Need urgent help please (please read) Thanks (new here)

debt_doctor

Hi LEVJ03 if you could answer those couple of questions I posted earlier we can start to sort things out.

There are lots of great people on here ready to help you

Best wishes x

spud30

She's not been online for over 2 hours - I hope she's OK.

Snaggles

Hiya, please come back and post and let us know you are okay. I really feel for you, I can't imagine how difficult things feel at the moment.

One thing this forum has taught me more than anything is that money and possessions don't mean anything, family and friends do. In the most simplistic terms:

House repossessed - bummer
Children losing their Mum - disaster

I'm not being glib, I really mean it - houses, cars, they're just things - they might be nice, expensive things, and it might be gut-wrenchingly awful to face losing them, but you will always manage to find somewhere to live. Your children can't replace their Mum. They wont care how much money you have, or (barring the odd teenage strop) how many nice things you can afford to buy them. What they will care about, when they look back at their childhood, is that you loved them.

Thinking about you xxx

Dumb_Blonde_3

Hiya Levjo3,

I really 'hear' where you are coming from - feeling depressed and thinking your kids would be better off without you - I've been in a similar situation myself 18 months ago but believe me - you are their mum and if you were living in a tiny one bed flat they would still love you - I really want to get my head together before I type more about your situation - instead I will tell you my story.

Okay here goes:-

Back on Boxing Day 2004 I felll pregnant with my son - I had a great pregnancy - only put on 7 pound (docs said he was a parasite eating everything I ate) I only suffered morning sickness for 3 months and had the most enormous ankles you have ever seen - I could only wear flip flops - yet I worked in an office until I was 8 and a half months pregnant. Well I had a pretty high powered job as a PA/Office Co-ordinator and earned a lot of money so we (husband and I) always said I would return to work and our son would go into a nursery 2 days a week and my mum would look after him the other 2 days (I only worked 4 days a week due to cutbacks). Although I bonded with him in my stomach talking to him and rubbing his back (well where I thought his back was) when he had the hick-ups I have never felt such a rush of love when I first saw him - at 16.04 on the 7th of Septmber 2005 - he was born by c-section so it meant that I had to stay in hospital with him but I was terrified that he would get mixed up with other babies so I didn't want to sleep and there was a nice girl diagonally opposite me and we chatted through the night until about 4am until it started getting light again (it was so hot - I remember pouring cold water onto a flannel and putting it on my face just to try and stay cool) so we both had about 2 hours sleep before it was 'lights on' etc and of course our babies were by our side but out in the corridor there was a queue of babies (we were on the high risk section as most of us were unable to get out of bed) - christ I'm waffling here I need to cut to the chase but its all hidden memories and stuff. Anyway that was September ..... allong came December one of my favourite months - Christmas - we love Christmas but for me I found I was pasting on a fake smile as I was due to return to work on the 3rd of January and there was no way I could ever imagine leaving my son - I didn't trust anyone with him - he was 'mine' well and my husbands .......... so I carried on as expected and went to 'work christmas do' and was told by my work colleagues that they missed me and my boss said he couldn't wait to have me back - again the fake smile was in place. Finally I owned up to husband that I really didn't want to go back and leave son but he was like we don't have much of a choice ..... so carried on (this is where I think my depression started) went to a few parties over christmas was asked 'how do you feel about leaving your son and returning to work?' - Oh I feel splendid - yeah right ......

So January arrives and try on work suits - get son's bag packed etc .... husband and I take son to nursery - he cries and cries and cries - we give details of our routine - they don't match nursery routine - some days when I phoned nursery I would get 'Spencer won't go down for his afternoon nap' so I would fake an appointment and dash off out - only to get to nursery and find my son lying in the cot with lights above him on with a sh!tty nappy - nice you wonder why he didn't go to sleep' - all the time I am thinking there must be a better way than this as I hated myself and cried everytime from the nursery until work and then some - I could barely look myself in the mirrior just for the money ........ he was only just 4 months old when we put him in there in the January and in that time he got so many coughs and colds from the other kids (please note if he was ever ill I would never in my wildest dreams have put him in there but others did) anyway by about mid-march he had battled one too many colds and his body said enough is enough - I can't take anymore and started to shut down ...... I took him to the doctors on the Wednesday - got antibiotics ..... still no better by the Saturday so took him back again ....... different antibiotics - by the Tuesday he just wasn't responding to anything so requested a home visit (extremely rare as had to get past receptionist first) .........doctor got here did a quick check of my little 6 month old and asked my to get a bag together of my things and his things and to phone my husband while he was on the phone to A&E department at hospital ......... my sons heart was racing and he was ILL - very ill - I didn't realise how ill so shoved a lot of stuff into bags and drove to hospital where staff were waiting for my son - again I was in a strange 'bubble' if you like - kinda like its not happening to me - anyway after x-rays and stuff he was whisked off to his own room in isolation ward - he had Phnemonia and his left lung had collasped - if it spread to his right - that could be it - the next few days were vital - friends and family wanted to visit but could as germs etc but somehow he battled round against the odds and pulled through - the doctors then said the best place was home for him away from hospital germs but to NOT let anyone in to see him if they had so much as sneezed in the past 48 hours ...... as i sat there things inside my head began to happen - oh did I blame myself - ofcourse I did (and still do) I should never have left him - what about my mothers instinct etc. I had a talk with husband and said if we have to move house and move to somewhere smaller so I can bring my son up so be it - I can't leave him ever again (and I truely can't) I said whatever it takes - I was signed off work by my doctor so I didn't have to work my notice (thank you doctor) but I was really ill - I thought what about the money - we'll have no money - it was awful but somehow we cut back and it was blue and white stripes all the way for us. My doctor put me on what I like to call 'Happy Pill's' for a while and although I really didn't want to take them I knew that I was in such a bad place that I really should - don't think of pills as 'anti-depressants' - think oh I'm having a happy pill - thats if you do decide to go down that route - they may just help.

