Recently separated: any advice!

sallybunny

Hello,

I've been on and off the boards over the years depending on what's going on in life. The last year has not been the best and I've just separated from my husband. So now I need advice on what to do next!

Everything is pretty amicable so far. We've agreed child maintenance and what he's still paying towards the house, he's moving into a rented place next week and I've just applied for tax credits.

My main concerns atm are making sure I haven't missed something I should be doing and also paying off the debts. We were all set to have everything paid off, and then this year happened and I completely lost sight of the budgets (it was all me that had to do the budgeting and keeping track of money, he dipped in as he needed regardless. One of the reasons for separating is his inability to deal with anything vaguely domestic).

A bit about the situation:
We have 2 boys aged 6 and 3 who will be mainly living with me.
I work part time
We have a house with a reasonable amount of equity; he's still paying 1/3 mortgage and 1/3 maintenance until we decide what to do with it.
We have joint debts on 0% card of £4000.
We have no savings

So advice please! Throw anything at me that you think I might need to know!

Guest101

sallybunny wrote: »

Hello,

I've been on and off the boards over the years depending on what's going on in life. The last year has not been the best and I've just separated from my husband. So now I need advice on what to do next!

Everything is pretty amicable so far. We've agreed child maintenance and what he's still paying towards the house, he's moving into a rented place next week and I've just applied for tax credits. - Why's he still paying towards the house? and did you declare this income when you applied for tax credits?

My main concerns atm are making sure I haven't missed something I should be doing and also paying off the debts. We were all set to have everything paid off, and then this year happened and I completely lost sight of the budgets (it was all me that had to do the budgeting and keeping track of money, he dipped in as he needed regardless. One of the reasons for separating is his inability to deal with anything vaguely domestic). - Can I just check where the money was coming from? Are you both working?

A bit about the situation:
We have 2 boys aged 6 and 3 who will be mainly living with me. - Have you agreed contact?
I work part time
We have a house with a reasonable amount of equity; he's still paying 1/3 mortgage and 1/3 maintenance until we decide what to do with it. - Not sure why? but ok.
We have joint debts on 0% card of £4000.
We have no savings

So advice please! Throw anything at me that you think I might need to know!

Make an agreement in writing, both should try to listen twice as much as talk (it doesn't work out that way, but aim for that), make sure the situation is clear about kids and future partners & don't assume that what you agree today will be the same in 6/12/18 months time. (in particular the 1/3 house payments)

sallybunny

Hello, thanks for the reply.

Everything is pretty amicable so far. We've agreed child maintenance and what he's still paying towards the house, he's moving into a rented place next week and I've just applied for tax credits. - Why's he still paying towards the house? and did you declare this income when you applied for tax credits?
He's still paying towards the house as part of supporting the children for now. We're also part way through renovations so he's going to continue to help pay for this. I didn't declare this income as when we sell the house he will be being paid this back. I'm not claiming housing benefit as the house is not rented. Should I have declared it?

Can I just check where the money was coming from? Are you both working?
We are both working, but he was more than happy to hand over all responsibility for anything domestic to me - I didn't want it that way, but it happened. It meant budgeting was very hard with lots of juggling and recourse to credit cards at times

Have you agreed contact?
Yes - this has been agreed to both our satisfaction

Make an agreement in writing
Should we make a formal separation agreement? This is something that we've mentioned but not followed up yet. What should we include in it and will anything in this agreement affect the final divorce agreement e.g. house and pension?

We're still in the very early days of the separation and still coming to terms with what has happened so very much feeling our way and trying to stay friends. Basically, we're friends who just can't live together.

Guest101

sallybunny wrote: »

Hello, thanks for the reply.

Everything is pretty amicable so far. We've agreed child maintenance and what he's still paying towards the house, he's moving into a rented place next week and I've just applied for tax credits. - Why's he still paying towards the house? and did you declare this income when you applied for tax credits?
He's still paying towards the house as part of supporting the children for now. We're also part way through renovations so he's going to continue to help pay for this. I didn't declare this income as when we sell the house he will be being paid this back. I'm not claiming housing benefit as the house is not rented. Should I have declared it? - You are receiving an income and should've declared it yes. You are no longer 'one household' so any money which he pays in theory affects your entitlement to tax credits.

Can I just check where the money was coming from? Are you both working?
We are both working, but he was more than happy to hand over all responsibility for anything domestic to me - I didn't want it that way, but it happened. It meant budgeting was very hard with lots of juggling and recourse to credit cards at times - No, sure, I understand. I presume (and please correct me) that he was working full time? I mean it would be fair to say you didn't split driving 50/50 all the time? Perhaps he did a bit more there too? It would be silly to split everything literally 50/50. Either way, you weren't happy so you ended it. It was more for my own edification.

Have you agreed contact?
Yes - this has been agreed to both our satisfaction - Excellent, great when parents can agree these important decisions. Remember he'll also have a say in school choices etc.

