Hang Back or Push In?

LongTallKatie

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Savvy_Sue

I think I would go up with a card and see whether she has any visitors, if she does ask if they will let you see her.

If not, at least you've left a card, and any of her family who visit will know you have tried to see her.

LongTallKatie

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fairy_lights

Are you on good terms with her husband? as her next of kin I would have thought he would be the one getting the most information about her condition, rather than the other relatives who have gone to the hospital. Would he give you permission to visit?

Pollycat

fairy_lights wrote: »

Are you on good terms with her husband? as her next of kin I would have thought he would be the one getting the most information about her condition, rather than the other relatives who have gone to the hospital. Would he give you permission to visit?

From what the OP wrote, I suspect there is some issue between the OP & the friend's family. Otherwise why the expectation that they won't pass on news.

I think Savvy Sue's suggestion is best, take a card, hope to see her but be prepared to be knocked back.

Hope your friend recovers soon.

Flyonthewall

LongTallKatie wrote: »

I spoke to ICU this morning, they can't give me information since I am not family - I accept this. They ask that visiting be for family only or that I come with permission from the family. I respect this since I understand how busy ICU can be.

Can you not tell the ICU this:

It's really difficult for me because this friend is more than a friend, she's my surrogate mum and has been for the last 16 years, to her I am her adoptive daughter (she loves to tell people this!).

They may let you then as they might see you more as family than friend.

LongTallKatie

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LongTallKatie

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Flyonthewall

LongTallKatie wrote: »

Surrogate, as in like my mum, but not legally my mum. She often feels more like a mum than the mum I did have, who is now dead.

I am going to pop up to ICU, take a card, explain who I am etc. and see what happens.

So not a surrogate at all then, just a Mother figure.

If you want advice it helps to be clear and state things as they are.

LongTallKatie wrote: »

I am on good terms with all the family, especially the husband.

If you're on good terms with them just ask them for permission like the ICU suggested, I don't understand the problem.

Edit: btw, I'm sorry if my post comes across somewhat harsh as you must be going through a hard time with your best friend in ICU and I don't mean to sound mean, I'm just rather confused as to why you didn't just ask the family right away when you're on good terms with them all. It doesn't seem like there's any issue at all.

Person_one

If you're on good terms with the family I don't understand what the issue is? Surely you can just tell her husband you'd love to visit but need his permission, and ask for it?

rpc

Flyonthewall wrote: »

So not a surrogate at all then, just a Mother figure.

If you want advice it helps to be clear and state things as they are.

Surrogate can also mean substitute or deputy - it was perfectly good use of English even if slightly ambiguous due to the association with surrogate pregnancies.

It probably comes down to whatever is behind this bit:

Her family I suspect won't really keep me informed with what is happening (for various reasons I come to this conclusion)

On the face of it, it sounds like OP could just ask the family. Or leave a card for the patient with a note asking the family to tell the nurses OP can be allowed in. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.