Violent drug abusing stepson. 28 January 2016 at 3:50AM in MoneySaving dads 11 replies 15.9K views

Brit27

I'm not sure if this is the right place or forum but I'm after some advice on how to deal with my partner's 24 year old son.
We have lived together for 5 years, with my partner's younger son (20), her eldest son went off the rails at around the age of 15 and is now dependant on legal highs, he lives in shared accommodation and has never held down a job for long.
He threatened me and damaged my property back at the beginning of last summer and subsequently hit a policeman when arrested, for this he received a 100 day suspended sentence and community service.
Over the last three weeks he has been turning up at my house asking for money from his mum and brother, he becomes violent to himself if he doesn't get what he wants which is very scary to witness. The police have been called twice with crime numbers given when he forced his way into my partners car early one morning, then again his brother's ,he has actually been hiding in the garden waiting for them to leave the house in the mornings.
The police have suggested applying for a non molestation order, as they cannot arrest him unless he commits a crime to us, or my property (again). I want to know if we would be successful in applying for an order against him, or would we need more evidence including more calls to the police ?
It is awkward for me as he isn't my son but I can see him ending up tearing us apart if something isn't done to stop him harassing us, the police have told me not to touch him, but just ask him to leave twice and then call 999 if he refuses, this we did last year which led to him striking an officer, so as you can see we are just going around in circles.

TBagpuss

It would be possible to apply for a non-molestation order. You can also ask the police to treat it as harassment and to start to move towards taking actuion against him vioa the protection from harassment act.

For a non-mol, no-one can guarantee that the order will be granted but I think there would be a good chance. If you have not already done so, it may be halpful to get a formal solicitors letter sent to him specifcally telling him to stay away, and warning him both that his behaviour amounts to harassment and that if he continues to come to the property you will be taking further action.

This may help you in getting an order, and ,may also help the police to take anti-harassment action, as it provides evidence that he has been explicitly warned about his behaviour, so it is easier to then argue "We need an order as we have tried less drastic ways to keep sae and they have not worked"

Please note that a non-molestation order is generally specific to the the individual applicant so ou, your partner and her son would need to make the application jointly (an order forbidding hiom to harass your partner does not protect you)

Brit27

Thank you very much for your reply, I have just woken to find that he paid a visit this morning, as it is my partners payday. He was again in the garden waiting for her to leave the house, she asked him to leave twice, on refusal to comply the police were called once more, I haven't heard the outcome yet.
I was going to ask my partner to fill in the non-mol forms and take them to the court asap, but your suggestion seems like a better solution for now. The police have issued an harassment order against him for visiting his grand parents, as he has had hundreds of pounds from them over the last few months, he has just turned to his mum for source of finance to feed is habit.
I have never given him anything as he has stolen from my garage and inside the house when are backs are turned, the police could not find enough evidence on all three occasions ! I feel he is deliberately targeting his mum and brother, so the injunction would be in their names.

Gingernutty

Like the ad used to say...I saw this and thought of you

http://www.expressandstar.com/news/crime/2016/02/05/jailed-black-country-drug-addict-stole-from-his-mother-to-feed-his-habit/

alexadams88

Ask kindly to leave, if not call police but just don't touch or hit him as this will make the matter worst.

megaginge

I'd move towards this being harassment and seek a restraining order, personally. But I'm a pretty black and white person. I'd not want anything to do with him.

sounds like a matter of time before he ends up inside...

Sadly, there's likely no positive outcome to this for him or your partner in my opinion.

(which I provide purely as balance, I don't necessarily recommend taking such advice)

pickledonionspaceraider

This sounds an awful situation to be in

Are you sure that no one there is giving him money? as eventually after being told NO he would stop turning up - I would have thought

Brit27

Its been a while since I replied to this thread so here is an update. He was indeed convicted for burglary eventually , which came as a big relief to us all . His mother (my partner) and aunt have been visiting quite regularly, noticing an improvement in his behaviour while he is off of the legal highs, although in one call that he made last week to his father he apparently sounded high and then became very agitated when questioned about it .


The bad news is that he is being let out on a tag this Wednesday, so I'm sure the visits will return. His brother who still lives with us, said it was the worse news that he could have heard, that his world has been turned upside down.
He will be asked to stay away unless invited but I'm sure this will fall on deaf ears . He will no doubt tell me that he is a changed man and apologise , to me that is something that I cannot accept unless he proves it . Time will tell.

Primrose

Well you have had two months and the cynic in me (having seen the effects of addiction in a relative) leads me to suspect that the situation may already sadly jave relapsed. All i can advise is that you all stick to your guns abiut not tolerating any drug related behaviour on your own patch. Hopefully you have already made it clear that "one strike and he's out"

Brit27

Primrose wrote: »

Well you have had two months and the cynic in me (having seen the effects of addiction in a relative) leads me to suspect that the situation may already sadly jave relapsed. All i can advise is that you all stick to your guns abiut not tolerating any drug related behaviour on your own patch. Hopefully you have already made it clear that "one strike and he's out"

Sorry for the delay in replying .
I have met him twice since he was released, once at a funeral wake and then again when he met up with his mother once, on both occasions he appeared polite and certainly not as he was before he was sentenced. His Tag was removed last week, so we will see if he is tempted to relapse from the straight and narrow path he has seemingly adapted to. He also has a part time job to keep himself busy, that could be the making of him, I do honestly hope so.


I'm not sure if I am ready to have him anywhere near my property yet, as he is still paying for damages through the courts, we will see as Christmas approaches.

Primrose

My reaction is that time will tell. Meanwhile, I would stick to the rule that he only visits your house by invitation only, agreed in advance and obviously you will have to get your partner's agreement to this. He is going to have to learn the hard way that trust will now take a long time to be rebuilt and if your partner is serious about his rehabilitation she will hopefully be encouraging him to understand that steps to reintegrate him into the family must be taken slowly, especially as there are another brother's feelings to be taken into account.