Could SO be suicidal?

susieq87

I need your help please because I'm really panicking and I don't know what to do. Literally five minutes ago I was looking at my SO browsing history on his phone and I came across quite a few distressing searches. In his search history there were symptoms of depression, clinical depression, suicide searches to be specific the quickest way to do it, painless and if it's a sin and there were alot of searches and web pages visited. There were also Web pages to the samaritans who he called but I don't think the call went through because there was no call log. The time the call was made to the samaritans we had just had a fight but nothing out of the ordinary so I'm not sure if this is the time those searches were made.

I don't know how to approach this situation because he's been normal. I haven't noticed anything different in his behaviour so these searches are a big shock to me. I just want to cry but then he will know something is wrong and i won't know how to deal with that.

Please help me, I don't know what to do. I thought to call his mum or his close friend but I don't know how he'd feel about them knowing about this. I don't know what to do

FBaby

I am assuming SO is your partner? It is difficult to advise without knowing more about your relationship. The normal thing to do would be to discuss it with them, but of course, that involves admitting you've gone snooping on their phone.

gwynlas

Yes he could be, you need to talk to him and admit to looking at his browsing history and ask what it is about?
Depending on where you are in the country you could contact A & E to enquire about emergency psychiatric referrals or GP.
Maybe he is ok now and only looked at these sites out of curiousity but dependent on your reationship ith him, his mother and best friend yu should share this information and seek help for him.
If this post is a wide up then you are the sick individual who needs help

determined_new_ms

The main thing is to raise the issue and ask if he is depressed and lead on to is he having suicidal thoughts. I think importantly try not to panic yourself just because he is having these thoughts does not mean he is going to act on them, sometimes just having the "get out back up plan" is a safety net that allows us to think we have a choice. I suffer with depression at times and have many times done these kinds of searches but have always known I wouldn't really act on them. This is not to minimise his distress or that you should take these feelings should be taken seriously.

Ways to start a conversation about suicide:

* I have been feeling concerned about you lately.
* Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.
* I wanted to check in with you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately.

Questions you can ask:

* When did you begin feeling like this?
* Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?
* How can I best support you right now?
* Have you thought about getting help?

What you can say that helps:

* You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.
* You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.
* I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.
* When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage.

susieq87

He was there when i was going through his phone, he just doesn't know what I was looking at exactly. Usually it's WhatsApp messages and pictures but this morning something made me look at the browsing history.

I'll make him a cuppa and tell him what I saw. Even as I type this he's normal but I can't help but feel it might be a cover up for something deeper. Two years ago he admitted to me that he was very depressed and considered suicide and the only thing that stopped him was the thought that it was a sin but then he was going through something and he spoke to me about it. This time it's out of the blue hence my shock and panic

tomtontom

Do you normally go through his phone?

Try to talk to him, but I wouldn't mention that you've been going through his browsing history etc, that could make him clam up even more. If he doesn't want to talk then just let him know you're there if he wants to, and suggest other people he may talk to also, the Samaritans but also a male friend.

I would stop going through his phone etc. If he's already feeling unwell that is not going to help. It could even stop him reaching out to other sources of help in case you find out.

theoretica

This website may be helpful - to either of you https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/worried-about-someone/

Rambosmum

determined new missus, and others have given great advice.

Just to add - don't be afraid to just ask 'have you been thinking about hurting yourself' or 'do you feel suicidal'. People seem to think that by mentioning it they'll put ideas in their heads. You won't. Then discuss it. If they have a plan, then it is very worrying and need immediate help (poss a&e). If its in contemplation stage then they need help, urgent gp trip type. If it's 'i just don't want to be here' type thing then gp trip to discuss depression.

Good luck.

mildredalien

There isn't one typical way that people look when they are depressed, and lots of people can put on a mask of normality. I'm not sure why you are regularly going through his phone but if it's a normal thing to do, you need to be honest about what you saw and give him the opportunity to talk to you about how he's feeling. It really sounds like a GP visit and some encouragement to access help and support are in order.

I hope you can help him get through this, remember how he's feeling isn't personal and one of the things that is likely to help most (apart from professional help) is just having someone on his side taking him seriously.

indsty

I volunteered with Samaritans quite some time ago, but I believe that the number does not show up in call logs etc to ensure people are not put off calling. It may well be the same, others may know better.

Don't be afraid to start the conversation - "you've been looking a bit down lately ..... " sort of thing. Hope you find the help you need.

BigAunty

There is good advice on suicide support websites about how to interact with a vulnerable person, including what a friend/relative could say and do (and what not to say...)