Hidden debt from husband

Whitegold12 · 30 December 2015 at 8:53PM

Really in need of some advice. I've hidden from my husband that I'm in debt, it was accumulated before I met him and down to living beyond my means (on credit cards). I've been making the minimum payments each month and got it down to £8,000. Don't know how I thought I would ever repay it when I fell pregnant but my prayers have been answered and I'm getting £14,000 in redundancy money. I know I need to pay off my debts and get rid of this stress I've been living with every day. Now I've created another problem as I will have to explain to DH where the money has gone when we do come to use it (house deposit or something). I've told him I'm getting £10k so will need to find £4k somehow. What can I do? I can't tell him the truth as he will be so disappointed in me and I can't live with that

thanks!

sourcrates · 30 December 2015 at 8:56PM

Hi,

"The truth will be out" as the saying goes, just tell him you've settled some debts, I can't see the problem ?

Your already telling him lies, don't make it any worse, dosent say much for the relationship if this is how you treat each other.

whitewing · 30 December 2015 at 8:59PM

Why don't you sit hubby down and tell him the truth? That seems the most sensible option.

Whitegold12 · 30 December 2015 at 9:20PM

If I tell him I will damage my marriage, he has been very clear about what he thinks of people with debt. Our relationship is also quite strained at the moment with a new baby. I am adamant I want to deal with this myself and not tell him.

LolStevo · 30 December 2015 at 9:27PM

Its a lot of money to try and hide, what if he ever found paperwork which said you got £13k and not the 10, would that not hurt him more! Tell him how you have managed it and why you didn't want to tell him you never know he might help you out. Good luck x

fairandreasonable · 30 December 2015 at 9:28PM

:-)

I've been here too. But you both need to take it head on. It's hard but will be harder otherwise.

Think it through and find the moment to discuss. I've been here too with the wife and could do something for both of us + family as soon as I knew.

I wish you the very best. You'll be ok. :-)

whitewing · 30 December 2015 at 9:29PM

But you are going from 'hiding' things from him to lying outright to him. Surely that is more damaging to your relationship?

elsien · 30 December 2015 at 9:31PM

One point for you to consider, is if you do clear it, will it still come back to haunt you?
You've mentioned a house deposit - have you defaulted/missed payments over the years, and will this show up in future credit checks when you're looking at mortgages, for example?

I appreciate your concerns about telling your husband, but the debt is from before you met. How much worse do you think it would be for him to find out you lied about your redundancy and continued to mislead him?

5erge · 30 December 2015 at 9:35PM

What if your husband finds out you had this debt? Far better to tell him now, seeing as you have a means of paying it off.

My wife knew I had debt but I detailed everything in a spreadsheet, Apr, minimum payments, years left etc... She wasn't angry or anything but was happy I had a grip on the debt. I was very fortunate that I was in a position to pay the remaining 13k off in one hit last May, that was a great feeling.

Now you are in a similar position to me, have everything detailed with your plan to pay off your debt and I'm sure you'll be fine.

Des

heuchera · 30 December 2015 at 9:51PM

Pay it all off and put the remaining £6000 into a high interest account?

bobobski · 31 December 2015 at 12:17AM

If hubby has made it clear he has an issue with people being in debt, presumably he is pleased for those people working to pay it off? You've made great progress and evidently without impacting on your lifestyle too much - if I were hubby I'd be proud, sad that you didn't want to tell me and keen to help pay it off.