Time to grow up.

LabRatty

Hi Megano,
I'm a long-time lurker, tempted into de-lurkation by the issue of being a guarantor. I was a guarantor for someone about ten years ago, and I'd definitely warn against it. They require your bank details upfront as part of the agreement and then are at liberty to take the rent/loan repayment/etc from your account without any further contact/notice to you, apart from a statutory letter which may well arrive on the same day the payment is taken. Also, we're not just talking about missed payments - they can do this if the expected payment is late, even by a couple of days.
From what you've said about BIL's situation you could be in for a very expensive ride if you were to take this on.
Also, it would be likely to pollute relationships within the family if your efforts to become debt-free were directly derailed by BIL. As has been previously said, social services often have schemes to help people with no deposit - our local housing dept. run a bond guarantee scheme.
I know it's difficult to say no, but you have already put so much support into the BIL/FLP situation in terms of time, energy and money that you're hardly walking by on the other side.
Don't make yourselves vulnerable to an unquantifiable open ended financial commitment which could put a bomb under your life and potentially threaten your relationship with OH when you're working so hard to keep the show on the road already.

Sorry, lecture over. You're doing a fantastic job.:)

Megano

LabRatty wrote: »

Hi Megano,
I'm a long-time lurker, tempted into de-lurkation by the issue of being a guarantor. I was a guarantor for someone about ten years ago, and I'd definitely warn against it. They require your bank details upfront as part of the agreement and then are at liberty to take the rent/loan repayment/etc from your account without any further contact/notice to you, apart from a statutory letter which may well arrive on the same day the payment is taken. Also, we're not just talking about missed payments - they can do this if the expected payment is late, even by a couple of days.
From what you've said about BIL's situation you could be in for a very expensive ride if you were to take this on.
Also, it would be likely to pollute relationships within the family if your efforts to become debt-free were directly derailed by BIL. As has been previously said, social services often have schemes to help people with no deposit - our local housing dept. run a bond guarantee scheme.
I know it's difficult to say no, but you have already put so much support into the BIL/FLP situation in terms of time, energy and money that you're hardly walking by on the other side.
Don't make yourselves vulnerable to an unquantifiable open ended financial commitment which could put a bomb under your life and potentially threaten your relationship with OH when you're working so hard to keep the show on the road already.

Sorry, lecture over. You're doing a fantastic job.:)

Thanks LabRatty and welcome to the board! I know when I first started my journey it was a little daunting but honestly everyone is so supportive and lovely, its like having a cheering squad wanting you to succeed.

In terms of the BIL situation he's found himself a 1 bedroom flat and has apparently been given the green light to move in. How he's managed it I have no idea. He has no deposit, no month in advance but apparently the landlords like "no worries mate we'll cross that bridge when we come it it" seems a little too good to be true but honestly I'm just wanting a little break from the emotional roller coaster that is BIL. The guy is totally paranoid (years of drug abuse will do that) "SS are trying to take my kid off me.""SS stopped me getting that flat."" SS cancelled FLP hospital appointment."" "SS knew EX-GF was going to take her own life" In his head Im pretty sure they are having meetings in a dark ally saying "okay how are we going to mess up BIL today?" yesterday he was upset because they offered him grief counseling and in his head they should have done it sooner and I that's when I kindof "clocked out" mentally. Even if SS offered BIL the answer to all lifes problems he'd complain it wasn't done sooner. He needs someone to blame for FLP situation and is unwilling to look at himself as the bad guy.
Am I annoyed at SS? - Yes phoning OH and I saying "we are looking to get FLP adopted within family" and then a few weeks later to be "Aww BIL is not that bad really"
OH and I were beyond stressed out I think every time one of us breathed loudly it caused an argument.

ANYWOOO......and breath

I got a letter from my PPI claim saying I wasn't paying any on my CC which is fine as the company I went through don't charge unless you get to claim something back.

I phoned my mum and it turns out her boyfriend walked out on her after leaving a "Dear John" letter. Basically my mum was on benefits but has recently got a new part time job cleaning the local primary school and doctors surgery. Her boyfriend on the other hand (bear in mind he's 60) is a more "lets watch the flowers grow" mum told him in not so many words to f**k up as she wasn't going out to work to provide for both of them and told him he needs to get a job as well - girl power! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
Now my mum lives on a Scottish Island - its not as simple as I'll phone a taxi - goodbye! There's a boat and buses you need to catch. We managed to find out he's staying in a homeless hostel (maybe about an hour away from me) but when I phoned the number he refused to speak to me. I did get a facebook message asking me to tell my mum he was upset because of the situation and he'll return in a couple of days.- I'm not so sure he'll be welcome back to be honest but time will tell.

