Feeling down about inability to afford what children want/need...

happilymarried2013

Hi again,
I work with a lot of children and I know that the most valuable thing you can give them is fun. Do something for free with them. Let them loose with fabric pens and a plain tshirt and make their own party outfit.

Don't feel embarrassed about approaching the school - you're leading an example for your children by not getting into debt just to get them stuff. Like you said, you've got food and a warm house - children don't need anything other than heaps of love and that's free!

Good luck to you OP, have a very merry Christmas with your little family xx

Baby_Angel

I can really feel for you. I have a 9 year old who is not really confident in herself. Fortunately she is our only child and I can afford to get her these things. I have to constantly remind her that we shouldn't be competing with others on material things.
Now that you mentioned, I feel the school has been OTT this year. She had Christmas fair last week and we had to fork out for jolly jars and cakes for sale. Now she has a Christmas party this week, she needs an outfit and something to take to the party (food, drink etc). Then there is a new Christmas "jumper" day this week. I now feel for the parents who may not be able to afford them and feel they cannot speak out as well.

Hope you find some solution for the sake of the children. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Katiehound

happilymarried2013 wrote: »

Don't feel embarrassed about approaching the school - you're leading an example for your children by not getting into debt just to get them stuff. Like you said, you've got food and a warm house - children don't need anything other than heaps of love and that's free!
xx

Totally agree.
If the school has some finance to help you please use it: that's what it is there for.

There's free fun out there, ask around, make your own.

Have a lovely Christmas with your family- it will be what you make it- bet you'll have great time. Money helps oil the wheels but it isn't everything. Sadly our society has become very materialistic and the season is all all all commercialisation.
Take care

Towser

in the short term I would blitz Primark for what you need.

In the longterm I would save up for Xmas next year as it sounds like all the schools are doing the same things to raise money for their budget. Things will only get worse as they need more money. Our Christmas Fayre at school is the school's biggest moneyspinner.

I would also buy in advance (the next size up) on the sales. Whenever I see something really cheap I buy it in one or two sizes up because one thing is guaranteed is that they will grow. My kids have everything only because I have been clever planning ahead with ebay, charity shops, sales, carboots and Primark. If you mix secondhand with new who will tell? Buying and selling being really savvy knowing when you have a bargain and how much to sell for. Everything gets put by for when it is needed.

You just have to find out how to do it by coming MSE and knowing how everyone gets through it. That is why I am here I love threads like this. Always learning how to be a MSE.

Skintandscared

Thank you guys, I appreciate the advice.

Well, the School is having a onesie day instead on one day now, so that's problem solved really. I am going to mix and match their clothes for the other two days.

I completely agree that I am going to save up properly for next year, and start putting money aside, as I feel the same every year! I overspend and it makes me feel stressed. But this year, our drop in income has really hit us.

I am also becoming a dedicated MSE, as I feel so much calmer when I am saving money! :money:

I completely agree that the School's are trying to make money to cover budget shortfall's, but they are putting unneccesary pressure on the parents. I am thinking about speaking to the head teacher in January regarding next Xmas, as it has gone OTT.

7roland8

definitely I think all parents ought to get in touch with the schools and start a campaign - maybe started by those parents who CAN afford it - you are insecure enough as a child without the worry that your parents cannot afford this or that which is extra to school work. The schools may be short of money but foisting that onto hard up parents is not on.


A onesie day - as an example - what about those who don't have one?

kerri_gt

I'm glad you're feeling a bit calmer now - I wonder if the onesie day was at the suggestion of other parents saying how much all these outfits / parties etc were costing. I'm not sure how old your children are but a school party to us was a non-uniform day where we could just wear our normal clothes.

As a thought, you could suggest a 'pre-christmas schwop shop' at school next year - possibly in Nov (maybe tied in with guy fawkes night if the school do anything for that?) where parents / children can bring party (or other) clothes that no longer fit them and schwop them for new ones - if they don't have an item to schwop, they could buy an item for a nominal donation. If incorporated with another event it won't cost the school anything additional to put it on. It could be themed like a real shop perhaps?

Murphybear

Skintandscared wrote: »

Thank you all for the helpful suggestions -

Well, my youngest has solved one of those problems for me by being at home with the sickness bug today and tomorrow bless her.

I was thinking along the lines of 'updating outfits', and will try doing a variation on one outfit, with maybe a plain t-shirt and sewing some sequins on...or summat like that!

The School has been a bit OTT this year, and I get slightly worried that my children will be teased if they don't take part in certain things. We've dealt with bullying of my youngest, so I'm really conscious not to make her stand out as different as she's really lacking confidence as it is. (Kids can be lovely can't they!!)

I don't really want to approach the school for the hardship fund, as I feel really embarrassed. Stupid I know.

I've exhausted what little money we could afford on Xmas/Birthday's, and obviously bills/food for December. A positive note is that at least we have a home/food/warmth, and are blessed in that way.

I'm sorry I can't help much with the practical suggestions but would like to say you come across as a kind and caring parent. Sorry to hear about your youngest, hope she gets better soon and you all have a great Christmas;)

GwylimT

None of ours had party outfits, they just used to wear their favourite clothes and we temporarily sew things to them, like sparkly stars, you can cover a head band in tinsel for a girl as well.

Schools are not trying to make up their budgets this way, it is fraudalent to do this, schools are only allowed to cover costs eg cost of a DJ or food, any excess can either be donated to charity or placed in the hardship fund for vulnerable children although this has to be approved by the governing body and countyhall. A school I taught at had a full investigation as £10 from a trip wasn't properly accounted for. The use of money from parents is very strictly regulated.

GwylimT

ahw23 wrote: »

Had a couple of thoughts- long shots I'm afraid, but...
Do they actually need a whole new outfit? Could one detail update an old one? The details are what I remember about my childhood party clothes- beads round a neckline, pretty flowers on the shoes or whatever. H&M online are quite good for such things at decent prices, or a bit of customisation if you feel up to it. I think you mentioned that they had grown- any chance of letting down a hem from last year's, to give it a bit longer? And/or any chance of finding something suitable that you can pay for with loyalty points or cashback? Sorry if you have considered all of those.
Re. schools, from memory (as someone who has worked in them) I think it's supposed to be banned to have compulsory charges for such "extras" in the state system. It is, however, on the rise because of a bad combination of budget cuts and pressure on heads to keep up with schools that have more resources than them. I really would recommend you speak to someone, as this will continue so long as nobody raises it.

Compulsory charges are only restricted for items/trips that are a necessary part of the national curriculum. So a charge for a disco etc can be compulsory, a charge for a Geograph field trip to complete coursework cannot have a compulsory charge, however the school are only obliged to cover the cost of certain children such as PP, FSM and LAC, however the school can choose to pay for these children to attend non-educational activities using the childs personal budget. Schools also also have to subsidise educational trips, they don't have to subsidise non-educational trips.