Seeking advice please.

FBaby

Then you might need to read the other thread on this subject. One example quoted is as follow:

'Example - joint claim, married couple
A married couple with children have grown apart and rarely spend time together. He eats most of his evening meals at the pub but still lives in the family home and occasionally contributes towards the household bills. They decided not to separate until their children have grown up so they should make a joint claim as they are still married and not separated legally or in circumstances where the separation is likely to become permanent.

I think you are on very dodgy grounds. It isn't just about her sorting things out, you would also be expected to do something about it, even if she doesn't agree. How will the situation be different when your youngest in 18? Are you paying regular maintenance and marked as such? Have you taken steps towards a divorce (beyond advice)?

If I were you, I would contact DPW about it now because I think your situation is much closer to what would be considered a joint claim than single, and you could end up in big trouble if that's what was agreed after 5 years of what would be considered fraudulent claiming.

sdoherty1000

tomtontom wrote: »

Can you not rent elsewhere?

Your wife will no doubt be aware that no court will force a sale until the youngest is 18, and it's very unlikely she would have to pay you anything until that time. She has no reason to do anything for several more years.

Without sounding !!!!!y, why would I rent elsewhere when I own 50% of the home I currently live in? Have I dug my heels in...yes I have! Why should a woman automatically get everything she wants based purely on her gender? We have £80,000 of spare equity in the home which I need to move onto another place, whether it be mortgaged or rented.

Admittedly it's one step forward, two steps back! And far from a normal relationship!!

With renting, child maintenance, bills what would be the point? I now know the type of person she is, if I seek a divorce she will contest it so I would spend money for nothing. Exact same reasoning is going through the courts to agree a sale.

tomtontom

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

Without sounding !!!!!y, why would I rent elsewhere when I own 50% of the home I currently live in? Have I dug my heels in...yes I have! Why should a woman automatically get everything she wants based purely on her gender? We have £80,000 of spare equity in the home which I need to move onto another place, whether it be mortgaged or rented.

Admittedly it's one step forward, two steps back! And far from a normal relationship!!

With renting, child maintenance, bills what would be the point? I now know the type of person she is, if I seek a divorce she will contest it so I would spend money for nothing. Exact same reasoning is going through the courts to agree a sale.

It's not about you or your ex, it's about what is best for your children.

sdoherty1000

As I said they are teens and early adults now so hardly children anymore. The best thing for them is to no longer live this way, I wholeheartedly agree with you on that.

But on the other hand, why should I walk away from my share of the house while she gets everything her own way because she is female and she knows the courts will take years to sort out.

We can both rent for a long time on the money we get from the sale- which is the best case scenario.

Darksparkle

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

As I said they are teens and early adults now so hardly children anymore. The best thing for them is to no longer live this way, I wholeheartedly agree with you on that.

But on the other hand, why should I walk away from my share of the house while she gets everything her own way because she is female and she knows the courts will take years to sort out.

We can both rent for a long time on the money we get from the sale- which is the best case scenario.

To be honest I don't personally care who lives where, that's a decision for you two. But some kind of decision needs to be made if one or both of you is going to claim benefits as a single person.

sdoherty1000

Darksparkle wrote: »

To be honest I don't personally care who lives where, that's a decision for you two. But some kind of decision needs to be made if one or both of you is going to claim benefits as a single person.

Which was my purpose of the thread in the first place. I appreciate all feedback but this has turned into a manhunt!

If she spent the tax credits on the kids instead of her self I would be happy for her to keep them but when she's booking holidays with her mates, boozy nights out (3 this week) I wanted to know what my options were

FBaby

The point is that you haven't even looked into alternatives. Is she working at all? The common situation is one the main carer of the children remains at home and pays the full mortgage. If their income is low, they can usually get help with paying the mortgage. The other person moves out and stops paying the mortgage if they can't afford to pay it and rental.

Your issue though is not with the choice you've made to remain in the same property, you can do what you want, but the fact that not only she is claiming as a single person when in most likelihood she wouldn't considered to be so, but yourself are considering doing the same.

Darksparkle

sdoherty1000 wrote: »

Which was my purpose of the thread in the first place. I appreciate all feedback but this has turned into a manhunt!

If she spent the tax credits on the kids instead of her self I would be happy for her to keep them but when she's booking holidays with her mates, boozy nights out (3 this week) I wanted to know what my options were

Don't see where there is a manhunt, people are offering you advice based on their own experiences or what they have experienced on this forum. You're the one that has mentioned gender etc. My advice would have been exactly that same regardless of whether you were a man or a woman.

As I said, whether you move out or she does is up to you two but something needs to happen. I have friends and family who have been in these situations. Sometime the mum stays, sometimes the dad. Depends entirely on the situation.

There have been hundreds of people posting in your situation where benefits departments don't agree that they should be single and they are left with thousands to repay. People are trying to offer you advice so you or her don't find yourself in that situation.

Darksparkle

FBaby wrote: »

The point is that you haven't even looked into alternatives. Is she working at all? The common situation is one the main carer of the children remains at home and pays the full mortgage. If their income is low, they can usually get help with paying the mortgage. The other person moves out and stops paying the mortgage if they can't afford to pay it and rental.

Your issue though is not with the choice you've made to remain in the same property, you can do what you want, but the fact that not only she is claiming as a single person when in most likelihood she wouldn't considered to be so, but yourself are considering doing the same.

OP said they both earn approx £24,000.

sdoherty1000

I came here to ask advice before proceeding with any enquiry. I have no clue about claiming benefits and wanted to make sure I had my ducks in a row before proceeding.... Isn't that why this forum was invented in the first place?

I think your missing the point entirely, I have no choice to make because everything is on her terms, on her demands! Why do you think we are still living like this 2 years down the line?

3 holidays she went on last year and then turns around and tells me she can't afford to rent privately- that is her reason for not selling the house!

She has told me- she would give better off defaulting on the mortgage as she would be given a council house, and has threatened to do so!

I have offered to buy her out- she said no
I have offered to have her part rent- she declined
She won't move out

She knows she is fully protected by the stupid justice system in this country and doesn't have to do anything until the youngest is of age!

So please remind me again what choice I have?? Move out and have her live here while I'm out renting at £800 a month and paying child maintenance... I don't think so!