Feel so let down

Faith177

Last night found out that my husband has been lying to me for the best part of 3 years nearly about how much debt he is in

It has all come to ahead now and he is in the process of speaking to Stepchange to see which option they suggest be it DMP, IVA or Bankruptcy at my insistence if I hadn't I think he would still be buying his head

I just wondered if anyone else went through anything similar? I am so mad at him I don't even want to look at him. I still love him but I can't believe he's done this I gave him so many chances to tell me and he just carried on. I have taken 2 loans out for him in the past on the promise he would sort it out.

It all stems from him taking a cut in wages he told me it was only 2.5K turns out it was more like 5K! He then left that job in Sept 2014 and started another one that last about 4-5 months before he was let go he was on weekly pay so I think he got into the Oh well there is more money next week I'll cut back then trap. He went back to his old job but then became ill so didn't work for most of last year. He then finally started his job he has now in September.

I feel like I have married a completely !!!!less wonder! He wasn't like this until about his 2nd year after he moved down here to be with me and he lost his job he had been in for years and was out of work for nearly 6 months.

Another thing I would like to know we have no linked finances so as far as I can gather from the reading I have done since this all blew up I won't be affected as we have no financial link is this correct?

TIA xx

Abitdown

Well Faith, try not to judge him too harshly until the full story comes out. His debt could be due to any number of reasons and the fact he didn't face up to it is more common than not I'd wager (pride, embarrassment, depression etc etc).

Sounds like you both need a full and frank talk (without getting too angry or emotional) about more than just the finances.

If you have no linked finances or joint debt then it won't affect your credit rating at all.

Faith177

Abitdown wrote: »

Well Faith, try not to judge him too harshly until the full story comes out. His debt could be due to any number of reasons and the fact he didn't face up to it is more common than not I'd wager (pride, embarrassment, depression etc etc).

Sounds like you both need a full and frank talk (without getting too angry or emotional) about more than just the finances.

If you have no linked finances or joint debt then it won't affect your credit rating at all.

Thank you I am trying to be fair to him but after the year I had last year after losing mum (which he kind of used as one of the reasons for not telling me which got my back up) I was really hoping this year would be better. We were chatting at new year about all the things we could do this year and he encouraged me the whole time knowing it wasn't going to happen

I'm going to wait and see what Stepchange say and what his options are but I have already said that no matter what I'll stick by him as I said I love him but he has let me down big time on this as he knows how I feel about this sort of thing.

That's a relief I've worked really hard to keep my record squeaky clean through everything me having a nervous breakdown (which he also used as a reason for not telling me :mad:), my mum being sick, having to bail him out every time he was out of work, my mum passing away and I don't want it all to be thrown away due to something I had no clue about

Another thing I am unsure about is his car how that works if he is made bankrupt as he has HPI on the vehicle. It's nothing fancy just a 2012 Chevrolet Spark worth just over £2K now. I don't drive so we rely on him to go anywhere especially as all our family are in Midlands, Lincolnshire and Nottingham and with my Grandad having lung cancer we need to be able to drop and go if we need too. He has a van for work no personal use allowed but sometimes uses his car if he is getting a lift with one of the others guys he's teamed with that day. Is he likely to be able to keep this?

TheGardener

Money probably causes more marital disharmony than anything else so you're not alone there. You need to view the BR as the fresh start - and the point where everything did change as you hoped in your NY conversations.
It sounds like he has suffered the same despair and depression most people in hopeless debt suffer and speaking from experience - I can tell you that the sleepless nights, the stress that colours every aspect of your life (including your relationships) will begin to change once he beings taking control of the situation with your support.
There is every reason to believe that once the BR is taken care of - you will indeed have the fresh start and better outlook you talked about - the fact you love each other is the only really important bit you must not lose sight of

Faith177

TheGardener wrote: »

Money probably causes more marital disharmony than anything else so you're not alone there. You need to view the BR as the fresh start - and the point where everything did change as you hoped in your NY conversations.
It sounds like he has suffered the same despair and depression most people in hopeless debt suffer and speaking from experience - I can tell you that the sleepless nights, the stress that colours every aspect of your life (including your relationships) will begin to change once he beings taking control of the situation with your support.
There is every reason to believe that once the BR is taken care of - you will indeed have the fresh start and better outlook you talked about - the fact you love each other is the only really important bit you must not lose sight of

Thank you that is how we were talking about it last night after step change confirmed that was pretty much his only option. I've told him the way to look at is 1 bad year until it's spent and then he'll be kind of back to normal.

Our main concern now is the car he has paid over 50% of it so the finance company can ask for it back. Only problem is he only has 18 months left and its paid off. Is there any chance the OR would let him have a budget to continue paying for the car (he isn't in arrears) so we can keep the car we rely heavily on any it very economical £30 a year road tax insurance under £50 a month and petrol only about £30 to fill the tank. If he had to get another car it would actually probably cost him more to run than this one does even if he continues paying the monthly payment.

Or can he sign it over to my name to pay the finance but then will he be allowed a budget to run it as technically not his car anymore?

Another pain is going to be losing his lloyds account because that has Aa breakdown, home emergency cover and our mobile phone insurance all linked to it as a packaged benefit account and we do use.

Abitdown

It's unlikely the OR will let him have a budget to keep the car and moreover, there's a good chance the finance company will want to repossess it on bankruptcy anyway.

Typically (as I understand it) the OR will allow him to replace it with a car up to the value of £1k as long as he can demonstrate why he must have a vehicle.

Regarding losing the Lloyd's account, frankly that's a small price to pay for getting his debt problems sorted. Could you not open an account with Lloyd's and get the same benefits?

Abitdown

PS, really glad you're working through it together. If you can both get through this as a team, you'll be stronger as a result and that is a positive thing!

Faith177

Abitdown wrote: »

PS, really glad you're working through it together. If you can both get through this as a team, you'll be stronger as a result and that is a positive thing!

Thank you I'm still mad at him but I'm coming to terms with it

That's what I was thinking of doing regarding the account but I'll have to wait to see if OR will accept the money he pays me into the budget otherwise I won't have any spare money to do it

I took a loan out to help him out a few years ago it's about £250 a month but because it's in my name I don't think they will allow for that. So I'll be £250 down a month on top of everything else

Yeah I think the car will go too which is a shame because it's a fantastic car and such low costs to run.

What if we paid the car off would that help at all to be able to keep it?

luvchocolate

If the loan is in your name then that is your responsibility.
As said in a previous post if you can prove the need for a car ..the value allowed is £1,000 I was told by my examiner it does not matter if you need a reliable car, I cover 39 sites so my car is proven and he stretched it to the £1,500 my car was valued at..I counted myself lucky.

Faith177

But we don't own the car yet it's on finance and we won't have the money to buy a new one so what happens then? I'm guessing we are left without a car

!!!!!!!! He has mucked this up royally

tigerfeet2006

Is the car on HP or did he take a loan out to buy the car?