CSA vs Not - What can I legally request?!

Lynxe

Hi all - Not sure I have the right place but not sure where else to ask!

History - My OH split from partner in February. Initially custody was arranged on a 50/50 split and Ex agreed a child support payment of £60 pm based on "his" calculations. OH used to regularly see his bank account (she held the books for the house, so to speak) and felt he had "undersold" his income on the CSA calculator. There was lots of nastiness around this split and at the time we were grateful to get anything willingly, so we accepted it.

Fast forward. Two (TWO!!!!!) serious child protection issues in his care result in an out-of-court agreement between him and my OH that we have full custody as of the middle(ish) of December. He has her for 2 nights every fortnight (Fri-Sun) and sees her for three hours once a week on a weeknight. This clearly has implications for the child support payments. When he first started paying, he made it clear he only intended to pay until OH had a job (which she now does) but clearly the law is on our side with this.

My real question here - In light of the feeling my OH has that he is lying on the CSA calculator, would you ask him to see a pay slip so we can calculate it ourselves and reach an agreement? Basically, what we want to say to him is that we would like a photo of his most recent payslip so that we can calculate what we feel we are owed and he can check this calculation accordingly. If he doesn't provide (and we will tell him this), we will opt to go through CSA. Do you feel I'm being harsh?! Can I rightfully ask for that?!

(I'm so tired of fighting over this poor little girl.... )

DUTR

If my ex asked for a proof of payslip I'd tell her to do one!
Open a case if she feels it necessary.
Looking at your other posts, there is a lot of drama in your life.
You maybe a hero at present but you will become the enemy.

Lynxe

DUTR wrote: »

If my ex asked for a proof of payslip I'd tell her to do one!
Open a case if she feels it necessary.
Looking at your other posts, there is a lot of drama in your life.
You maybe a hero at present but you will become the enemy.

Thank you for this - We are expecting that reaction but we have that reaction to everything we suggest anyway.

Our problem with opening a case straight away is that he is known to be a "not very nice" man, persay and his standard stance to anything formal is to become aggressive (which is one of the reasons my OH has very little communication with him and I handle most of it - I haven't had 6 years of being torn apart by him!). I want to try and avoid this by making him see that it doesn't need to happen formally - we are happy to accept away from any "formality" but I'm not being manipulated into accepting what he feels is right - I want what is legally right.

The general feeling is that we will end up through CSA anyway. Maybe we just go straight there anyway. Sigh.

DUTR

Lynxe wrote: »

Thank you for this - We are expecting that reaction but we have that reaction to everything we suggest anyway.

Our problem with opening a case straight away is that he is known to be a "not very nice" man, persay and his standard stance to anything formal is to become aggressive (which is one of the reasons my OH has very little communication with him and I handle most of it - I haven't had 6 years of being torn apart by him!). I want to try and avoid this by making him see that it doesn't need to happen formally - we are happy to accept away from any "formality" but I'm not being manipulated into accepting what he feels is right - I want what is legally right.

The general feeling is that we will end up through CSA anyway. Maybe we just go straight there anyway. Sigh.

I don't see what that has to do with it, either she wants to open a case or not.
He is protected himself if the deal is done formally, now way would I do it any other way.
CSA/CMS is not a punishment to the NRP.
It's the CMS now not CSA and there is a £20 set up fee.

Lynxe

DUTR wrote: »

I don't see what that has to do with it, either she wants to open a case or not.
He is protected himself if the deal is done formally, now way would I do it any other way.
CSA/CMS is not a punishment to the NRP.
It's the CMS now not CSA and there is a £20 set up fee.

He doesn't see it that way. We had to ring the police when he turned up at the house screaming and banging on the door, accusing us of ringing social services when the last CP issue happened (We didn't, the hospital did!) and "meddling in his life with his daughter". He considers any input from any outside agency to be unnecessary meddling and is constantly aggressive towards it. He still maintains (or did in November when we last spoke about it) that he only needs to pay support until OH has a job anyway - so who knows if he will even pay the agreed £60 this month! Anything we do "formally" he holds against us, including vocally to his 6 year old daughter and that's not fair on her - Hence trying to do it as peacefully as possible!

