Separating with 4 year old but where do I go?

Jagraf

VfM4meplse wrote: »

If you are on good terms with your ex, it is possible to separate and live under the same roof. You won't be around that often, it solves the disruption to DD's life and you will be helpful when you're around. It also buys you some time to think.

Is there a desperate rush to do anything other than move bedrooms atm?

We tried this but found it was more confusing for our daughter - separate bedrooms, separate lives and timings, trying not to argue (inevitably this happens when you split up as you no longer see yourselves as beng able to share your lives).

We thought it would work as my ex was away during the week so it was just weekends. However, it was all very weird trying to maintain a split but together approach.

[Deleted User]

Yes renting is an option I suppose I never thought of that. Maybe a good idea to rent somewhere local for the first 6 months then decide if it will work, if not then maybe move a little closer to my old hometown.

My wife is in the process of signing my daughter up for more classes and I was thinking of asking her to hold off as I wasn't sure how it would work if I moved away with regards to the travelling

Think I'll just leave it for now and let my daughter carry on as normal until the time comes when we sell the house and split for real.

[Deleted User]

Mojisola wrote: »

But your ex might move on sooner than you. You have to be prepared to see the ex and her new man with your daughter round about town if you're living locally.

That's going to be the thing I am unsure of, seeing another man around my little girl. Yes it won't be easy and that's my biggest fear tbh how I will react, not the fact he will be with my wife but the fact he will be effectively raising my daughter if my wife does re-marry. And that is my biggest regret and fear in this whole episode. But that's something I will have to get over.

Starting to think now about moving that little bit further away to that place which is about 30 mins away in a car. Maybe better to have a little travel and not run the risk of that happening. If she stayed with me its only 15 miles away from her home where she will be.

Arrghhh why do things like this happen...

Jagraf

Deleted_User wrote: »

That's going to be the thing I am unsure of, seeing another man around my little girl. Yes it won't be easy and that's my biggest fear tbh how I will react, not the fact he will be with my wife but the fact he will be effectively raising my daughter if my wife does re-marry. And that is my biggest regret and fear in this whole episode. But that's something I will have to get over.

Starting to think now about moving that little bit further away to that place which is about 30 mins away in a car. Maybe better to have a little travel and not run the risk of that happening. If she stayed with me its only 15 miles away from her home where she will be.

Arrghhh why do things like this happen...

One day at a time - you could both form new relationships and it can work perfectly well. I don't think personally you can change stuff a little one does at the weekends (although some feel differently) but if you are close enough for this not to be a problem it will be better all round.

Once they get older they will have their own lives (irrespective of what mums or dads want them to do). So the closer the better, so they can always see you.

VfM4meplse

Deleted_User wrote: »

My wife is in the process of signing my daughter up for more classes and I was thinking of asking her to hold off as I wasn't sure how it would work if I moved away with regards to the travelling

You're right, you absolutely must keep talking for the sake of DD. And involve DD wherever possible. Have you asked her what she wants? If DD told you in front of your ex, she might soften her position to accomodate you and meet her daughter's wishes.

[Deleted User]

There is no issue with me and my wife we are very amicable about this and we be staying together until we sell the house. As far as my little girl knows everything is fine and there is no arguing or shouting matches and her school and days out are just carrying on as normal.

Appreciating all the comments, it's fiod for thought.

Jagraf

Deleted_User wrote: »

There is no issue with me and my wife we are very amicable about this and we be staying together until we sell the house. As far as my little girl knows everything is fine and there is no arguing or shouting matches and her school and days out are just carrying on as normal.

Appreciating all the comments, it's fiod for thought.

So just wait until you sell the house, and then make the decision.

Good luck with everything x

[Deleted User]

Jagraf wrote: »

So just wait until you sell the house, and then make the decision.

Good luck with everything x

Thanks, just wondered what to do regarding the living situation.
Some hard decisions to make now.

Gigervamp

With all these classes your daughter goes to, does she spend any time at home with you or mum?

[Deleted User]

Gigervamp wrote: »

With all these classes your daughter goes to, does she spend any time at home with you or mum?

Yes she does the classes are only an hour each but it would or will be a lot of travelling if I move away and she stays with me on a weekend when I am home.