Feel so let down

Faith177

It's on HP :mad::(

dancingfairy

So if he stopped paying all his debts how much 'spare' does he have each month? He can write to all his creditors offer them all 1 pound per month whilst he is taking advice. He will need to save the money for bankruptcy so basically he needs to stop paying his creditors long enough to save 1k for a car plus about 800? for the bankruptcy.
The 250 a month for your loan is a different matter. You are now responsible for this I'm afraid
You will need to consider your own financial position now as well.
Df

dancingfairy

I'm assuming you rent and there are no issues with the housing situation?
Df

Faith177

dancingfairy wrote: »

I'm assuming you rent and there are no issues with the housing situation?
Df

dancingfairy wrote: »

So if he stopped paying all his debts how much 'spare' does he have each month? He can write to all his creditors offer them all 1 pound per month whilst he is taking advice. He will need to save the money for bankruptcy so basically he needs to stop paying his creditors long enough to save 1k for a car plus about 800? for the bankruptcy.
The 250 a month for your loan is a different matter. You are now responsible for this I'm afraid
You will need to consider your own financial position now as well.
Df

I think and I'll need to double check with him he'd have about £500 a I think spare so it would take too long to save for both.

We'll just have to lose the car which means I won't be able to see my family or him his for the foreseeable future and if my grandad gets any worst I might miss the chance to say good bye as travel is just too expensive. If that happens I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him

I can just about get by but it'll be a squeeze and make things even harder because if something goes wrong we won't have any fall back

The housing situation is strange I originally owned it with my mum and we had a mortgage he signed a form when we took out the mortgage he signed away his rights to the house. The mortgage then got paid off when my mum died and my brother inherited my mums half so he now pays the rent he paid to my mum to my brother.

dancingfairy

From what I can tell the house should be o.k ( but I'm not an expert).
If you can't keep the current car why can't he save up for 1? It would be 3 or 4 months to save up Inc the bankruptcy fees. Can he do overtime? Find things to sell? Take on a second job for a few months even if he works Saturdays in a shop or in a car wash or something? He's got into this mess....
Df

Maximum_Saving

I am so happy to read that you don't have linked finances. I wish that you camly try to find out how your husband got so very much into debt. It is wonderful that you have found out now. It could have been years in the future. Maybe your husband could take on a second job to be able to pay off some of his debt. I suggest you take him to the library and borrow a book about getting out of debt. Good luck.

I am trying to pay off my mortgage by September 2017. Today £24,300

Faith177

dancingfairy wrote: »

From what I can tell the house should be o.k ( but I'm not an expert).
If you can't keep the current car why can't he save up for 1? It would be 3 or 4 months to save up Inc the bankruptcy fees. Can he do overtime? Find things to sell? Take on a second job for a few months even if he works Saturdays in a shop or in a car wash or something? He's got into this mess....
Df

Maximum_Saving wrote: »

I am so happy to read that you don't have linked finances. I wish that you camly try to find out how your husband got so very much into debt. It is wonderful that you have found out now. It could have been years in the future. Maybe your husband could take on a second job to be able to pay off some of his debt. I suggest you take him to the library and borrow a book about getting out of debt. Good luck.

I am trying to pay off my mortgage by September 2017. Today £24,300

Unfortunately he can't take a second job because the one he does now requires him to be on call every other weekend and he doesn't have consistent finishing times sometimes it's as early as 4 sometimes as late as 9pm. Overtime is very limited there hasn't been any since September and it'll be months before any more comes up

He has literally nothing of worth to sell we tried that shortly after my mum dies while I was waiting for money to come through

We'll just have to put up without a car it's our only choice. So p'd off that I've worked my !!!! off all these years and he's p'd it all away and has f all to show for it!

The debt came from him keep losing his bloody jobs and taking pay cuts and then lying to my face about it. It's not like he even did anything to get the debt. We haven't been on holiday in 2 years and that was our first ever and we had been together 6 years then. He's an idiot and right now I really hate him

KeepOnKnitting

Oh Faith, I have no helpful money advice to give, but I just want to send you some virtual hugs. Maybe it isn't such a bad idea if your husband just defaults on everything for a few months while you get together the money for the bankruptcy and a cheap car. You can probably get something on ebay with a 12 month MOT for about £500 if you are not fussy. Or just keep £500 for emergency travel to see your family.

