Informing Non Resident Parent Of Possible Medical Diagnosis

duchy

bluenoseam wrote: »

Unfortunately for some people they cannot do this as their proximity to a situation doesn't allow them to see competing sides of the story in equal light. (Perfectly natural for what it's worth)

I think the OP's the one who's trying his damnedest to play devils advocate here & try to get the point across, something I suppose he's done to an extent. What I've seen here are several well thought out & well reasoned points mostly telling him what he already suspected in his own mind.

I think that's the point of threads like this - to give people a chance to air their thoughts and work out why they feel as they do and to make sure they aren't missing anything in the bigger picture that they might be too close to see.

I do think whether Dad is told pre or post diagnosis does depend on how long assessment is going to take. My son's Asperger's official diagnosis was very quick once the Ed Pysch identified it -matter of a couple weeks to see the specialist to offically diagnose and even before the appointment the school had appointed a classroom assistant to support him part time.

As Dad has PR do the school copy him in on all letters - as if they do then you may need to tell him sooner before school write to you both about provision or whatever- Just something to bear in mind as if he hears it first from someone other than yourselves you could be making an awful lot of problems for you all.

fishybusiness

I think that's the point of threads like this - to give people a chance to air their thoughts and work out why they feel as they do and to make sure they aren't missing anything in the bigger picture that they might be too close to see.

It started off as wanting to listen to other views to help me, it has turned in to a really useful thread, touching on points we haven't yet discussed, and should do soon.

School assessment started mid last year, maybe before then. First appointment with the Psychologist was a few weeks ago, next app early March, so things are moving more quickly now. We have a bundle of assessment forms to fill in for the next app.

Checked with my partner this morning, school have said they will tell dad if he asks, so he needs to know first.

TBagpuss

Regarding your daughter's expressed view - a couple of points. One is that it if she says 'our house people' then it would be reasonable, and appropriate, to tell her "Well, just us and your dad" Also, it might indicate that she thinks that being assessed or having the condition is something to be embarassed about, so it might help if you were to reassure her that that is not the case.

It's also bearing in mind that children do pick up a lot from their paretns and carers. If Mum is reluctant to share the information with Dad, even if she has not said so openly in front of her daughter, it's very probable that daughter has picked up on that and is influenced by it. It may be that Mum needs to be consciously positive about dad being kept in the loop. It's very common for children to think / belive that they "ought" to feel or act in a certain way. For a child to be in a position where they feel they should keep secrets from one of their parents to avoid upsetting the other is not healthy, and if this is something which the child has assumed or has extrapolated from what they see of how each apretns reacts to, or talks about, the other, it's not always obvious that they are acting in a certain way becausee they think they ought to, or becuase they think if they don;t, their mum will be upset or angry.

it's one of the reasons why it can be really helpful for a child to be told rahter than asked, what is going to happen, as it releases them from that feeling of responsibility.

School is correct- Dad has parental responsibilty and is legally entitled to the inormation, the school could not refuse to tell him unless there was a Court Order in place