In my news. Im still loaded with the flu so another day off work :mad::(:mad::(:mad: but Im hoping to go back tomorrow. Feel pretty bad because the following I'll be away for the MUSE concert :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:. Really really not looking forward to this bus journey. BB recently has started his new job at Amazon warehouse on night shift (dont get me started on that place) so it looks like I'll need to entertain myself on the way down.

Megano

Been meaning to post for ages - I wrote a war and peace post explaining whats been happening and then I accidentally deleted the post. Argh not the greatest start!
So on Thursday I came home from W1 to find a letter from a DEBT COLLECTION AGENCY "Miss Megano you've failed to keep up your repayments with HMRC" and I was like nah, totally wrong they collect a direct debit from me every month like clockwork - if you remember I got a letter a couple of months ago saying the same thing and I was told by HMRC to ignore it as it was an admin error
So anyway I phone them up "Okay Miss Megano if this is the case we will need the tax years it involves, the payment plan reference number, blood of a virgin and a single salty tear from a unicorn. Then and only then can we resolve this for you."
So this started a 2 hour (during peak time so god knows how much my phone bill will be next month) holding session until finally I got through to someone at HMRC who said "woops our bad" really annoys me though. The point of getting debt free is to try and improve my credit score not for some idoit to mess it up by mistake whilst Im paying them! So Ive decided to increase the DD to then from £15 to £50 per month meaning I should be shot of them in November. Obvs the overdraft is still the priority as that's whats charging me interest but Im still more than confident I will be debt free from everything before Christmas this year and then I can start saving up for a house - #LifePlan. Im just getting really really restless with the whole situation. At W1 two folk have just been accepted for mortgages. Like Im happy for them Im just a little jealous its not me :rotfl:
I guess what makes it worst is the fact that Ive not been this focused in resolving the issue before. Any money I had was mine and to hell with the debts. Im thinking how can I speed this up more? Another part time job? We are still considering renting out the spare room in the summer but I need to be honest its been nice just being OH and I.
I got told from W1 yesterday because I was off with the flu Ive lost my bonus. My TL also said its because Im "almost" late some days to which I explained Im always in before my shift and he said I should be in even earlier. Without sounding like I dont care I was only expecting to get £100 before tax so I dont really see the point of jumping up and down complaining - Im taking my punishment like a women and complaining on social media :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: all I can do going forward is knuckle down so going forward Im in a good position next quarter - so basically I need to be super super super nice to folk.
BIL got the keys to h`is flat the other day and has asked me to look at getting him good deals on his utility - I wonder what website I'll just happen to have to go through :A:A:A:A
In other news.

I GOT MADE PERMANENT AT W2!

Florence_J

Yey, congratulations about being made permanent!

LabRatty

Congrats on being made permanent at W2! BTW, I'm gobsmacked that W1 feel they can claim some sort of moral high ground because you've been 'almost late'. Exactly how much of your own time do they expect you to donate to their business in order to be a model employee?:(

LR

Megano

Muse were amazing! They played alot of new stuff which I didn't know but they also played the classics like plug in baby and time is running out.
We never got to do any tourist stuff what so ever (which reminds me I never even SEEN the London Eye) we arrived in London at 5.30 on the Monday "quick" taxi ride to Sussex's Gardens *for the nice tune of £15* ditched our bags and away we went to the O2 via London Underground - which is crazy! So many different lines all going to what seems the same place. In Glasgow we have a circle :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
The O2 is HUGE! There must have been about 10000 there easily and the place was bouncing.
The return trip was awful I spent a total of 19 hours on a bus over 2 days - an experience I do not want to repeat.

I still cant shake of this "meh" feeling, its like I have no energy for anything or anyone - I crashed on the sofa and woke up at 6.30 to 5 missed calls from W2 as I was meant to be on shift at 6pm. I know exactly what it is. My doctor prescribed me anti depressants for my OCD and anxiety and said if you dont treat your anxiety it will cause you to be depressed. But me being me is like I don't need no pills telling me how to feel! (trust me this isnt the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time Ive given myself the Im better speech and came off all my medication - OH and I call this "crashing" - where things are perfect without my meds and then BOOM! Back to square 1) I dont even know why I keep doing it as I said this isnt the 1st time - maybe part of me doesn't want to admit I have mental health issues.

ANYHOO I got my credit card statement in and with the trip to London and back home with FLP and OH it has came to £322 :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: so it means Im only going to be paying £120 to the overdraft this month and £50 to HMRC - great time to increase payments!

Willowpop

Megano! Just catching up here....
Made permanent?!? This is just awesome! Well done you. I'm sure happy for you.

Glad you sorted the confusion woth HMRC, so frustrating when it's an error like that. I think you're probably right to up the repayments and get rid of them...then you can concentrate on the debts you can control!

