Nice People Thread No. 15, a Cyber Summer

Doozergirl

I'm sure that DS and his GF see it as a significant step.

How old is he? I met Doozer at 19 and moved in when I was 22. It was definitely a commitment to the relationship, so I'm surprised that others don't see it that way. I can't think of any of my friends that moved in together that weren't committed. A small minority didn't work out, but the majority went on to buy a place, get married and have lasted 20 odd years since moving in together.

Family gave and bought us things when we moved in together. I still have the pans from Doozer's sister. Then we had the wedding list some five years later which wider family and friends chipped into and we got our 'best' cutlery and crockery and all sorts else.

Forgive me, silvercar, but I've never been given the impression that you're particularly 'into' this relationship, or maybe it's just the adjustment to each step - being there for his graduation, Christmas etc is another step deeper into their lives together. She a great big part of his life now and even if they do split up, she will have a huge place in his heart and memories.

I can't see any reason why not to make those memories special. No doubt if he ever moves in with another girl, they definitely will already have all the stuff they need, between them. Enjoy it. Life is short.

Pyxis

I apologise if I appeared disparaging. I was talking very generally, and not specifically about Silvercar's DS.

Perhaps 'committed' was the wrong choice of word. I suppose I see buying a place together as the 'commitment', with the initial moving in together as a sort of trial period, to see if things will work out.
(Even that puts things rather more coldly than I intend, but I expect you get my drift!)

chris_m

Pyxis wrote: »

I see. I didn't know that new drivers were only allowed six points.

Would you normally have to retake your test after losing your licence due to maximum points?

Up to the court;

https://www.gov.uk/driving-disqualifications

How long a driving ban will last
The court will decide how long the disqualification will last, based on how serious they think the offence is.
You can be banned from driving if you already have 12 or more penalty points on your licence. Your ban can last:
6 months, if you get 12 or more penalty points within 3 years
12 months, if you get a second disqualification within 3 years
2 years, if you get a third disqualification within 3 years

Disqualified for 56 days or more
If you’re disqualified for 56 days or more you must apply for a new licence before driving again.
You might also have to retake your driving test or take an extended driving test before getting your full licence. The court will tell you if you have to do this.


Disqualified for less than 56 days
View your driving licence record online to check the disqualification. You can’t drive until it has ended.
You don’t need to apply for a new licence before you can drive again.

Sometimes the court decides that it's not just "retake your test" but "take an extended test" too.

silvercar

Pyxis wrote: »

Listening to the news just now, they were talking about text-driving and the need for a campaign like the drink-driving ones, as the message isn't getting across; 70% of AA members say that they see drivers using their phones on every journey.y

Apparently, new drivers, ie within two years of passing their test, if they are caught using the phone while driving, will lose their licence, and will have to retake their test before they can get it back, as well as being fined £200. (Other drivers get 6points and the fine).

It will be part of every driving lesson that on entering the car, the pupil will be required to turn their phone off and/or put it in the glove compartment, which is being rebranded as 'the phone box'.

I was told by a policeman that you could be done for using a phone even if the car is parked, if you are in the driiving seat. He said the best way to prove the engine is off, is to remove the keys and put them on the dashboard before using the phone. That way, if a police car cruises by, they will see the keys are out of the ignition, and will leave you alone.

chris_m wrote: »

I think that's simply because new drivers are only allowed 6 points, so it's not specifically for using a phone but that the new penalty takes them to their limit immediately.

Pyxis wrote: »

I see. I didn't know that new drivers were only allowed six points.

Would you normally have to retake your test after losing your licence due to maximum points?

It has been the case for a good few years. Within 2 years of passing your test, if you get 6 points you lose your licence and have to retake your test ie start all over again but with a further hike to your insurance as you've lost your licence once already!

Those with start/ stop engines will have a distinct advantage under the new rules. The idea of putting your keys on the dashboard doesn't work for me - my key fob never leaves my handbag. The phone is bluetooth linked to the car, so I never have to take the phone out to use.

GDB2222

silvercar wrote: »

Advice nice people. Ignore the fact I sound like I've landed from outer space!

DS2 is shortly moving in with his GF, they are renting a flat together. I didn't really think of this as a significant step, but it seems that various members of her family are gifting generous amounts of money to help them get started.

