help wanted ....hubby admitted he has £50,000 debt

sourcrates

So has he included all his debts in the IVA or is the 50k you mention on top of that ?

lucyinlove

sourcrates wrote: »

So has he included all his debts in the IVA or is the 50k you mention on top of that ?

No the IVA s is for three credit cards (I'm only learning bout all this stuff) so they are the majority of the debt £30,000. The rest is from payday loans (totalling 1000 if paid off in next day or two , and his dad has agreed to pay this) and the other 19,000 is from a mortgage overdraft . We have sat down and budgeted how to pay these.........he will no longer have any control of his finances (if he wants to stay together ) . I will give him money out if wages for everything he needs (diesel for car, lunch at work etc ) but everything else I'm taking control of, so as I know have access to his bank account , I'll know of every last fiver that's spent

sourcrates

Right, I see, you/he, had better tread carfully as he will be breaking the terms of the IVA by borrowing more than £500.

This could have serious repercussions if his IP were to find out.

lucyinlove

sourcrates wrote: »

Right, I see, you/he, had better tread carfully as he will be breaking the terms of the IVA by borrowing more than £500.

This could have serious repercussions if his IP were to find out.

When he wrote the letters to the credit card companies detailing his expenses and asking for help etc ,he had to send a detailed ingoings/outgoings to them (his payday loans started at couple hundred but due to interest have risen , so that's why his dad is helping him pay them ) does this make sense? I'm only learning about a lot of this myself as he showed me the letters sent . He'd been in touch with stepchange who advised and helped him send the letters so the loans we're detailed in his outgoings form

Moneyfordreams

This is my first post on another page my heart goes out to you.
I don't know about gambling. My husbands debt was from his business partnership with his brother. It was probably over a hundred grand in the end. There are many reasons why they failed. Too many to go into.
Debt felt like a disease and to get free of that disease is a huge relief. I walked for miles the day I begged my husband to get a job. It was that or throw in the towel. I've worked overtime for years. I was paying the mortgage and the bills. many of the debts were getting paid except VAT. They found a £50k historical debt not paid. Mind you , that could have been lies too.
I took control. I bought my husband out of the house with a mortgage. His wages get paid into my account. I still don't trust him financially. I went apoplectic earlier this year when I found he had a credit card. He's still paying the OR until next year. It's made us stronger. We are a team. Mind you he's chef, chauffeur, dad, granddad , cleaner. I'm milking it. Good luck xx

Rrushi_Shqiptar

Just a quick post rather than read and run.

I was made bankrupt for a very small amount £800 by a CC company and it destroyed our family eventually, but before you think oh my god.
Your husband has not stopped being a bad man, father and husband. Stupid maybe, but he needs help and if you love him stay close and work it out, it will be hard and it will be a worry indeed.

He needs to be honest and you both need to seek help and take charge of the situation. I buried my head in the sand due to having PTSD after injuries on duty and not dealing with debts and the chance of taking control was removed from me.

I was a good dad, still am but as I am sure he is.

He will feel sick as well over this and maybe relieved. I dont hate the postman or the phone anymore and my life is much much better (different from yours I know but debt is debt £500, 5k 50k if u cant pay it is all the same.

Cut the cards up. let them know whats going on. Make a plan to pay them even if its £1.

Get his wages paid into your account and you can deal with the finances as needed.

Seek help from the charities who will also advise you and even come to your house and work plans out with you and can even sort letters out for the creditors.

Depending on his job and the house is bankruptcy an option. I am 42days away from my 6yr bankruptcy order and I am a much happier and wealthier man now than ever before.

My thoughts and blessings to you.

ProudDad

Just wanted to post a quick reply after having read this. Can't really offer any advice but sounds like you are going down the right path for you. Not that I will be much help but if the going gets tough and you need someone to bounce an idea off more than happy to listen :-)... Good luck to both of you!!!

Puddylove

Hi
I'm so sorry to read about your husband's behaviour. It's admirable that you are planning to support him, and help him through this.

I just want to tell you that you don't have to. You are not responsible for his bad behaviour, whether due to a gambling addiction or not - and you have a duty to look after yourself.

It will be a very long road back - repaying debt but more importantly rebuilding trust. Can you trust him not to lie again? My ex lied about money, and turned out to be £26k in debt. I stood by him, helped him, took on a horrible job to give us free accommodation.

In the end, I realised that a liar's lies don't stop with money; they lie about anything if it's to their selfish advantage.

You can say 'enough' and leave.
P x

FireWyrm

I have to agree with AndyFromMotley. This will never improve. You will never be able to trust him again and since a partnership is based on trust, that essentially means that the partnership is finished. There are consequences to one's actions and he must have known that there would be consequences for this. Losing a few hundred can be forgiven, losing a full house deposit, half a pension or a dozen cars is just impossible to overlook.

Compulsive gamblers are like compulsive alcoholics...they are only temporarily sober until they fall off the wagon yet again. I'm really sorry for you, but its time you started thinking about how to exit this nightmare.

Pixie5740

I'm not surprised you're all over the place. Helping him through it once is one thing, having to go though it all again is another.

I'm curious about the mortgage overdraft you have mentioned a couple of times. What is it? Do you have one of those current account mortgages which is essentially like a massive overdraft that should be reducing over the years?

How is/will his IVA affecting your mortgage and the roof over your head?