Marriage Breakdown Advice

FBaby

I feel my wishes and feelings on what happens in my house that I bought with not one penny assistance from here have been ignored ??

Did you miss the part that says that once you are married, it isn't mine or yours any longer but ours? Even if you were to consider your house to be yours and yours only, since she has moved in with you, it has become her home and as such, she is also entitled to have a say over the dynamics of it.

I wouldn't get too confident over the 3 year period making it a short marriage. A close relation of mine who had supported his wife since they married two years previously had to share 50% of everything, even though they were no kids involved.

Starting point would be what you could agree too, if no agreement, it is up to a judge and they would take many things into consideration, ie. value of both homes, pensions, savings (which are no longer just yours), employment position and employment prospect, ie. the fact you gave up your jobs, but you could realistically get another one earning a good salary would be taken into consideration.

RAS

Lionheart99 wrote: »

I own our marital home outright, my wife has never paid a penny towards the mortgage, we have been married for three years.


I have no job, no pension, no car, recieve no benefits, and live off my savings.


My wife has a job 30k per year, a car, a little savings, a rental income from her home.[FONT=&quot]
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So you both own houses and she works?

FBaby wrote: »

Did you miss the part that says that once you are married, it isn't mine or yours any longer but ours?

Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander.

I suggest that you go and see a divorce lawyer urgently.

The longer you leave it the more complicated it gets. And part depends on the relative values of your properties.

I would suggest that you remind her that you could have half her house, spousal maintenance and half the rental income until things are divvied up etc.

I suspect her reluctance to move comes from the fact that she has tenants and would need to get them out first - and that she likes the income|?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You want to divorce her because she took her own child and grandchild into her home with you when they needed it? Seems a bit harsh - when you marry somebody who has children, no matter how old they are, I'd have thought that part of that is recognising that you're also accepting their children/grandchildren's needs are going to be taken into account.

And that would possibly have implications for a divorce, as you'd potentially be making a small child homeless - that may not be the case, but it's definitely something that you should discuss with a solicitor, rather than rely on random internet advice.

itsanne

Lionheart99 wrote: »

Thanks for helping, your the second person to say as its only been 3 years it greatly effects things, should I approach my solictor with this question do you think ?

More appropriately than strangers on the internet.

The difference the three years makes does not guarantee anything - it might make a difference. As it doesn't sound as if you're likely to agree things amicably, if you really want to separate it sounds as if you both need to consult a solicitor.

Lionheart99

RAS wrote: »

So you both own houses and she works?



Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander.

I suggest that you go and see a divorce lawyer urgently.

The longer you leave it the more complicated it gets. And part depends on the relative values of your properties.

I would suggest that you remind her that you could have half her house, spousal maintenance and half the rental income until things are divvied up etc.

I suspect her reluctance to move comes from the fact that she has tenants and would need to get them out first - and that she likes the income|?

thanks for this its appreciated...

prosaver

i know it sounds old fashioned but why dont you see a marriage councillor?...or
google :how to get on with your partner and save your
marriage.
it might be just a thing your going threw

[Deleted User]

I'd suggest some counselling. For you. It rather sounds like you are in a difficult situation from a number of angles, no job, bad experience in a job, feeling 'out of it' at home. Are you feeling neglected/ignored/emasculated (it seems like it)? How has this situation come about? Is it something you could fix?

Could you be depressed? Even if not, counselling will help you discover what you really want and why, and how to go about it. Splitting up may not be the only option. You could talk with your wife, but perhaps in a different way or take a different approach before finally giving up on everything.

I wonder if moving out of the home and going for a divorce may not help, it may make things worse.

Your comments seem slightly dogmatic. This could be a part of the problem - it could be that both you and your wife are feeling quite bad. She may have her daughter there to give support to herself.

Lionheart99

deannatrois wrote: »

I'd suggest some counselling. For you. It rather sounds like you are in a difficult situation from a number of angles, no job, bad experience in a job, feeling 'out of it' at home. Are you feeling neglected/ignored/emasculated (it seems like it)? How has this situation come about? Is it something you could fix?

Could you be depressed? Even if not, counselling will help you discover what you really want and why, and how to go about it. Splitting up may not be the only option. You could talk with your wife, but perhaps in a different way or take a different approach before finally giving up on everything.

I wonder if moving out of the home and going for a divorce may not help, it may make things worse.

Your comments seem slightly dogmatic. This could be a part of the problem - it could be that both you and your wife are feeling quite bad. She may have her daughter there to give support to herself.

Thankyou for this, a very thoughtful and insightful answer. Ive actually had this long talk, the daughter is the real problem here sha has got many @issues@ and her real dad is as they say 'a waste of skin'.

Thanks once again itt really appreciated

Lionheart99

deannatrois wrote: »

I'd suggest some counselling. For you. It rather sounds like you are in a difficult situation from a number of angles, no job, bad experience in a job, feeling 'out of it' at home. Are you feeling neglected/ignored/emasculated (it seems like it)? How has this situation come about? Is it something you could fix?

Could you be depressed? Even if not, counselling will help you discover what you really want and why, and how to go about it. Splitting up may not be the only option. You could talk with your wife, but perhaps in a different way or take a different approach before finally giving up on everything.

I wonder if moving out of the home and going for a divorce may not help, it may make things worse.

Your comments seem slightly dogmatic. This could be a part of the problem - it could be that both you and your wife are feeling quite bad. She may have her daughter there to give support to herself.

Thankyou for this, a very thoughtful and insightful answer. Ive actually had this long talk, the daughter is the real problem here sha has got many @issues@ and her real dad is as they say 'a waste of skin'.

Thanks once again itt really appreciated.

I got some good and incorrect advice on here, I saw a solicitor yesterday. I thought it might be useful to give you all and to help others the legal position on some of these facts.

My solicitor said.

1. As weve been married 2.5 years and we both have homes and have no children together, the court would almost always put you back in the position you were in before the marriage as i have no job / pension or income. Neither would be forced to sell or buy each other out. -

2. The daughter has no @right of occupancy@ only the wife, so ican change the locks leagally but i must give my wife a key, if my wife gives the daughter a key legal proceedings could begin agsinst my wife. ((I would clearly never do this). Short marriages under 5 years where there are no children together are treated very differently to longer marriages.

3. I cannot immediately ask my wife to leave until the final divorce hearing.

4. The cost of it going to a full hearing would be 10k each ?

5. It almost never gets as far as a full hearing.


Thanks to everyone for helping me on this excellent board.........

benrben

Op, have you actually sat down & discussed the issues with your wife? If you haven't then I suggest you do, she may not realise that you dislike having your stepdaughter & stepgrandchild stay with you & that your life is now a "living hell".
You do come across as very fixed on the idea of divorce & quite petulant, do you love your wife? If you do, wouldn't it be better to focus on how you can help her help her daughter become more independent? You may find she's feeling between a rock & a hard place, wanting to help/support her child & grandchild especially if her daughter has problems & a useless father but keeping you happy too.