things.