Hidden debt from husband
in Debt-free wannabe
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BUT if you are unwilling to do that, is there a way you can make up the "missing" £4K over the next few months without telling him? It sounds as though you have a baby so I appreciate that won't be easy, but perhaps you could do some eBaying, mystery shopping, online surveys etc? Treat it as if you were still trying to pay off debt.
Be careful not to slip into old habits. £14k windfalls don't come around very often!
I'd play it like this:
1) Use the 'extra' 4k he doesn't know about to pay off some of the debt.
2) Have a discussion about the other 10k with your bloke and decide between you what you want to do with it. Suggest some high interest savings accounts. He'll probably like this idea and you'll be in his good books.
3) Put some or all of the 10k into a savings account and generate some interest.
4) Meanwhile - pay off the remaining 4k on the sly over the next few months/years. Make sure you are making more than the 'minimum' payments. 4k over a few years should be manageable.
5) Sorted. Go and buy some beer on a job well done.
Progress 08/08/17: Owe £15,685.84
If he responds well - the anonymous bod is trying etc, splendid.
If not, his take on marriage & fatherhood is not quite what we would hope.
If the debt was accumulated before you met - is it such an issue for him to understand?
If you go to him with the problem AND a solution he will see how you're trying to settle things. If you only go to him with the problem (and the fact you've never told him before) he will be more upset and think you are not to be trusted.
Always best to be truthful and honest because if he finds out later that you've hidden such a big thing from him, he will wonder what else your'e hiding!
i worry that i am going to sound like some horrid judgemental finger wagging idiot, But.........
C'mon you know that this isnt right. If you have to lie and decieve to keep a relationship then that relationship is broken and not worth the saving. Tell him and if he starts, tell hin to stop being a pompous !!! and to get off his high horse!!
Due to my past behaviour i lied constantly about finances. It eventually spread to other things and by the end i wasn't really sure when i was even telling the truth anymore! That relationship died. I killed it with my lies. I am now in a place where i no longer lie about anything, ever. This has been tremendous for my self esteem and general outlook. That living with constant lies was one of the worst periods of my life and i'd never go back there.
On a personal level i would never leave somone for getting into/being in debt, but i almost certainly would to someone who lied to me over an extended period of time.
Its a horrid situation but life has taught me that you will rarely regret choosing truth over lies. Good luck.
LBM 28/1/15 total debt - [STRIKE]£23,410[/STRIKE] 24/3/16 total debt - £7,298
Truth is the best. He will love you more for that if you come clean.
Just tell him you're getting this much, but you have some debts to clear and then left with this much.
And when it's cleared off, take him out on a dinner. Enjoy these small happy moments.
- the debt. From when you agreed to marry him and pool your assets and liabilities, you have mislead him as to your financial position.
- repaying the debt. To pay the minimum amount every month must be a few hundred pounds or thereabouts. So where does he think this money has been going? Is he expecting you to be saving this amount of your wage? In which case, it's a double whammy - not only have you hidden the debt, but you don't have the savings either.
- financial situation. To choose to bring a baby into the relationship, presumably you discussed finances with your husband and how this would work with you or him reducing hours, childcare etc. Any decisions made were based on the wrong figures as he did not know you owe £8,000. The same goes for any other decisions you have made as a couple - buying cars, new kitchen, holidays etc..
- redundancy money. You're bringing £14,000 into the relationship but only telling him about £10,000 of it.
- leftover funds after paying off debt. You'll only have £6,000 left if you pay off your debt when he expects you to have £10,000 (plus possibly some savings (see above)).
It seems like one lie after another to cover up the initial lie about the debt. When will it stop? If my husband lied to me once, we could possibly get over it, but to compound the lie and never at any point think he could be honest with me would be another matter. I wish you luck with whatever you decide.
That said, if you are determined to cover it up why did you say you had £10k coming? Why not say 6k and then it would all have been paid of with 6k spare.
If you are adamant that you will not tell him then say you are investing the redundancy in high interest current accounts as I assume you will be a non tax payer it makes more sense to keep in your name only. If you do not have a job and have just had a new baby then I think it will be a while before you need the money anyway as buying a house on one salary is very difficult unless you live in a cheap area of the country. By then hopefully you will have gone back to work and recouped some of it.
Personally though I would go with the first option.
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