Alway's believe that something wonderful is about to happen!

WannabeFree

I totally agree with you Penny. I don't think it's selfish at all!

x

please-let-me-be-lucky

Not selfish at all pwps. Have you reminded DH of that?

Feel better soon Xx

Sun_Addict

You're not being selfish at all Penny. Why shouldn't you be able to do what you want, it's not fair you don't get a say in things. I totally know where you're coming from, I've also put other people first for far too long and it's time for a change. I would be tempted to say to DH you stop here and look after your parents, I'll go and live in the sun.

Take care Penny xx

AlwaysHappy

I've been following your diary for a while but never posted before. I totally understand your feelings and to be honest.. I wouldn't play ball. Life is short - and you only get one chance to live it. You aren't being selfish - you are living life your way....

chanie

I agree, I dont think you are being selfish, but then, neither is your OH. Maybe you are both over thinking your future plans. Don!!!8217;t get me wrong, it isimportant to have ideas about what you want, but I imagine you have 15+ years left to retirement and lots could change is that time.

I also dont think it has to be one or the other (living in the UK or abroad) as there are lots of in-betweens. A relative and their spouse spend half the year in the UK and half in abroad. They have done it for a few years now, but will be settling in the UK over the next few years. I mention this because retirement can be 20+ years and whatever decision you make can always be changed.

Eager_Elephant

pennywisepoundstupid wrote: »

t Dh has decided he doesn't want to buy somewhere abroad and his parents will need looking after when we get to retirement age, I feel angry about this as when I fell pregnant with DD his mum told me that she would look after her now and then but it wasn't to interfere with hers and fIL life. Yet i'm to give up my life to take care of them in the future, I know that I sound horrible and selfish but how is that fair.

Sorry to read you are feeling low Penny. When you have been ill it does make you reassess life again.

This might be controversial but why would your in laws not have paid carers or go in to a home if they need care?
My MIL went in to a nursing home after she had a stroke, she was only 56 (I think) and many homes would not take her. The social worker at the hospital told my husband that if his mum didn't have boys and had girls they would have expected the family to care for her at home. Very sexist and I'm just glad they didn't suggest I give up my job.
Admittedly MIL didn't have savings and so her care was funded by social services but surely older people have to consider care needs as part of growing old.

My Step-FIL got increasingly more frail with his Parkinsons and we were happy to take him shopping at weekends and take him to medical appointments but he opted in for online grocery shopping and also had a cleaner who helped keep his flat clean. Then later on he had carers in a few times a day and which he had to contribute £50 per week.

I know that some cultures look after their elderly relatives but that doesn't mean everyone should do it, why should your life be put on hold?

I hope you can work things out and do what you want to do.

Interestingly parsnip posted on her diary over the weekend about wants in life and life passing by - I have commented over there so wont repeat myself but suffice to say that I believe everyone should have dreams/goals/aspirations and if our current husband/partner doesn't fit that then that is fine.
You don't want to get years down the line and regret anything.

pennywisepoundstupid

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Not selfish at all pwps. Have you reminded DH of that?

Feel better soon Xx

Sun_Addict wrote: »

You're not being selfish at all Penny. Why shouldn't you be able to do what you want, it's not fair you don't get a say in things. I totally know where you're coming from, I've also put other people first for far too long and it's time for a change. I would be tempted to say to DH you stop here and look after your parents, I'll go and live in the sun.

Take care Penny xx

AlwaysHappy wrote: »

I've been following your diary for a while but never posted before. I totally understand your feelings and to be honest.. I wouldn't play ball. Life is short - and you only get one chance to live it. You aren't being selfish - you are living life your way....

Thankyou all for your kind words xx

pennywisepoundstupid

chanie wrote: »

I agree, I dont think you are being selfish, but then, neither is your OH. Maybe you are both over thinking your future plans. Don!!!8217;t get me wrong, it isimportant to have ideas about what you want, but I imagine you have 15+ years left to retirement and lots could change is that time.

I also dont think it has to be one or the other (living in the UK or abroad) as there are lots of in-betweens. A relative and their spouse spend half the year in the UK and half in abroad. They have done it for a few years now, but will be settling in the UK over the next few years. I mention this because retirement can be 20+ years and whatever decision you make can always be changed.

Thanks Chanie, yes a lot could change but having a home in the sun is something I have always wanted from being young, I struggle so much health wise when the weather is cold and my Dh always says i'm a different person once the weather warms up. I would be quite happy to spend half the year abroad and half here in the uk during the warmer seasons.

pennywisepoundstupid

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

Sorry to read you are feeling low Penny. When you have been ill it does make you reassess life again.

This might be controversial but why would your in laws not have paid carers or go in to a home if they need care?
My MIL went in to a nursing home after she had a stroke, she was only 56 (I think) and many homes would not take her. The social worker at the hospital told my husband that if his mum didn't have boys and had girls they would have expected the family to care for her at home. Very sexist and I'm just glad they didn't suggest I give up my job.
Admittedly MIL didn't have savings and so her care was funded by social services but surely older people have to consider care needs as part of growing old.

My Step-FIL got increasingly more frail with his Parkinsons and we were happy to take him shopping at weekends and take him to medical appointments but he opted in for online grocery shopping and also had a cleaner who helped keep his flat clean. Then later on he had carers in a few times a day and which he had to contribute £50 per week.

I know that some cultures look after their elderly relatives but that doesn't mean everyone should do it, why should your life be put on hold?

I hope you can work things out and do what you want to do.

Interestingly parsnip posted on her diary over the weekend about wants in life and life passing by - I have commented over there so wont repeat myself but suffice to say that I believe everyone should have dreams/goals/aspirations and if our current husband/partner doesn't fit that then that is fine.
You don't want to get years down the line and regret anything.

In laws have frequently stated they are not going into a home, DH mentioned to them about downsizing in the future (they have a big house in the countryside, no public transport for 2 miles and a steep path and steps up to the house) there response was they wouldn't be downsizing ever and would only be leaving in a box:eek:, Dh tried to talk to them about how they would manage living there if they couldn't manage healthwise or something happened or couldn't drive anymore and they just refuse to talk about the fact that one day they will not be able to manage where they live. They are both very stubborn and selfish .DH is an only child and feels responsible for them even though they may have not been the most supportive parents he feels a sense of duty and I can understand that but he also needs to have his own life. Dh father can be quite a sulker, last time we moved house he sulked a didn't talk to DH for a few weeks and we only moved 15 miles away :eek:.

I chatted with DH a bit last night about things, we have chatted about a holiday apartment where we can spend the colder months abroad and maybe rent it out during the summer season and make some money from it, but this is something we need to sit and look into properly, I have made it clear that this is my focus for the future and I will have a holiday home somewhere warm.

pennywisepoundstupid

Feeling a bit brighter today but still very tired, gave myself a small list of jobs to do today which I have managed to complete, work wasn't too manic and I managed a proper lunch break.

Have had a couple of spends today, post office £6.45 had to send some important confidential paperwork special delivery, also a small top up shop spending £5.67. Child benefit paid tomorrow and I will probably need petrol, also need to put some money on DS school lunch account.

I really need to get some items listed on ebay as this has fallen by the wayside so has surveys, really need to get back on track and get myself organised, but struggling to find the energy. I need to be kind to myself and take babysteps, but I also need to get myself back on form. When I think back to how much I was doing 12 months ago to now I have slowed down so much and really feel as though i'm failing at life and juggling the balls, I'm hoping Easter hols will be the perfect time to recharge and get my mojo back.