Long Distance Relationship After A Few Dates

SLW2288

I met a guy on a dating site two weeks ago. After just a few hours after texting back and fourth, I already had the feeling that somehow, we were supposed to cross paths. Since then, we've been on three dates, and have another one planned in a couple of days. There is no denying that we have an amazing connection already, I really like him. And I think he feels the same way too.

He's told me that he is moving 150 miles away for work, and he leaves right after our fourth date. The moment he said it, my heart sank. I thought, "here we go again, another guy to add to my list of failed dates"! Of course I'm happy for him, it's a new exciting chapter in his life. When I got home, he sent me a text thanking me for another lovely evening. At the end of my reply, I told him that I was gutted he was leaving. He told me he felt a strong connection too, and he hoped that the distance doesn't put me off committing to anything, but he would understand if it did.

We've avoided the conversation for now, but I'm well aware of the little time we do have before he leaves. I'm prepared to travel to make it work, and he hopes to come home a few times a month.

I'm just not sure of the best way to leave it? I'd like to think we are both on the same page. But seeing as we haven't been dating for too long, I can't expect too much from him, and the last thing I want to do is put pressure on the relationship.

PlymouthMaid

Could you just tell him that you would really like to see him when he pops back as you feel that you do have a great connection so far? Proper long distance relationships are very hard work so, in the long term, if it does progress one of you may end up moving to give it a chance.

Serendipitious

Well, you could just see how it plays out in the first few weeks.

He might arrive at his new place and realise work isn't everything, and just turn right round and come back. Or he might like it there enough to stay but find he is missing you dreadfully.

If it's meant to be, you'll both find a way to overcome any obstacles. 150 miles is nothing compared to what many couples have to contend with.

Hope things work out for you. xx

honeypop

It's a distance I did for a while with my OH, and assuming you drive around a 2.5hr journey. It's not so far as to rule out driving there on a Friday after work and back on a Sunday evening in order to spend the weekend together every couple of weeks, and with his visits back to where you live now, could well end up seeing each other every weekend still. Something that some 'usual' distanced couples end up doing anyway.

Long distance relationships just mean the time spent together is concentrated into short bursts with gaps in between.

With the availability of calling, Skype etc it's very easy to keep in touch during the week.

I wouldn't write it off at all, especially if there's that strong a connection (as there was with OH and I). It's completely doable and not 'that' far as a long distance relationship. We also did 300 miles apart for a year, without really knowing whether one of us would move, but the connection we had made it worth trying. He moved here in the end, but I would have moved eventually :-)

VfM4meplse

Agree that if its meant to be, it will work out.

However I wouldn''t recommend giving away any goodies as a leaving gift. Let him earn it.

FBaby

What I think matters is that you both know where you stand as he goes so you don't build expectations that don't match the other's.

I think you should have a frank discussion and lay out how you both think it could work. Ie, when he comes back, how much time will he give you, ie. how much time will he also want to spend with family/friends etc... What you don't want is to be in a situation where he is happy with being able to talk to you when he is bored in the evenings, and happy to see you when he has a couple of hours free during his visits home, when you are sat at home looking forward to spending a whole week-end together.

Lunar_Eclipse

Relax and see what happens. There is no reason the distance needs to change anything, although seeing each other will take longer and be more expensive. And less spontaneous.

If you're keen to carry on seeing him, let him know, but don't get into a conversation that's too heavy at this stage in case it frightens either of you.

tea_lover

Did he already know he was moving when he got in contact and started seeing you? If so, I'd see it that he's only looking for something casual. Don't build your hopes up.

SandC

As he says he's planning on coming 'home' a couple of times a month I think it's worth playing by ear and arranging to see each other when you can. Just think what quality time it will always be instead of getting into the day to day dull stuff early on like a lot of couples do?

Go with it, enjoy it!

System

Its basically asking each other to be completely celibate...

Slinky

You say he's coming 'home' does this mean this isn't a permanent job move?