Ideally a question for separated dads from their kids

Darksparkle

burlington6 wrote: »

35-40 minutes is nothing. People do more than this every day to get to work.

It's for your daughter, just do it

Completely agree with this. 35-40mins is nothing. I know people who do a lot more travelling to see their children/parents.

However if you think it is too much then live closer to your child. No one is more important.

Edit - I'm not a separated dad but have came from a home with separated parents. Dad generally lived between 10-40mins away (he moved a lot). Travel was never an issue and he didn't drive at first.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It takes me 20 minutes to walk to the pub most of my mates prefer. 20 Minutes drive in either direction to fulfil both your/your child's needs for contact and social support is pretty much nothing.

[Deleted User]

Thank you all for the input, i know i asked before but i wanted a perspective from a dads view from someone who maybe has done the same.
I agree when i am home being close by would make everything so much easier and yes it would be less travelling and more on hand to do normal things and pick-ups and drop off's and weekend clubs and just being there in case of a problem.
Also maybe the day when she wants to stay at mine outside of normal visiting days would be so much easier.
Its just my internal struggle with adapting to life in my stbx's home town that is making the decision difficult for me (how will i react if i see my stbx with a future partner maybe in the street with my daughter playing happy families or bumping into her friends or family, i'm not bitter but they are her life not mine, mine are all about 30 miles away, that's why i was thinking about moving back home). I want that bond with my daughter never to fade and it has been good to hear the different views, i think deep down i am being optimistic with the travel as school runs the traffic is a nightmare and would end up being longer.

duchy

Deleted_User wrote: »

Its just my internal struggle with adapting to life in my stbx's home town that is making the decision difficult for me (how will i react if i see my stbx with a future partner maybe in the street with my daughter playing happy families or bumping into her friends or family, i'm not bitter but they are her life not mine, mine are all about 30 miles away, that's why i was thinking about moving back home). I want that bond with my daughter never to fade and it has been good to hear the different views, i think deep down i am being optimistic with the travel as school runs the traffic is a nightmare and would end up being longer.

Realistically you'll probably both find new partners eventually - and if your child's mother does get together with a new partner odds are you'd see them together when you pick your daughter up anyway.

Time will take care of all of that bitterness and resentment anyway- at the moment it's still very raw but once you actually move out you'll start moving forward - At the moment you're stick in limbo and can't see a way forward but once you move out that will change.

Why are you worried about her friends and family and seeing them in the street ? Do they have reason to be angry with you - or realistically will they just take the more normal view that it is sad both for the couple and the child when a marriage or relationship breaks down ?

[Deleted User]

Nothing like that, I just know deep down they will all be taking my stbx's side and I totally understand that.
Ideally I would like a clean break but I know that means moving away.
The comment about calling in on Dad and it not being more of a scheduled visit brought it all home to me tbh. Sacrifices I can make for my girl will be made to keep that bond as strong as ever.

arbrighton

Deleted_User wrote: »

Thank you all for the input, i know i asked before but i wanted a perspective from a dads view from someone who maybe has done the same.
I agree when i am home being close by would make everything so much easier and yes it would be less travelling and more on hand to do normal things and pick-ups and drop off's and weekend clubs and just being there in case of a problem.
Also maybe the day when she wants to stay at mine outside of normal visiting days would be so much easier.
Its just my internal struggle with adapting to life in my stbx's home town that is making the decision difficult for me (how will i react if i see my stbx with a future partner maybe in the street with my daughter playing happy families or bumping into her friends or family, i'm not bitter but they are her life not mine, mine are all about 30 miles away, that's why i was thinking about moving back home). I want that bond with my daughter never to fade and it has been good to hear the different views, i think deep down i am being optimistic with the travel as school runs the traffic is a nightmare and would end up being longer.

Depends on whether you're more bothered about seeing your child than having a bit of a complex about this woman maybe moving on some day really doesn't it. PRIORITIES

fishybusiness

how will i react if i see my stbx with a future partner maybe in the street with my daughter playing happy families

I'd wondered about how you would deal with that, there was plenty to talk about so I left it.

It's happened to me, even down to going to pick the kids up and there is another bloke there. It takes some getting used to, the more you build the relationship with your kids, the easier it is.

On a personal level, I am happier with being closer, I'm thankful my kids are happy and I because I can go to their house without any hassle it has worked itself out.

My kids ask me to go over, sometimes to fix their computer, or help put something together of theirs, if my ex has a partner there, I am careful and respectful, and it works for me as I can see how they live in mums world.

[Deleted User]

Finally decided to live in a place in the middle, 15 mins from stbx's home and my family n friends home.
It's a 15 min drive from there to where my stbx will be living, that should be fine for travelling and it's far away from my stbx and close enough to my family.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Deleted_User wrote: »

Finally decided to live in a place in the middle, 15 mins from stbx's home and my family n friends home.
It's a 15 min drive from there to where my stbx will be living, that should be fine for travelling and it's far away from my stbx and close enough to my family.

Sounds absolutely perfect for all concerned.

Good luck.