Make an agreement in writing
Should we make a formal separation agreement? - Not necessary, a simple document which details money, contact and the assets of the marriage should be sufficient. This is something that we've mentioned but not followed up yet. What should we include in it and will anything in this agreement affect the final divorce agreement e.g. house and pension? - In theory yes, the judge can ultimately make the decision if you cant agree, but since you are amicable at present.

We're still in the very early days of the separation and still coming to terms with what has happened so very much feeling our way and trying to stay friends. Basically, we're friends who just can't live together.

I wouldn't live with any of my 'friends', Christ no! But obviously there's more than friendship here, you're co-parents at the very least.


As for the written document:


I would spell it out, for example:


intention of child contact is:
X days a week / fortnight
Half holidays
Alternate special events


Child maintenance paid:


Assets:
Car:
House (to be sold in x years) proceeds split: XX / XX


Etc.

sallybunny

You are receiving an income and should've declared it yes. You are no longer 'one household' so any money which he pays in theory affects your entitlement to tax credits.

Ah right - I thought because it was essentially child maintenance then I didn't have to declare it. We couldn't afford to stay in the house if he didn't pay this and so for the benefit of the children and to allow us to take our time over deciding what to do, this was agreed.

Guest101

sallybunny wrote: »

You are receiving an income and should've declared it yes. You are no longer 'one household' so any money which he pays in theory affects your entitlement to tax credits.

Ah right - I thought because it was essentially child maintenance then I didn't have to declare it. We couldn't afford to stay in the house if he didn't pay this and so for the benefit of the children and to allow us to take our time over deciding what to do, this was agreed.

It cant be both child maintenance and investment in the property.


You've agreed child maintenance payments and agreed a separate income in the form of 1/3 costs for the house.


Even if he paid 1/3 mortgage direct to the lender, he is still supplementing your lifestyle, you are getting an income.


Without being funny, if you cant afford to stay there, you need to move, sooner rather than later. There's already upheaval now for the children, do you want more in 12 months or just get it over an done with?


Unless theres a chance of reconciliation - which you don't mention - then it should be like taking off the plaster, 1 quick pull.

girlsmum

your ex paying towards the mortgage is not classed as income (never heard of that before)

HMRC website states

Your income includes:

wages as an employee, including any ‘employer benefits’ you might have had
profit from self-employment
other income, like interest on savings or pensions
money from state benefits unless they’re ‘tax free’ benefits

Guest101

girlsmum wrote: »

your ex paying towards the mortgage is not classed as income (never heard of that before) - If ex pays the lender direct it's not an income (obviously, as she never sees the money) but the OP said the ex was paying the money to her, which is an income.

HMRC website states

Your income includes:

wages as an employee, including any ‘employer benefits’ you might have had
profit from self-employment
other income, like interest on savings or pensions
money from state benefits unless they’re ‘tax free’ benefits

Bolded it for you. Quite clearly 'other income' would come into it.

girlsmum

where does the OP state that he is paying her and not the mortgage company? even if he was paying her it is or could be classed as child maintenance, what she does with the money is up to her. Child maintenance is not classed as income.
I think you are totally confusing the OP, Sallybunny please phone HMRC and ask for clarification to what is classed as income.
Also sorry to hear you are going through this, i have been there.

Guest101

girlsmum wrote: »

where does the OP state that he is paying her and not the mortgage company? even if he was paying her it is or could be classed as child maintenance, what she does with the money is up to her. Child maintenance is not classed as income.
I think you are totally confusing the OP, Sallybunny please phone HMRC and ask for clarification to what is classed as income.
Also sorry to hear you are going through this, i have been there.

- he's still paying 1/3 mortgage and 1/3 maintenance until we decide what to do with it. It's rare for the mortgage payment to be made out of two sources, he's also paying 1/3 upkeep on the property. It read as he is paying it to her.


No it's not child maintenance, it's income. It's fraudulent to society and should not be condoned.


On top of which it leaves her open to blackmail from the ex husband should things go wrong and he stitches her up for undeclared income.


I didn't say child maintenance was income.


I'm being perfectly clear with the OP, only you are here confusing the issue. Do you really think that HMRC and DWP wont look at this and go, hmm they've separated, he's paying well over the CMS calculation etc. etc. - but it's ok to defraud the state.

swingaloo

Its ludicrous to suggest she is defrauding the state. This is just a case of an ex continuing to pay towards a mortgage so his children can stay in the family home and that is to be commended.

My sisters husband has been paying ALL the mortgage on the family home since they divorced. It was all agreed and drawn up by the solicitor and there is no way on this earth that it is income for her. It is an investment for him when they sell as he will get back what he has paid whilst at the moment she is not having to pay rent anywhere so can save.

The husband can pay whatever he sees fit to support his children as long as it the minimum the CSA would say. It does not matter in what form he pays as long as they are both in agreement. If he said he was paying no maintenance to the mother but would instead pay for private schooling for the children that would be acceptable as long as both parties agreed to it. Would you say it was additional income for the mother in that scenario?

The op does not need scaremongering at a time like this.