Wedding Question - when you only know the groom and best man

dirty_magic

If you're going to miss the meal though do make sure they know you won't be eating. I'd peeved if a guest didn't turn up when I'd paid for a meal for them!

Mojisola

CRANKY40 wrote: »

Compromise? Go to the church then back to your hotel for a rest while he does speeches/sit down reception so that you have enough energy to enjoy the evening do with him?

princeofpounds wrote: »

I'd actually suggest not skipping the meal, because you will normally be placed on a table you might have something in common with, and it's very much easier to talk to people for a defined time and food to eat when you aren't talking.

As someone with ME, I would find the day much easier to manage if I had a rest in the middle of the day - just as Cranky suggests.

You can spend as long (or as short) a time at the evening do as you can manage - no-one will notice what time you leave - whereas having to walk out of the meal early because you've reached your limits could upset the bride and groom.

Serendipitious

You need to do what is best for your health and energy levels, as you must put that first.

Re sitting separately during the meal, I imagine there will be others in the same situation, such as the bridesmaids' boyfriends/partners etc who will be seated separately due to top table arrangements. Same applies if either of the newly weds' parents are divorced and have new partners.

At some weddings, tables are arranged so that the partners of those at the top table are seated very close to it.

Have a lovely time, but do what is best for you.

theoretica

Another thought is that it isn't for months - you have time, if you wanted, to ask for introductions to other people who would be at the wedding, especially people you might be sat next to or people who also may not know many others. You wouldn't know them well by the wedding, but they wouldn't be total strangers.

toniq

You are a naturally easy to chat to person, I was so shy when we met but within minutes I felt at ease as we chatted.

Just think of it as meeting us all for the first time, yes we had common ground but you never know with these new people what interests in common you might have.

I personally think you will be fine, you are fun and kind to be around and I never once felt uneasy.

A glass of vino down your neck and with your smile you will do good.


xxx

maman

In your circumstances (assuming you find it hard to cope physically with a full day because of ME) I think the split day suggested is probably the best solution. I think you do need to be up front with the groom about why you need to do this.


If you didn't have a health problem then I'd have said it would be very odd for the best man's partner not to be at the whole event. I'm sure the bride and groom would give some thought to where they put you in the seating plan but you'd need to make the effort at conversation too.


One thing that did occur to me: are you sure there'll be a traditional top table? I went to a recent wedding where the guests were all on round tables of about 8 people. Best man with partner was on one, bride & groom with parents and a couple of old friends on another, bridesmaids on another etc.

Mojisola

toniq wrote: »

A glass of vino down your neck and with your smile you will do good.

Many people with ME can't tolerate alcohol so that isn't an option.

pollypenny

I think missing the meal would be a missed opportunity to meet and bond with people whose company you may well be in for the evening. You'll feel s little left out then.

As said, there may be other partners in the same boat and a considerate bride will ensure you're on a table with other friendly people. You will probably meet some the night before anyway.

fierystormcloud

duchy wrote: »

If you really don't want to go then don't

@divadee won't be able to make the wedding due to a prior commitment/health reasons <depends how comfortable you are saying health) but will be coming in the evening.

Job done.

Bride and groom will probably be happy to have an extra invite for the day to offer to someone who does want to attend and you get a relaxing day at your hotel (book one with a spa and pamper yourself for the afternoon.)

Maybe book your room at a different hotel if the reception is at a hotel though !!

This. ^^^ With bells on. :T

Get hubby to write back saying you cannot make the wedding as you get tired easily or something similar (which isn't a lie if you have M.E!) But you will be happy to attend in the evening.

belfastgirl23

In my experience (DH has been BM twice), it's fine once the meal is over. The worst bit is the hanging about between church and reception whilst photos etc are happening - though I think that for all weddings anyway.

I agree with the others, find a compromise. But definitely plan something else for the in between bit.

The other thing to think about is transport. Your DH may very well end up being transported along with the groom and then later with bridesmaids so you will need to travel to church and from church to reception alone if they are in different places. If you don't drive might be easier to just go to the reception?