Flo's Debt Free Diary

Bobarella

Florence
So sorry to hear of your troubles. May I ask if you have had any support through any of this? Talking about it wont change the facts of whats happened but it may help you reframe the situation and feel able to let it go at long last. Huge sympathies I can totally see why anyone would struggle.

Bob

Florence_J

Hi Bob,

I haven't really had the chance to talk about what happened which is why it still hurts after all these years (the events took place in 2013)

If i can gain a job closer to home I can look into getting counselling, and this would be something that will be looked into.

Bobarella

I really hope you can get some closure soon Florence. None of us deserve to go through life feeling weighed down by past hurts.

Florence_J

I woke up a couple of hours ago (5.45 ish) then had a little kip on the sofa but am now awake.

I have a 10k coming up. I'm not sure what to expect from it. I don't think I have done enough training so if I can finish it in less than 90 minutes I'd be happy, but part of me feels even that is unrealistic.

Just as long as I'm not the last person over the line I'll be happy.

I am up to 6 NSDs. But I have set a target of 16 this month. It is certainly possible to achieve this but it will take some doing.

I am stressed by the food budget. I know I may go over this month, but it's the fact that I can't seem to keep it in check. It's hard because I feel like i'm always compromising or denying myself things. I know that's what happens when you're in debt, or unemployed, but for some reason it is getting to me this month.

reality_check

Who cares if you're the last person crossing the line Flo, it's an achievement! And I am pretty certain you won't be last anyway

I can't seem to get the food budget right either. Join this Facebook called 'Feeding yourself for £1 a day" - over 50,000 members and you will be surprised at how well these people eat on a serious budget! xxx

Bobarella

Good luck today, hope its gone brilliantly.

Dont worry if you have failed on the budget. You are trying and thats the main thing..

Florence_J

I can safely say I wasn't last across the line. I finished in 86 minutes and feel pumped up! I'm eager to do more.

Florence_J

I achieved another NSD, so I think I am up to 7 now. Just 9 more to reach my target for the month.

I had such a runners high after the 10k yesterday that I went to my very first session at a local running club. I was going to wait until they started a new beginners session which they do every 8 weeks or so on Sundays, but after talking to them they were like 'if you've just done a 10k you shouldn't be in that group, you should be in our Monday group' so I decided to go along today.

And it was great. It was boiling hot, got so sweaty, was the last person to complete the 1k run at the end (and even then I had to walk some of it) but really, really enjoyed it. It challenged me and I really felt inspired and powerful. I'm dragging OH along next week, he's got a half marathon to do this October.

Created 2 epic spreadsheets today, one for my job applications and one for the food plan for next months grocery budget. I have designed all the meals to take place between the 27th of July and the 26th of August (that's when our food budget runs from) and I also calculated how much the meals cost per person. Macaroni cheese and Lasagne are by far the cheapest at 88p a portion, whereas our home made Indian with all the trimmings is the most expensive at 3.50 per person, but imagine what we would have to pay for a take away with two mains, pilau rice, 4 poppadoms, 2 naan bread and mango chutney. 3.50 is cheap compared to that.

I have told my boyfriend that I want complete control of the food budget for the next month-meaning I will pay for everything. It is my chance to get it under control once and for all.

I have been a bit silly the last few months, I think I got a bit obsessed with Shopitize and started buying things I would never normally buy just because they were on offer. Well no more.

I would say to everyone that setting yourself a NSD target for each month is a really great way to think about what you spend your money on. Setting myself the target of 16 days has really revolutionised my spending habits. For instance, now that I want to rock up a NSD target I am really conscious of how i used to spend money. So often I would just go out to a coffee shop, because for some reason I couldn't read in an empty house. I do have to fight that urge, but it's great, because how often does one person need to go to a coffee shop on their own? When they have pretty good coffee at home.

Also it's the little things, like not buying myself a bottle of water because I'm thirsty, even though home is nearby. Analysing every little purchase.

It has really helped me control my spending.

Next month i'm going for 20 days.

Florence_J

So what's now just happened is I had hung out some washing on the line, feeling really proud and happy that the weather was good enough and we had enough pegs to do so.

My OH came home from lunch, and just before he left to go back to work he wanted to lift the clothes higher so they were less in the shade. So what happened? That's right the line came off the wall and the clothes fell on the ground. At which point my boyfriend said he had to go to work, leaving me to wash a load I had just washed, that was doing fine before he felt the need to fix things that weren't broken.

I know in the grand scheme of things this won't be important and I will have forgotten all about it by tomorrow but right now I am very angry and feel gutted that I have more work to do. My OH expects me to keep the house tidy, which is fair enough as I am between jobs at the moment, and have more time, but even if i am out all day and he makes a mess, or produces washing up, he rarely ever completes a washing up turn. He will start one and then expect or ask me to finish it.

But I have to apply for jobs, and yet I spend most of my days keeping the house tidy and doing the food shopping. If I go away for a week or so my OH will just get takeaways, and not put on a single wash load. He gets really stressed that he doesn't have enough time to pursue his goals, but he does pretty much no housework compared to me.

The thing is I owe my boyfriend a lot of money from when he helped support me in the past as I have a checkered work history. And in return I did all the housework.

Now, I do all the housework, and my boyfriend expects me to do the housework as I am not working, which is fair, but If i have to do the housework in exchange for borrowing money, then my housework duties have a monetary value, and this is why I am in a pickle. Is the work I'm doing in the house in return for borrowing money? Or is it something I do because I have more free time?

If it's because I have more free time, that's fair, I agree with that. But that means I should also get time off, and my boyfriend should help more at the weekend, which he doesn't.

There was a time when I came back from visiting my family, and my OH had done little to no housework all week, and his parents were coming to visit at the weekend.

So i did all the tidying up on the day before his parents visited, and I said in return I wanted Saturday off. He agreed.

What happened? Washing up and chores needed to be done on saturday, and my OH didn't do a single thing. The washing up was done on Sunday-By me.

I feel really frustrated because I feel I can't complain or go on strike or raise my concerns as he will just throw it in my face that I owe him a lot of money, that I'm unemployed, that I have more free time. I don't know where I stand. I don't know what's fair. I don't know how to talk about this without him becoming really defensive and us arguing.

Sometimes living with my OH is like having a child in that he places so many demands on my time. I can barely sit down and read or chill before he is calling me to help him with something. I get about 30 seconds to myself before I have to do something for him.

I am fiercely independent. This can be both a good thing and a fault I know. The bad thing is I will rarely ask for help, and only really do so after things have gotten much worse then they needed to be if I had asked for help earlier.

But it can be a good thing In that if i want or need to do something I just get up and do it. I don't need help, I don't ask for help, I don't demand help I just plow on and do things. I don't make a fuss, I just get to work.

Whereas my boyfriend will never really do anything for himself that doesn't need me to help him and If i don't, say I don't go to the shops with him, then he really strops.

I feel a proper conversation is needed about all this. But I don't know how to even begin.

We once played a game called 'Chore Wars' which is where every chore in the house had points assigned to it, and we had to reach a certain, equal, target by the end of the week.

Yes I pioneered the game, which may explain why I took it a bit more seriously, but my boyfriend would do nothing all week, then decide that cleaning the bathroom was actually worth something ridiculous like 10 billion points rather than the previously agreed total.

Yes I have more time, yes I should do more work, but I do deserve to have my OH do some of the work. Even when I worked 12 hour days full time I still did more housework.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

lcc86

Your bf sounds a bit like mine, sure they aren't the same person?!?! Lol