Pregnant University Student - Partner on Low Income

Darksparkle

kay159 wrote: »

Its very early days and came as a big shock. Only myself and her bf are aware of the situation atm. I am trying to have as much information to hand as possible to help them make sense of things. Personally I am very shocked and wish things had happened differently as I am sure she does too and at the moment I dont think the relaity of the situation has hit them. I really want them both to be aware of the massive responsibility they have and the amount of strain it will place on them as well as the rewards it will bring. Im quite numb at the moment as it all seems so unreal but she is quite mature if not self-sufficient
I relly dont think not going ahead is an option they want to consider but I do want the best for them all hence the questions. I can only help out in a limited capacity so it really is a case of bad timing, albeit that hundreds of people are in similar situations too

Don't I know it! Just found out myself that I'm pregnant and probably already over 20 weeks!

NYM

Darksparkle wrote: »

Don't I know it! Just found out myself that I'm pregnant and probably already over 20 weeks!

How exciting x Congratulations !

Darksparkle

NYM wrote: »

How exciting x Congratulations !

Thank you. I haven't moved passed terrified yet!

NYM

Darksparkle wrote: »

Thank you. I haven't moved passed terrified yet!

That's excitement you're feeling, not terror x

TBagpuss

Kay, in the first instance, I think your daughter's best bet is to speakl to Student Support serivces at her university. They are likely to be more familiar than the average benefits worker or CAB with the options and support available for students, and will also be able to advise her about what she needs to do ifshe has to defer part of her course or to ask for any special accommodations as a result ofthe pregnancy or any medical issues relating to it.

Why won't your husband wat her continuing to live at home? Is this something which the three of you can work on?

where does her partner live? IS moving in with him at his current home an option?

oldhand

Cant help with the benefit question but dont assume your husband will react the way you believe.No matter what he may say before she is still his daughter.Im a grandfather several times over and many years ago one of my own daughters told her mum she was expecting by phone because she was terrified to come back to the house all due to what she thought my reaction would be,I cant say at the time when I was told I was jumping with joy as she had a good education with a bright future.
However after the tears from her and her mum I was more angry with myself that I could have led any of my daughters to fear me so much they would use a phone rather than come home.Between her mum and I we helped her and today she is married in a good career and my grand daughter helps me out a lot on the many days when "Granddads not remembering too well".Good luck to your daughter.......

kittykat17

Darksparkle wrote: »

Don't I know it! Just found out myself that I'm pregnant and probably already over 20 weeks!

Congratulations! That's wonderful news. My niece didn't realise she was pregnant with her first baby until she was 25 weeks! Long story but she had been told she'd never have a baby and now has two! Really happy for you DS. Su

kay159

Her boyfriend moved in with us around 5 months ago and my partner hates the situation. He has asked that I tell him to move out on many occasions. I told him if he has a problem he should tell him himself
The issues we have is that my daughter has highly unstable BP and was told that this could cause problems with any preganacy until it was stabilised. We have tried many drugs over the years and have one last one to try which has just been approved but isnt approved during pregnancy. Its all very much a catch 22. I cant begin to explain how I feel. Im a mixed bag of emotions but mostly worried sick for her and the baby. Her dad will not take things well. He doensnt handle anything well and has never really handled her being ill for the last 10 years so all I can see is massive arguements. She thinks I should be happy but I want her to be realistic about how much strain this places on relationships, jobs, studying etc let alone without throwing the illness into the mix. I actually feel like the big bad wolf at the moment huffing and puffing but I want her to explore all options open to her, not just about the pregnancy but health, studying and where she will live
Our house would definitely be out of the question. Her dad works 4am days and hates them having the tv on past 11 when hes trying to get to sleep so a crying baby wont work - I keep telling myself he will feel different because its his grandchild but realistically Im fooling myself and Im sure once the news is public he will not respond well as he wanted so much more for her after everything she has been through
Ive suggested she gets past the 12 weeks scan before telling him but the pressure of it all is really getting to me at the moment
I will tell her to go and speak to the university and see what advice they have - this seems the best place to start as she is adamant she wants to finish the course and maybe do her masters too
Thanks everyone

Darksparkle

kittykat17 wrote: »

Congratulations! That's wonderful news. My niece didn't realise she was pregnant with her first baby until she was 25 weeks! Long story but she had been told she'd never have a baby and now has two! Really happy for you DS. Su

Thank you! It's much appreciated. Went for a private scan last night as still waiting to here from a midwife. . . Estimated now 30 weeks!

Guest101

Darksparkle wrote: »

Thank you! It's much appreciated. Went for a private scan last night as still waiting to here from a midwife. . . Estimated now 30 weeks!

Wow! Better get buying stuff!!