I don't really see that they need much as the flat is (a) tiny and (b) furnished plus she has been renting with others for the last year, so will have gathered general bits and bobs.

Is this a thing? Even hallmark don't seem to have caught on to it if it is. No "moving in together" cards in the shops.

I agree with Doozergirl, but I'm afraid that I'm even more forthright. Your question seems to be to do with:
How you feel about the GF.
Is she what you regard as good DIL material?
How you feel about having an empty nest.

The only advice I can give is to pretend to approve, even if you don't. Mainly because any disapproval will just cause heartache and upset, and it won't cause them to think again about each other or serve any positive purpose whatsoever.

So, that means buying them exactly the same present that you would if you were ecstatic about the relationship.

GDB2222

We had a wedding list, and almost all the things that we received can be divided into two categories.

A. Stuff that's smashed or worn out.
B. Stuff that we never needed, haven't used, but can't throw away.

silvercar

Forgive me, silvercar, but I've never been given the impression that you're particularly 'into' this relationship, or maybe it's just the adjustment to each step - being there for his graduation, Christmas etc is another step deeper into their lives together. She a great big part of his life now and even if they do split up, she will have a huge place in his heart and memories.

:eek: I'm glad you have pointed this out, I wonder what she feels. I will have to tread carefully to make sure I am not giving her that impression.

The adjustment has been hard, particularly as he is DS2 and DS1 has not brought anyone serious home. So it is all first time for me, couple that with me, OH and DS1 still feel he is so young. He really was a very immature child that has suddenly grown up and it has taken us all by surprise.

They have now been together 3 years, so clearly a big commitment and they have now stayed together throughout the year he was at uni and she was in London, they've taken an 18 month tenancy on a one bedroom flat, so financially its a big commitment. On the other hand, she still hasn't met his local mates and he is planning on going to our holiday flat with them later in the year!

As for the stuff he had from uni - all the uni places were furnished, his bedding and towels etc are here. The kitchen stuff walked to the bin. She must have kitchen stuff - certainly enough for them to start off with. Her parents are coming to London to help move her stuff, so she must have some clutter.

I just don't think they have the need to buy stuff now and was wondering if this is a stage. If they got engaged, we would obviously buy them an engagement present, is "moving in" a stage in the same way?

I'm waffling too much!

Pyxis

GDB2222 wrote: »

I agree with Doozergirl, but I'm afraid that I'm even more forthright. Your question seems to be to do with:
How you feel about the GF.
Is she what you regard as good DIL material?
How you feel about having an empty nest.

The only advice I can give is to pretend to approve, even if you don't. Mainly because any disapproval will just cause heartache and upset, and it won't cause them to think again about each other or serve any positive purpose whatsoever.

So, that means buying them exactly the same present that you would if you were ecstatic about the relationship.

I must admit I didn't sense that undercurrent.
It just sounded like a question to me.

If I found myself in the same position, I think I might also find it a bit strange, ie to make a 'thing' of it.
Passing on surplus furniture/equipment is one thing, but turning it into a sort of 'shower' event seems weird to me!

But then, I think it's strange to heap presents on people when they get engaged, seeing as how they'll get another lot when they get married!



However, if you're not keen on girlfriend, Silver, I agree with GDB that it's best to pretend otherwise. I'm sure you'd do that anyway!

silvercar

GDB2222 wrote: »

I agree with Doozergirl, but I'm afraid that I'm even more forthright. Your question seems to be to do with:
How you feel about the GF.
Is she what you regard as good DIL material?
How you feel about having an empty nest.

The only advice I can give is to pretend to approve, even if you don't. Mainly because any disapproval will just cause heartache and upset, and it won't cause them to think again about each other or serve any positive purpose whatsoever.

So, that means buying them exactly the same present that you would if you were ecstatic about the relationship.

Thank you!

She's lovely, [STRIKE]possibly way above his league[/STRIKE] but this is my baby!

Pyxis

GDB2222 wrote: »

We had a wedding list, and almost all the things that we received can be divided into two categories.

A. Stuff that's smashed or worn out.
B. Stuff that we never needed, haven't used, but can't throw away.

You got given stuff that was smashed or worn-out? :eek:


Or do you mean you've used it so much that it has expired?