KonMari 2016 - The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

GreyQueen

(((((Topher))))) have a big squishy online hug from a friendly stranger, my heart goes out to you.

There's a lot going on here, isn't there, and you have the insight to see that losses are a part of it. I'm about the same vintage as yourself and grew up poor, and have a few 'isshews' about want and lack, too.

You're honest enough to admit that out of sight isn't out of mind and that even tidily stored items not in regular circulation can weigh on the emotions.

Sometimes, living in the past, whether your past or that of another generation, can be a form of wanting to retreat from present complexities to a simpler, slower way of life.

Or to achieve comfort by going back to old haunts, pastimes, toys, apparel, as a way of reconnecting with the younger you. But to do it over and better, from a position of strength. Such as buying the missing doll, which was taken from you, or which you never could have, because a sibling got it, or a friend or it was simply too expensive in the toyshop. Or that no one cared enough to get for you, despite your fervent wishes, and they could have but didn't bother.

As a child, I was deeply smitten by one of those orange space hopper things. Only one girl on our road had one, and she ruled the roost like Queen Bee, rationing the opportunity of the rest of us to bounce on this toy. The power she had over the rest of us, due to our space hopper fever; you can barely imagine it.

This is more than forty years ago, and I can remember wanting that darned space hopper with a mad passion which I have seldom felt for any material object since. I was tormented by the lack of my own space hopper, absolutely tormented. Crazy, isn't it?

Yet, I could go buy a space hopper any time I wanted. But it wouldn't make up for not having had one in 1975 (or whenver the exact year was). I could bounce around on one but I'm a middle-aged woman not a young girl, and the meaning wouldn't be there now.

It sometimes helps to think of your younger selves in the plural, as if you're one of those Russian nesting dolls. Only there's dozens of you, one inside the other, leading back to your babyhood.

You might like to try mentally unstacking your layers and greeting each younger Topher and listening to her anxieties, and her joys, and comforting her for slights both real and imaginary. Then, you can re-stack yourself, knowing each version of you is just a bit bigger and better than the previous version but that all the little Tophers are safe inside the bigger ones - nothing is lost, you are still you, all the way down to the core.

And because you're already there, you are complete unto yourself. You don't need Stuff to validate you now, or to house your memories as some kind of analogue of a hard drive holding data.

Take care, hun. GQ x

MMF007

(Apologies for seperate post, couldn't add to the one I started).

Marie is certainly,on to something with regard to the spark of joy. Interpreting the joy takes a while. If a drawer full of craft materials seems joyful and yet is weighing you down, nagging you and generally being disagreeable, you need to re consider the true test of what is joyous. Get all items of craft together - if that seems like a mammouth task you are already getting the MK message - identify a limited number of crafts that you will, not want to but WILL get joy from DOING (not joy from having stashed unused), put all that stuff to one side. You will have to go though the items later and you will probably be able to release some of that craft category later.

Of the crafts that REALISTICALLY you will not tackle in the foreseeable future, find a local art group, a therapy group, a care home, a school, Brownies or wherever, and give the stuff to people who will get great joy from your generosity and kindness.
As a teacher, could you offer to do some crafts with the recipients using your materials?? I bet folks would jump at the chance to be inspired (I am not creative but I love to try!).

I have found that having reclaimed space and peacefulness in my backbedroom, AKA, craft room, diy store, office, library ..... that is only 6' x 8', I have found great joy THINGS are not annoying me by being in the way, naggingt at not being used, reminding me of aspirations that do not fit the time allowed, etc.

GQ and the late IQueen wrote many wise words and I am sure GQ will provide more here, but do visit last year's thread for lots of great posts.

HTH

M
ETA - Fantastic post GQ, absolutely brilliant, thank you

Topher

Thank you very much for these three replies, I can hear that they are a "listened and understood" response to what I wrote, and I'm grateful for the answers and suggestions. I'm going to spend some time looking through the threads you've recommended, then I'd like to make inroads by following the advice you gave about gathering the things together. I thought the 'different past versions of me/one" like Russian dolls was very insightful. Thank you.

VJsmum

Wow, GQ what a post :T

I never could get on with a space hopper - seemed a lot of effort for not much to me. Same with a hobby horse, just running around with a stick :rotfl:

For me it was a dolls pram. God I wanted one. Since then I have had two real live babies in a real live pram. It wasn't the same

I bought DD a pram - she ignored it.

Be kind to yourself, Topher, Marie also gives you permission to let the feelings go....