And lastly, medication.. consider taking the meds.. I know it's hard to admit you need a little help sometimes but it might just be a good thing. Your doctor is unlikely to prescribe them if he didn't think you'd benefit from taking them. It doesn't have to be a long trm thing necessarily, just a relatively short term thing. You have a lot on your plate with debts, work (ALMOST late???!!!! !!!!!!??l) and the whole situation surrounding FLP, plus on top of that 'life' and all the stuff that brings. If you were struggling to lift a heavy box you'd ask someone for help, right? Maybe the meds ae the same- you just need a hand carrying the box for a while. xx

Megano

Nothing really new to report guys. Just been plodding along at W1 and W2. - still no word of any overtime at either jobs and W1 is doing a massive recruitment drive. OH! I forgot to tell you a girl I use to work with texted me to let me know she had been fired from the job (I know how that feels) so I offered to recommend her to W1 and she got the job which is great because if she stays for 3 months (no reason why she wouldnt want to its a fairly cosy number - really not too busy, great wages. Hey! Is anyone looking for a customer service role in Glasgow? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:) I get £500 for recommending her (obvs I need to pay tax) - the thing I think she's expecting me to spilt it and Im like I did you a favour - I helped with your interview prep, gave you loads of information about the company. Ive spoken to loads of folk and some people are saying spilt it, others are saying would she give you half her bonus when she qualifys?
Phoned Lloyds to reduce my OD by £130 the department was busy, called back the next day the department was shut so today Im crossing my fingers and toes I get to speak to someone its like TAKE MY MONEY LLOYDS - Im trying to PAY you back
BB texted me on Sunday he's went and bought tickets to go see Muse at the Hydro Glasgow - which Im a little annoyed about. I suggested we did that back in October but he said no which meant I had to put the hotel and bus on the CC, I took holidays from W1 and W2 and now a week later he's bought tickets to go see them again. At a concert venue 20 minutes away from my house? BB is a great guy but he lives at home with mum and dad and doesnt have any outgoings or debts so he's able to just buy stuff.
I phoned mum and asked her WHENI get out of debt. Would she be willing to loan me £1200 the maximum I can put into a help to buy ISA in my first installment she went on this massive rant how she doesnt feel Im taking my debts seriously and Im like are you kididing me right now? Ive cleared over a grand in 3 months! Ever since BIL-EXGF killed herself I realised OH and I are most likely going to be the only "stable" people in FLP life and Im determined to get my ducks lined up for him and Ive been working like a beast to make sure that happens. Kinda hurts when my mum doesnt see all the hard work Im doing.

Willowpop

Hey Megano!
I'm sure your mum is just concerend that you are thinking of more debt as soon as you get out of this lot, and is a bit owrried that you might end up borrowing from elsewhere as well as her for various stuff.

You're doing a great job at getting that debt you have paid off, and YOU need to be proud of yourself. You're the important one here. I'm sure your mum is just as proud, and doesn't want to see you get back into debt once you've climbed out of this lot.

The help to buy isa is a fab thing, and you can still contribute even without that lump sum....maybe do that instead of borrowing from your mum....put the money you've been using to pay off your debts into the isa instead. It'll soon mount up.

x

Megano

Willowpop wrote: »

Hey Megano!
I'm sure your mum is just concerend that you are thinking of more debt as soon as you get out of this lot, and is a bit owrried that you might end up borrowing from elsewhere as well as her for various stuff.
x

I never really thought of that Willowpop. I guess I was kinda just looking at the "light at the end of the tunnel" at the end of the day Im always going to be my mums only daughter, and the youngest so of course she's going to worry about me (I was in a bad relationship before. Not that the guy ever laid a finger on me he was a bit of a user happy to sit and watch movies - claiming benefits while I was working two jobs and paying all the bills and him not putting his hand in his pocket for anything *what a tit I was*. My mum and family saw straight through. and of course they tried to tell me and I fell out with them because "they didn't understand him") and in a way she's never really accepted that Ive changed since then doesn't help when her boyfriends have been users as well (like mother like daughter :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:)
Maybe she's just worried about history repeating itself but like I said Ive been with OH for 8 years! - Im not a stupid 18 year old any more who's wide eyed for an older guy. Ive got my head screwed on and Im moving forward.
The W3 search has been really really slow - I was hoping to get a cleaner job in the morning but all the jobs Ive found would clash with either W1 or W2. So I applied to work for AQA and 118 as a text message researcher - Im not even sure if folk text questions to these things anymore with most phones having the internet nowadays but theres no harm in trying. My mate works for an adult texting service and this company wants you to send 600 text messages free of charge before they will pay you and Im like - getta.