Separating but child advice needed badly.

TBagpuss

I thinmk it wpould be sensible to talk to your wife, but try to do so when you are not feeling so angry, and when you do have the conversation, try to avoid making accusations.

So rather than saying "You changed all our plans for half term and that meant I didn't get to spend time with [daughter] as I expected" ot "You knew that I was planning to take Daughtet out for the day tbut then you booked her into a play day / took her with you to your mums'" try ot make it more about communication e.g.
"I feel that we haven't communicated as well as we could. I had thought that we'd agreed that I would be responsible for Daughter during half term, as I was off work. I had not expected that you would also book time off work, por that you would make arragnemtns for activities such as the visits to your family or the fun day. Can we both try to communicate better in future so that we don't both make conflicting plans for the same days? " Also ask her what she proposes - for instance, ask about the amount ofnotice she feels it would be reasonable for each of you to prvide to the other if you want to make plans, think about when you are likely to be off work during the Easter holidays and suiggest that you discuss now, which days you will each be respbsible for your daughter so that you can both plan ahead and avoid conflicts. Bear in mind that there may be times when it is reasonable for her to spend time woith your daughter even when you are aslo available.

It does sound as though your wife is being a bit awkward at present, and you can't control that. But you can control how you respond. If you are able to approach things in a reasonable, non-confrontational way, and be willing to listen to her as well as putting forward your own proposals then the liklihood is that either she will respond to that and you will be able t ostart to work more effectively together, or she will be more awkward and it will become very obvious that it is intentional, in which case you may have to take more formal steps. But if that happens, you will have refrained from giving her any ammunition to use against her.

[Deleted User]

I'll bite my tongue like i have done before, i just needed to vent as to how i feel seeing this week pan out.
I guarantee she'll come back tonight and ask if i've had fun! Yeah being on my own when i had plans to take my daughter out but cancelled them to suit you!
Thanks all for the advice, to me she is being awkward and there was no need for this week to have panned out like it has.

mai_taylor

So you had made a specific plan like taking your daughter to the zoo at a set time and she took your daughter out without your knowledge? If your ex had told you her plans for this week why wouldn't you just say no we've already planned to do this? Again sounds like you're not communicating properly.

[Deleted User]

mai_taylor wrote: »

So you had made a specific plan like taking your daughter to the zoo at a set time and she took your daughter out without your knowledge? If your ex had told you her plans for this week why wouldn't you just say no we've already planned to do this? Again sounds like you're not communicating properly.

Because of the way she did it, we had dates planned, then when i got home she was saying to my daughter in front of me about how her grandma and cousins are all looking forward to seeing her this week, she knows how much she loves seeing her cousins so i could hardly turn round and say no on this day we are doing this, thus looking the bad guy and she knew that.

RAS

Deleted_User wrote: »

Because of the way she did it, we had dates planned, then when i got home she was saying to my daughter in front of me about how her grandma and cousins are all looking forward to seeing her this week, she knows how much she loves seeing her cousins so i could hardly turn round and say no on this day we are doing this, thus looking the bad guy and she knew that.

So you need to have words about how you communicate; that if either is making plans when you are both around, you speak to each other before talking to your daughter.

themull1

My kids are older now, but my ex gives me a four week list telling me when, at the weekend he can have the kids, most of the time its friday night til saturday afternoon, occasionally its sat til sun and rarely its 'cant make that weekend' you should maybe consider your ex doing that in advance.

I wouldnt mention to your wife about the time off, thats what she'll be hoping for, but i think i would have cut my nose off to spite my face and wait til the last minute then say you had plans on Friday and couldnt have your daughter all day, but say it nicely - unless of course she could go somewhere else at short notice, so defeating the object.!! Your ex might then realise what she is doing.

[Deleted User]

The thing is I don't want to play games, I agreed to be civil and amicable from the start as did she for the sake of our daughter.

She's just turned up at 4pm then went back out again, does she honestly think I want this situation as well. She could of avoided all this and just stayed at work and saved her holidays and use them for when I am away until we sell the house.

I'm not moving out to give her the easy ride she is doing all this, so much for it being friendly eh...

Mojisola

Deleted_User wrote: »

The thing is I don't want to play games, I agreed to be civil and amicable from the start as did she for the sake of our daughter.

Good for you - playing games will make a not-good situation much worse and the two of you will end up paying loads to solicitor to fight it out while your daughter is stuck in the middle.

[Deleted User]

So i get up today at 6am with my little girl, then my stbx gets up later and says her friend wants to come round first thing this morning for a chat. Ok another day changed and she's actually tells me i can take my daughter out and bring her back for 11am so she can go see her cousins like planned.

Whatever? So i get myself and my girl ready only for her to now turn around and ask my daughter if she wants to see her friends baby to which my daughter says yes!

I swear down if this isn't playing games then what is?

I've had enough of this crap, going to seriously have a think about moving out today...

heuchera

Deleted_User wrote: »

I've had enough of this crap, going to seriously have a think about moving out today...

In which case she's then got the house AND the child. You won't be able to force a sale of the house if there's a child under 18 living there. She's got you.

We can only hope karma comes back and bites this woman.