GreyQueen

I have now kondo'd three presents out of the house which are now nesting under someone else's tree awaiting the 25th. A smidge more space at the homestead.

camelot1001

Fantastic post GQ. I hope you find your way Topher.
What a lovely thing to do VJsmum, your thoughtful donation must have brought peace to the poor families having to go through something so heartbreaking.

Can't wait to move everything back into the kitchen, nearly there. I have decided to fill 2 boxes with 'stuff' I really don't need when unpacking, DD is coming to help over the weekend, she can be ruthless!

Siebrie

My paper crafting material used to be in 4 boxes, carefully stowed in the attic for when I would have time to do my origami again. Those pieces of paper were expensive! I could not 'waste' them on my dds! So, a few weeks ago I took them down, had a proper look through, made the honest decision that lovely paper is not lovely stuck in a dark attic, that I would not in the next 5 years actually do origami. I combined the boxes into 2 large lidded plastic containers and added all the other craft material (ribbons, stickers, etc.) and put them in dds play area. (I had to throw away quite a few sheets of stickers, because, did you know, the glue had dried out and they fell off the page.)

I now get surprised by their artwork at least once a week, and am NOT sorry to see it 'wasted' on simple crafts, that will only be out for a day (I recycle very quickly), and where paper is cut into unusable pieces in mere seconds. There is a niggle of regret, because it really was expensive paper, but the joy it brings dds is worth it. It's good for their motor skills, sense of proportion, sense of time, awareness of the power of creation, enjoyment of life

mavvymoo

Morning all

VJsmum :T Well done.

GQ What a great post .The late great iQueen would be so pleased to see those wise words:)

Topher
I feel for you and do know where you are coming from and also how hard it is to overcome.

MMF007 Is right with the first step is to stop buying. The first time you can see something you really want to buy from a charity shop and talk yourself into leaving it behind as you dont really need it even if you love it. Will be a major breakthough for you.

That feeling of having the willpower and control to just be able to walk out and leave it behind will feel so much better than stacking it neatly in your over stocked cupboard where it will never see the light of day again. and feeling that extra item weighing you down even more.

So Topher its time for you to think about getting on that train you can hang about on the station for as long as you like. But as soon as you can leave those items in the shop you will find yourself boarding the train and start the long hard bumpy journey all of us on this thread have had to take.

You will get off many times at random stations along the way and stop just to catch your breath

But please understand we are all on that train with you and will all be getting off and on that train many times.

So see you on board at some point


Mav x

mavvymoo

Also GQ I was one of the lucky ones and had an Orange space hopper :rotfl:You will be pleased to know it never changed my life and it didnt cope with thorns very well

I also had a dolls pram which Mum and Dad saved up for one Christmas thinking I would love it. But I wasnt a girly girl in those times.

So Mavvymoo wheeled it into the garden on Christmas Day Mum and Dad thinking oh look how cute she loves it
But Mavvymoo had other ideas and chucked the tiny tears out and filled it up with earth :eek:
What I had really wanted was a wheelbarrow so it was the next best thing

Mav x

maddiemay

Some very wise words ladies. Topher I hope that you can draw comfort and strength from them.

My MK journey happens in fits and starts (illness and low energy levels) but that is fine, it took years to accumulate "things", it is OK for it to take a while to be sorted out (I hope:eek:) I am very particular about what comes into my home now, I can see an item and absolutely love it, but that does not mean that I now have to own it:D:D

Toiletries are still my downfall, as I have become less mobile and spend more time at home, I spend more time looking after my appearance, it sort of feels that is all that is left of me and it gives me pleasure to know that even though I am an old person, my skin looks good and my make up and clothes suit me and I am OK to look at :rotfl:

Kondoing this week has been re-visiting my clothes, I had a mammoth trying on session, lots of parading in front of OH (bless him) and 1 bag of rather lovely winter clothes has gone to CS with another to follow today and probably more after weekend (cannot carry too much and parking near CS is a pita! My excesses have been caused by a change of lifestyle (retirement) and a large, but unwanted weight loss:(. I have sort of done my grieving for the changes in my life and it feels great to let things go now.

Yarn stash and the paperwork is another matter completely, I have regular forays into paperwork, but have not got to the bottom of it, and the yarn sits in boxes in the loft, it does bring me joy, storage is not an issue (it should not die in storage:eek:) so as my joints are much less painful I am hopeful that I will be able now to rid myself of the "voice" that tells me I cannot do it properly and use some of it up.