DUTR

Lynxe wrote: »

He doesn't see it that way. We had to ring the police when he turned up at the house screaming and banging on the door, accusing us of ringing social services when the last CP issue happened (We didn't, the hospital did!) and "meddling in his life with his daughter". He considers any input from any outside agency to be unnecessary meddling and is constantly aggressive towards it. He still maintains (or did in November when we last spoke about it) that he only needs to pay support until OH has a job anyway - so who knows if he will even pay the agreed £60 this month! Anything we do "formally" he holds against us, including vocally to his 6 year old daughter and that's not fair on her - Hence trying to do it as peacefully as possible!

As said, you already have lots of drama, so a little more is no sweat.
No point doing the thinking for other people, God gave us all a brain.
Trouble with doing it informally, is often the PWC still complains that they are not recieiving enough.
And whilst they are not working FT, then supporting a lifestyle is not going to be recieved well.

Lynxe

DUTR wrote: »

As said, you already have lots of drama, so a little more is no sweat.
No point doing the thinking for other people, God gave us all a brain.
Trouble with doing it informally, is often the PWC still complains that they are not recieiving enough.
And whilst they are not working FT, then supporting a lifestyle is not going to be recieved well.

Thanks for your advice. I think God missed him... Haha

I think we will just go straight for CSA. Thanks for being my sounding board.

DUTR

Lynxe wrote: »

Thanks for your advice. I think God missed him... Haha

I think we will just go straight for CSA. Thanks for being my sounding board.

That can be looked at two ways
(was he the best she could mate with at the time?)

The CSA is not available for new cases just the CMS now.

Lynxe

DUTR wrote: »

That can be looked at two ways
(was he the best she could mate with at the time?)

The CSA is not available for new cases just the CMS now.

That's what I meant...

She fell pregnant in the first two weeks of the relationship, then became trapped. Ah well!

DUTR

Lynxe wrote: »

That's what I meant...

She fell pregnant in the first two weeks of the relationship, then became trapped. Ah well!

In another thread , the poster had mentioned 'idiot' and other derogatory terms.
Trapped? Either party can feel trapped somehow tied to someone they have little feelings for.

kingfisherblue

Lynxe wrote: »

Hi all - Not sure I have the right place but not sure where else to ask!

History - My OH split from partner in February. Initially custody was arranged on a 50/50 split and Ex agreed a child support payment of £60 pm based on "his" calculations. OH used to regularly see his bank account (she held the books for the house, so to speak) and felt he had "undersold" his income on the CSA calculator. There was lots of nastiness around this split and at the time we were grateful to get anything willingly, so we accepted it.

Fast forward. Two (TWO!!!!!) serious child protection issues in his care result in an out-of-court agreement between him and my OH that we have full custody as of the middle(ish) of December. He has her for 2 nights every fortnight (Fri-Sun) and sees her for three hours once a week on a weeknight. This clearly has implications for the child support payments. When he first started paying, he made it clear he only intended to pay until OH had a job (which she now does) but clearly the law is on our side with this.

My real question here - In light of the feeling my OH has that he is lying on the CSA calculator, would you ask him to see a pay slip so we can calculate it ourselves and reach an agreement? Basically, what we want to say to him is that we would like a photo of his most recent payslip so that we can calculate what we feel we are owed and he can check this calculation accordingly. If he doesn't provide (and we will tell him this), we will opt to go through CSA. Do you feel I'm being harsh?! Can I rightfully ask for that?!

(I'm so tired of fighting over this poor little girl.... )

Two serious child protection issues, the hospital raising one of them - and he still has the little girl two nights a fortnight? That would be more of a worry to me than payment of child maintenance - and I speak as someone who has had to fight for the barest minimum allowed, including the CSA taking my ex to court and having a deduction of earnings order to make him pay up for our kids.