I appreciate that you are mad as hell at him, but maybe when you are calm be a little bit thankful for the fact that you have a home, food to eat, family to love, and a husband who may drive you up the wall but who hasn't done this deliberately or through being hugely reckless. He hoped for better days when he could sort out his finances, like so many of us have. No drinking/gambling/drugs problem. Just not wanting to seem like a rubbish husband to you.

This too shall pass.

p00hsticks

Faith177 wrote: »

So p'd off that I've worked my !!!! off all these years and he's p'd it all away and has f all to show for it!

I tell you're pretty steamed up at the moment and perhaps I'm missing something but that seems a bit harsh...

From what you say the root cause of the debt started after your OH relocated to be with you (presumably that was a joint decision between the two of you) and then lost his job- you don't say why, but you later refer to him as being 'let go' so I'm taking it as not bein down to anything bad he did.

It's then escalated as since he got another job he's been off sick, had to take a pay cut, and has lost the opportunity of any overtime.

So unless there's something you're not telling us about him having a drink / gambling problem or shopping addiction, he's simply not been able to keep up with paying the bills.

And if you don't drive yourself, but expect him to drive you places it seems rather unfair to say ....

Faith177 wrote: »

We'll just have to lose the car which means I won't be able to see my family or him his for the foreseeable future and if my grandad gets any worst I might miss the chance to say good bye as travel is just too expensive. If that happens I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him

Faith177

p00hsticks wrote: »

I tell you're pretty steamed up at the moment and perhaps I'm missing something but that seems a bit harsh...

From what you say the root cause of the debt started after your OH relocated to be with you (presumably that was a joint decision between the two of you) and then lost his job- you don't say why, but you later refer to him as being 'let go' so I'm taking it as not bein down to anything bad he did.

It's then escalated as since he got another job he's been off sick, had to take a pay cut, and has lost the opportunity of any overtime.

So unless there's something you're not telling us about him having a drink / gambling problem or shopping addiction, he's simply not been able to keep up with paying the bills.

And if you don't drive yourself, but expect him to drive you places it seems rather unfair to say ....

It was a joint a decision for him to move back but I was mislead over the exact details he told me the pay cut was £2.5K which was within our household budget but it was actually £5K which had I known that would have made the decision a bit different.

He left his job & got a new one with better hours but this involved another pay cut of about £1.20ish an hour but again I was working of the amount he told me previously which he had lied about. He then made a error at work which because he was in his probation period they terminated his job. He went back to his previous job but his first day back my mum died so he had compassionate leave for a couple of weeks and then went back was back a couple of months then went sick. He was off for ages and then decided he didn't want to work there any more due to a row with the manager while the manager was drunk (common occurrence) so quit on the spot (without speaking to me) it then took him a few weeks to get a new job but this was again on an even lower wage. He was meant to get a pay rise when he was doing jobs on his own but this kept getting delayed due to them not having a spare van.

No there are no hidden details except the ones he hid from me

I don't drive because I couldn't afford to learn initially I was saving to buy my house so didn't bother. Then we were saving for our wedding and I had to use the majority of that savings bailing him out when he was unemployed for quite a while the first time. Then my mum got sick and couldn't work so I was giving her all my spare money as she was on her own (my dad died when I was 5). I don't expect him to drive but as I spent all my savings bailing him out the first 2 times and helping my mum I didn't really have a chance to learn.

I just wish he had been truthful to me from the start all of this could have been avoided. Even now I don't think he gets how serious it all is

With regards to him defaulting on the car loan stepchange have strongly advised him not to do this as it's about the only one he's not in arrears with. I'm not sure why they have advised him that when they know he wont be allowed to keep it. I might get him to ring them again and double check.

And just to update he wont be £500 a month better off he'll only be £300 so it'll take forever to get the fees plus a car sorted and it's time he just doesn't