Anyway I will sign off now and have a few ZZZzzzzz's but will be back online tomorrow. your kids love you and you love them - ......... I'm sorry that you feel like you are going this alone but believe me you are not - you have found the right site and although I may not be an expert (they will be along later once you have posted your SOA) I and others will give you all the moral support you need. - Feel free to PM me anytime.

Snaggles

Oh dumb blonde, how awful for you, I'm so glad he pulled through. Of course it wasn't your fault, but being a parent is one long guilt trip isn't it.

OP, you seem to think you are failing here, but you are actually doing amazingly, coping with everything that has happened. Keep talking and we will try and help and support you through this.

firesidemaid

hi there

just a couple of thoughts re. your mortgage. could you pop into your local abbey branch and get the staff there to help you, on your behalf.

you could go interest only for a while to save some money.

hope you pop back later so the good folks on here can try and help and support you.

take care for now x

madoldbat

Levvjo3 please listen to the very wise people here.They can help you find a way through.
The most important point at the moment is you feeling of failure and that you children would be better off without you.
No they would not you gave birth to them,nursed them,tought them,guided them,showed them and gave them the best gift in the world -a mothers (ok so dads count too) love.
They love you and as many others here have said will continue to do so regardless of money matters.
You are dealing with a great many difficultys at the moment please ask for help,here, at the doctors at the CAB.You are the rock on which your children depend .Everything else will change as they grow but your love and care will only grow stronger.You are the center of their world not the house.
Please take care and post again soon .

LEVJO3

Hello you nice people. I am here on line now. I had to nip out and sort everything out.

I have no family at all to help me out as my mum does not speak to me since my father has died she has gone very strange and that was over 7 years agao. I am alone in this I am afraid but have a few months agao get a lovely man and a few days ago told him what a mess I am in but he has no money at all so unable to help me at all.

I owe three months mortgage npw and other debts and will do a list like you asked for in the morning.

The mortgage company I am with is the Abbey and the interest rate is fixed for life at 4.99 which I beleive is good but think it has gone up to about 5.25. It stays at .5% above the base rate.

I have enough money coming in each month to cover everything and be left with some but just so unsure where it all goes to be honest.

My daughter has been insulin dependent for 6 years now and only the last 10 mths she has been so so ill. We meet twice a week with diabetes nurses at the hospital and they also do home vistist. We also go to see a psychologist every other week and just last week we have been refered to a mental nurse as the eating disorder is taking over her life. It is awful what I have been through the past few months and only this a little to be honest but I really thought today about ending my life and that is how low I felt.

The letter that I got from the Abbey was from ligitgation team and it says do not ring if cannot afford to pay the full £2900 off as I was going to ring and offer to pay £1000 a month until it was straight as so do not want to loose the house. I have so far sold two beds £600 got my maintenance £330 and my tax credits this week and nest £500. That would be nearly half. I am not sure at all if this would be acceptable as may have goner too far. It says the next step if i do not pay in full is to get a court date and they can ask for the house back or make an agreement to pay and stick to it. I am determind to stick to it.
I know I have been depressed ad coming on here now and reading what lovely messages from you all has cheered me up so much. Thank you so very much I appreciate it.

Again I do have enough money coming in.

taxi73

Glad to see you are back.please don't worry to much..it can be sorted ...further up a rep from one of the debt charities was on to help you..why not pm them?...I'm sure if you ring the company up with the offer of what you've got and a realistic plan..then they may be able to help you..if they are being awkward please don't feel it's the end of the world as the nice debt person further up knows the ins and outs of these things...and your SOA will be very helpful...take care and do not worry too much we'll help you get sorted

taxi73

Debt doctor is the name post 2