Feeling down about inability to afford what children want/need...

Skintandscared

As the thread title suggests, I am feeling like a !!!! parent over the fact that my children need clothes, yet I cannot afford to buy any.
The School has been utterly ridiculous and it's been money, money, money every single week for the last few weeks, and now both my children have three parties in school this week, plus Xmas crafts they've made (that we've got to buy!).
At the minute they don't have three bloody party outfits, and are pretty in need of clothes as they've outgrown a lot, but being as it's their birthday's in the next three weeks I was hoping family would buy them clothes.

I have had a gutsfull of the fact that at this time of year the School has no idea that parents struggle. Anybody else in this position?? I am so sick of it all at the minute

happilymarried2013

Please dont let this make you feel like a !!!! parent. The fact that you're on here worrying suggests that you are anything but.

Is there any way that you could do a clothes swap with your friends who have older/younger kids? What about children's clothing bundles on ebay or cbs when the season restarts.

Schools should have a fund for people who can't afford things to cover the child's cost, or air your concerns to your PTA or governers. Its a bit late for this year now but you could help change things for next years for the parents that struggle in silence.

HTH xx

kathrynha

Definitely speak to school about money requests.
I did the other year after the requests for the Christmas fair were that we had to send in bottles and chocolate and raffle prizes and cakes. Then we had to buy £10 of raffle tickets sent home.
Could of easily spent £20 before even attending the event.
They have improved it so now you only have to send one of the items and they only send home £5 of raffle tickets, which include instructions to send back unsold ones..

Also check out facebook selling groups and freecycling groups for kids clothes. The cheapest to buy are the bundles. You can often get a bag full for a couple of quid.

Skintandscared

happilymarried2013 wrote: »

Please dont let this make you feel like a !!!! parent. The fact that you're on here worrying suggests that you are anything but.

Is there any way that you could do a clothes swap with your friends who have older/younger kids? What about children's clothing bundles on ebay or cbs when the season restarts.

Schools should have a fund for people who can't afford things to cover the child's cost, or air your concerns to your PTA or governers. Its a bit late for this year now but you could help change things for next years for the parents that struggle in silence.

HTH xx

I wish I had a group of friends to do this - but the parents in the school don't It will have to wait until the new year, but just really don't want them to feel out of place.

Topcat1982

Three parties?! Can they not wear the same thing?

My friend made a complaint in writing to school about things she had to buy total £100 for 2 children. One of the things was a drawing, they can draw at home and keep them for free

Katiehound

Have you had a trawl through the charity shops? Generally there is a load of stuff in excellent condition at a fraction of the price- or Primark.

I would be contacting the school and explaining that you just don't have the finances to keep shelling out. Long ago when I worked in a school there used to be some kind of hardship fund that the head could access for parents on very low wages. It's worth asking at least.

You don't say how old your children are but I think (if you haven't already done so) that you explain the situation to them. Children are fairly resilient especially when they are included in the equation. I would suggest that lots of children will feel out of place if they don't have the latest must have thing- it was ever so! Buck the trend!-do the best you can and have lots of home made cheap fun.

ahw23

Had a couple of thoughts- long shots I'm afraid, but...
Do they actually need a whole new outfit? Could one detail update an old one? The details are what I remember about my childhood party clothes- beads round a neckline, pretty flowers on the shoes or whatever. H&M online are quite good for such things at decent prices, or a bit of customisation if you feel up to it. I think you mentioned that they had grown- any chance of letting down a hem from last year's, to give it a bit longer? And/or any chance of finding something suitable that you can pay for with loyalty points or cashback? Sorry if you have considered all of those.
Re. schools, from memory (as someone who has worked in them) I think it's supposed to be banned to have compulsory charges for such "extras" in the state system. It is, however, on the rise because of a bad combination of budget cuts and pressure on heads to keep up with schools that have more resources than them. I really would recommend you speak to someone, as this will continue so long as nobody raises it.

7roland8

Yes definitely complain to the school, it's unfair for you and other parents, also get the PTA involved. From what I recall they can't make you pay for anything or exclude your child from an activity if you can't or won't pay.

ahw23

Another thought- although your relatives would have to be organised and cooperative for this one- "Here's your birthday present from x, but you're allowed to open it early because you might like it before the party." I have a December birthday too, and can definitely remember this happening at least once, and loving it.

Skintandscared

Thank you all for the helpful suggestions -

Well, my youngest has solved one of those problems for me by being at home with the sickness bug today and tomorrow bless her.

I was thinking along the lines of 'updating outfits', and will try doing a variation on one outfit, with maybe a plain t-shirt and sewing some sequins on...or summat like that!

The School has been a bit OTT this year, and I get slightly worried that my children will be teased if they don't take part in certain things. We've dealt with bullying of my youngest, so I'm really conscious not to make her stand out as different as she's really lacking confidence as it is. (Kids can be lovely can't they!!)

I don't really want to approach the school for the hardship fund, as I feel really embarrassed. Stupid I know.

I've exhausted what little money we could afford on Xmas/Birthday's, and obviously bills/food for December. A positive note is that at least we have a home/food/warmth, and are blessed in that way.

7roland8

Yes even if you don't ask the school for money yourself they really ought to be told in a general way how inconsiderate their requests are. I am sure you are not the only one suffering in silence, with others feeling ashamed to mention it too. It's expensive enough with Xmas and birthdays, good luck to you.