School run: mum inspires stranger without knowing it

Former_MSE_Andrea

This is a lovely story in the Telegraph.

This school mum from Torquay, saw another mum walk her kids to school for 10 years and wrote an open letter to her on the Spotted Torquay Facebook page to show how she'd been inspired to make changes in her life.

The letter in full:

I used to be a full time working mum.

Every morning for the past 10 years I've driven from Torquay over the Shaldon bridge on my way to work...and most days I've driven past a beautiful lady with crazy blonde curly hair...she started out 10 years ago walking her eldest baby to the primary school with her younger ones carried on her chest and in double buggies whilst walking beautiful puppy retriever.

Every morning I would watch her and be in awe at how organised she was, how she could possibly manage & how happy her babies looked. I would then continue the rest of my journey to work with a lump in my throat that someone else was doing all of those things with my babies because I felt I should be at work.

This lady made me realise that actually I should work a little less, and learn to manage a little more...

So as I drove past you this morning and I saw you kissing your daughter on the forehead who once I saw as a tiny baby and is now a little lady...and your dog was walking at a much slower pace beside you now he's so much older and I imagine all your other children have now grown up and go to secondary school and walk themselves to school...I just wanted to post on here, in the hope somehow it will reach you, to say thank you...because of you I have now reduced my working hours...so I can spend some mornings at home doing the crazy school runs with all my babies, i make sure I go and fight back tears watching all their school plays & bake (mainly inedible) cakes for the fetes...and I love all of it!

It's amazing that seeing a 30 second glimpse of someone else's life once a day can make yours so much more enjoyable xx

Gigervamp

Good for her.

I think it's very sad that parents spend so little time with their children nowadays. They miss out on so much when somebody else is spending more time with their children than they are.

When I was a childminder, I always felt a little awkward reporting that a child had taken their first steps, because it was me that was there to see it, not their parents, which I felt sad about.

I understand that now, in a lot of places you need two incomes to pay the bills, or because both parents are on low wages. I understand that a lot of parents would love for one of them to be able to stay at home for the first few years, and I feel sorry that they're not able to.

What I don't understand are the ones who can afford to take a break from working, but won't, because it would hurt their career prospects (surely your children are more important than your career?) or because they feel that looking after children full time will turn their brains to mush. (A phrase I've heard often.)

I kept my brain from "turning to mush" by having lots of interests. I did adult education classes, a foundation year at the OU, read a lot of books, crafts, DIY etc.

But I also really enjoyed spending time with the children, watching them grow and learn. The first five years of a child's life is so precious and it goes past so quickly.

Bobcrowther

Nice guilt trip for making working parents feel even worse about leaving their children with childcare ... Thanks.

Andypandyboy

Lovely post, I imagine the mother concerned is very touched.

Person_one

Gigervamp wrote: »

Good for her.

I think it's very sad that parents spend so little time with their children nowadays. They miss out on so much when somebody else is spending more time with their children than they are.

When I was a childminder, I always felt a little awkward reporting that a child had taken their first steps, because it was me that was there to see it, not their parents, which I felt sad about.

I understand that now, in a lot of places you need two incomes to pay the bills, or because both parents are on low wages. I understand that a lot of parents would love for one of them to be able to stay at home for the first few years, and I feel sorry that they're not able to.

What I don't understand are the ones who can afford to take a break from working, but won't, because it would hurt their career prospects (surely your children are more important than your career?) or because they feel that looking after children full time will turn their brains to mush. (A phrase I've heard often.)

I kept my brain from "turning to mush" by having lots of interests. I did adult education classes, a foundation year at the OU, read a lot of books, crafts, DIY etc.

But I also really enjoyed spending time with the children, watching them grow and learn. The first five years of a child's life is so precious and it goes past so quickly.

You say parents, but I suspect you mean mothers.

Dads never come in for all this guilt tripping about daring to have a job as well as a family.

Gigervamp

Oh no, Person_one I really do mean either parent.

And I'm sorry if it makes some people feel guilty. As I said, I can understand why a lot of parents both have to work and it makes me sad.

But why should my opinion be censored? Especially when SAHP are now seen as lesser beings because they don't go out to work? Because society nowadays deems it more important to have a work ethic and if one parent doesn't go out to work, they're looked down on.

SAHP are not layabout scum, but it certainly feels like the general population think they are.

onlyroz

Gigervamp wrote: »

I think it's very sad that parents spend so little time with their children nowadays. They miss out on so much when somebody else is spending more time with their children than they are.

I know you said "parents" and not "mums", but dads have never been berated for spending little time with their children, either "nowadays" or in the past.


On a general note society is slowly shifting towards having childrearing duties split between both parents, and that's a good thing. I welcome the day when it becomes the norm for work-duties and family-duties to be split truly equally between both parents, so that both mum and dad can enjoy a rewarding career without having to sacrifice family time.


So let's not beat up on either working parents or stay-at-home parents eh? Neither should be made to feel guilty for making the choices that they feel are best for their families. I for one choose to ignore mushy articles in the media that suggest the ideal set-up is still for mum to remain at home with the kids while dad gets the career.

Gigervamp

onlyroz wrote: »

I know you said "parents" and not "mums", but dads have never been berated for spending little time with their children, either "nowadays" or in the past.


On a general note society is slowly shifting towards having childrearing duties split between both parents, and that's a good thing. I welcome the day when it becomes the norm for work-duties and family-duties to be split truly equally between both parents, so that both mum and dad can enjoy a rewarding career without having to sacrifice family time.


So let's not beat up on either working parents or stay-at-home parents eh? Neither should be made to feel guilty for making the choices that they feel are best for their families. I for one choose to ignore mushy articles in the media that suggest the ideal set-up is still for mum to remain at home with the kids while dad gets the career.

Oh, I agree. Fathers should take an equal role in parenting, after all, they helped to make the children. My own children's fathers spent little time with the kids, much to my annoyance. I felt like I was a single mum most of the time, even at the weekends and in the evenings. My kids only got quality time with their dads when we'd split up and they went over to stay for the weekend.

We're getting there, slowly, with regards to equal parenting, but a lot of people still think the father is only there to be the breadwinner, including a lot of fathers themselves, going by some of the posts we see on here.

Jagraf

I worked all through my daughters early years, and we were all happy. I hate it when other people feel sorry for working parents, or sahms are pit down. Each family is unique With their own circumstances.

Please don't feel sorry for the way I brought up my daughter. She's s bright happy young woman who is loved dearly.

I'm sure this thread will turn into another bun fight.

Gigervamp

Jagraf wrote: »

I'm sure this thread will turn into another bun fight.

I'm sure it will, because I've said something controversial.

Torry_Quine

I think that was truly lovely and I hope it gets to the woman concerned