Financial problems afer baby 28 January 2016 at 1:02PM in MoneySaving mums 5 replies 3K views

LucyMi

Hi,
My name is Lucy and I have got 2 children who are 3 and 10 months . I work for a small firm in Windsor whereas my husband is unemployed and still looking for a well-paid job. Obviously, we have big financial problems that often lead to a little quarrel with my husband but the most unbearable are in-laws critics, have you ever met the same problem? How do you feel about it?

DigForVictory

"Not singly but in battalions" - oh yes.
May I make a few suggestions?

Get your OH to find & do some volunteer work. It's not what he's after but it's something on the cv, it'll be a current reference & it may include new skills. (Cash handling & correctly using a till may not seem relevant but being seen to be trusted & to learn new things are both big positives.) It'll also expand his networking pool.

This puts more of a burden on you as provider, but so long as both you & he stand together on this, you can keep the in-laws sniping in perspective. The world has changed vastly since they were looking for work. (If they ever did - some women I know have never worked & plume themselves upon it - I have to take a deep breath & remind myself that it Takes All Sorts, around them.)

The In-Laws Could Help. Childcare is obvious, but also gossip with a point - who's business is expanding, who's struggling with something your chap is actually rather good at? If you can divert them from sniping to selling (and detonating that idea will cause ripples) they could be potent allies. If they are just undermining, undervaluing & unhelpful, then you apologise for not bringing the children over to see them weekly but you're going on a family picnic/swim/tour of the local municipal architecture. Where you can have fun as a family & not get sniped at. Do still go, just once every three months, and when it suits *you*.

I'd hope your OH is not presently suffering from depression with the unemployment, but A often walks hand in hand with B - get him to the GP if necessary? Institute Family Walks so he gets the exercise (do you have a sling/harness/rucksack the baby enjoys that fits OH? Should you?) As offspring fore & aft plus pushchair, plus a brisk-ish pace? They need not be long walks! Family swims can be cracking good fun once 3 mo old has had the jabs - you all get home tired & hungry as hunters, so food planning in advance - soup, or pancake batter just waiting, pays off!

Are you eligible for any extra benefits - have you checked? Online it's pleasingly stigma-free, and you can find out what you need by way of documentation & get things mostly sorted.

If money is becoming a stinking issue, post a Statement of Affairs (not quite what it sounds!) and let the collective MSE wisdom have a nibble. Sometimes, the wording is pretty tough but the facts will be thrashed out to accurate. You may find you are printing coupons at work, and shopping in places you haven't been to previously - it's all part of the fun, and above all Money Saving.

Best of luck, Lucy, your OH & your children!

LucyMi

Thanks a lot for these nice and useful advices. I'll tell my husband about the volunteer work "Do still go, just once every three months, and when it suits *you*." it is what I do now but sometimes children want to see their grandma and I could not stop them. My husband didn't suffer much from unemployment despite of his bad temperament.

Paully232000

LucyMi wrote: »

Hi,
My name is Lucy and I have got 2 children who are 3 and 10 months . I work for a small firm in Windsor whereas my husband is unemployed and still looking for a well-paid job. Obviously, we have big financial problems that often lead to a little quarrel with my husband but the most unbearable are in-laws critics, have you ever met the same problem? How do you feel about it?

is he unable to take just anything before this 'well paid job'comes along?

dancingfairy

I think if you have recently lost your job and have a decent chance of getting a well paid job ( ie you have contacts or are getting interviews etc) then its fine to hold out for a well paid job, however as time wears on you have to be more realistic and consider whether, actually it is better for you to be bringing in some money ( however little if may seem) than nothing at all.
You may also find if you find work at say a big firm at a lower level that when a job at a higher level become.ez available you are first to hear of it before the general public. He could of course take a position and continue to job hunt over the next 6 months or so and leave when he has found a 'decent' job.
Dd

bambos

It's great that at least one of you is working and I know it's tough to find the right job. I took a lower paid job as a cleaner in my local hospital as I was also waiting for the 'well paid job' to come along and it took two years to make its appearance and I've been there two weeks now. I think reality hits quick and after waiting and using all the savings I just took any job I could but it gave me time to find the right job which was exactly right for me.