Feel so let down

Abitdown

How much debt is HE actually in Faith? Not including the loan you took for him; I mean specifically secured/unsecured debt in HIS name only.

Faith177

Abitdown wrote: »

How much debt is HE actually in Faith? Not including the loan you took for him; I mean specifically secured/unsecured debt in HIS name only.

25K including credit cards, loans and overdrafts

enthusiasticsaver

Why doesn't your husband go for a DMP or IVA rather than BR and then he can keep the car? He is working isn't he and I know £25 is a lot but it is a lot lower than some who have gone down the DMP route instead? Why the rush into BR? Is that what stepchange have advised?

Faith177

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Why doesn't your husband go for a DMP or IVA rather than BR and then he can keep the car? He is working isn't he and I know £25 is a lot but it is a lot lower than some who have gone down the DMP route instead? Why the rush into BR? Is that what stepchange have advised?

Yes it is what stepchange advised him IVA didn't seem to be an option they offered DMP but that's just dragging it out really as he is never going to make a dent in it he only earns 23K so outgoings are way more than incomings

Abitdown

I'm sure stepchange have given him the appropriate advice assuming that he has been 100% honest with them. If he's not sure though, it may be worth talking to National Debt Line too.

dancingfairy

It sounds like the last few years have been tough, some of it perhaps is slightly self causedv( by your oh) but a lot of it like your health issues and the death of your mum, obviously not. I'm wondering whether he knew he was in a pickle and pride/ stupidity meant he couldn't face telling you due to trying to protect you.
I can understand you being hurt/ angry/ upset etc but I think you need to sit down and have a proper chat.
Df

Faith177

dancingfairy wrote: »

It sounds like the last few years have been tough, some of it perhaps is slightly self causedv( by your oh) but a lot of it like your health issues and the death of your mum, obviously not. I'm wondering whether he knew he was in a pickle and pride/ stupidity meant he couldn't face telling you due to trying to protect you.
I can understand you being hurt/ angry/ upset etc but I think you need to sit down and have a proper chat.
Df

Thank you

We have been talking but with OH it has to be little at a time otherwise he just gets fed up talking and shuts down which makes things even more difficult. He has admitted he didn't want to cause me more stress which I understand but he knows I worry about finances (a lot) so letting it get this bad is worst than if he had told me from the start.

We are getting there I am still annoyed especially as now he's admitted he won't be able to get me anything for my 30th which hurt a little bit. We are going to Budapest for a few days I booked it and he was meant to be paying me back that was the agreement in Oct so now I've paid for my own trip away and it'll be me finding the spending money out of my birthday money as he will be saving for his fees. My nan is going to help him out though she kept a little bit back and is going to lend him £300 to get the fees done asap and we are going to pay her back out of my bonus when it comes in (me picking up the slack AGAIN) and then he'll pay me back when he can otherwise it's going to drag on & on and most of the companies have only agreed to the £1 a month for about a month or two so we need to get it done.

I would cancel the trip but because of how late in the day it is before we go I won't get anything back so no point. It's not an expensive place so we should be ok.

Tiddlywinks

Faith - I've just read some of your other recent threads as I recognised your username from other boards.

I would not normally support or try to defend a person who appears to have concealed facts from their partner HOWEVER (based on your other threads) I do think the situation is not as one sided as you have described on this thread.

Firstly, the car - you have posted a thread on the motoring board about having inherited your mum's car. Can't you just keep this to use and return the car that is currently on HP?

More generally, you and your husband should be equal partners yet you seem to see him as less than that.

He had to sign a pre-nup, he pays rent to your brother even though you jointly own the house.

You manage your bills separately and seem to insist that money is 'his' or 'yours' rather than a joint venture even though your husband has been forced into this position partially by his relationship with you.

Instead of just labelling yourself as a victim you need to accept that you have played a part in where you are today.

You husband left his job and moved away from his home town to live with you - this means that he had less employment security because he had to start again. Yes, he then had work problems BUT that can happen to nearly anyone yet you seem to blame him rather than support him.

In another thread you mentioned your husband had been off work sick for a long period - yet in this thread you don't seem to place any importance on this fact as a contributor to his debt and work position.

Look at this from his point of view - he moved home, job and got married. He struggled at work and was let go. He had a period of long term sickness, had a period of unemployment and then could only get a job with a lower salary.

Whilst all this was happening to him, you were dealing with your mum's illness and then losing her. You also had your own health troubles.

Can't you see how difficult this would have been for him? How the heck could he easily look to you for support and help when you were in you own world of hell?

Rather than distancing yourself from this problem and seeing it as entirely his fault, you need to view you and your husband as a team... both of you against the rest of the world.

If you're not a team then what's the point?