Buying for OH's Niece's and Nephew's we no longer see????

Skintandscared

Bit of advice needed - Basically my OH fell out with his family and hasn't spoken to his some of his sibling's for about three or four years, despite repeated attempts from our end.
We always bought/sent birthday/xmas presents for them all, even though their parents blanked our children and never sent them anything for bday/xmas (don't give to receive right?). So last year we decided the older niece's (age 16+) were old enough now that they didn't really need the tenner in a card (plus we were skint).
However, my OH has a nephew aged around 10, who has a very small family (doesn't see Dad's side), and even though his Mother (my OH's Sister) has been unspeakably vile, we've always made a big effort, and gone OTT for him, spending three times the budget on his presents as we feel sad for him.
But this year we are unbelievably skint, and have taken a massive income drop, and are really struggling to afford anything for our children, let alone our extended family. My side of the family will be "doing xmas" in March, due to personal circumstances, so we've agreed to buy for my nieces and nephews in February.

So my question is, would you scrimp and get the child mentioned something? Or should we cut our losses, and just not get him anything anymore??? We never see him, and don't even get so much as a thank you......:(

Mojisola

Skintandscared wrote: »

However, my OH has a nephew aged around 10, who has a very small family (doesn't see Dad's side), and even though his Mother (my OH's Sister) has been unspeakably vile, we've always made a big effort, and gone OTT for him, spending three times the budget on his presents as we feel sad for him.

But this year we are unbelievably skint, and have taken a massive income drop, and are really struggling to afford anything for our children, let alone our extended family.

So my question is, would you scrimp and get the child mentioned something? Or should we cut our losses, and just not get him anything anymore??? We never see him, and don't even get so much as a thank you......:(

I would look after your own children and let his mother look after her son.

Skintandscared

Thanks for your reply Mojisola -
We're getting to the point where that's what's going to happen I think....I'm just really wary of it being seen as something nasty/horrid......Christmas is stressful when it comes to family drama! :eek:

Pollycat

I can't disagree with anything that Mojisola has said.

cazpumpkin

I was in exactly the same situation as you and one year took a load of presents round to my nephew only for his dad to make a caustic comment that he felt like i was Bob Geldolf dishing out Aid/Famine relief.

Not my nephew's fault his dad is/was a jerk but after that I stopped.

He moved up north years ago and ive seen neither of them/heard nothing since the day I stopped spending money on them

suejb2

In this situation you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. My choice would be to get a gift and donate it to a Christmas appeal, that way someone's niece or nephew who is more appreciative will benefit.

jackomdj

suejb2 wrote: »

In this situation you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. My choice would be to get a gift and donate it to a Christmas appeal, that way someone's niece or nephew who is more appreciative will benefit.

But OP is struggling to afford the things for their family.

OP if it was me I would buy something small, selection box possibly. It tells the family you are thinking of them and trying to build bridges without spending lots.

mandco

If you can afford it I would get him a token gift £5 max as the family issues are not his fault

mum2one

i would say go with a token gift voucher £5 / selection box,

It seems which ever way you go its wrong both ways, xx

TasmanianMinimalist

I may be speaking out of turn, but I truly hope not. I would cut your losses and focus on your own immediate family. I am quite sure the young fella will get enough from his own Immediate family. Very few seem to go without.
TM

Skintandscared

Hi guys, thank you all for your input.

I agree with you all, as I do feel that it would be "punishing" him if we didn't get him presents, but then I feel that being as we don't see him, would it bother him? Ach, it's such a horrible thing to have to think about.
Another side to this situation is the fact that we are on good terms with OH's one sibling, so we buy for their children. But as they will have their pressies in their own home, it's not like it'd be shoved in the face of the other child.

Tbh with the financial situation, I think I will be getting a £1 selection box for them all this year.