Looking after Grandchild

Metranil_Vavin

slowcoachme wrote: »

My grandson has been looked after by his father up till now, he's now got a job hence my offer to look after GS. It's short term because by end of year they will be in a position to pay for childcare. Reminder to self, Nag daughter to research childminders/nurseries!

This! Don't let them take advantage!!

Metranil_Vavin

Just to add, my 2 kids went up for 9 days to my OH's parents in Warwickshire during the summer holiday as the nursery they were at was closed for the summer and my childminder was on holiday so we would have had to have taken most of our annual leave to cover it (I hardly get any as I only work p/time).

They had a fantastic time as MiL is great with kids (ex-teacher) and had loads of fun things lined up every day.

We made sure we gave them some money though when we dropped them up to help cover off entrance to anything/extra food/treats etc, which I think your daughter and partner should be doing as well.

Kaye1

I agree, you sound amazing!


However, your daughter needs to actively help you. I have a 2 year old and to be honest, I am exhausted by the end of the day.


Perhaps they could help you with housework- do the ironing or something like that?


My MIL looked after my very boisterous nephew for two years and the problems that arose were because things weren't made clear at the start. The little boy was often not sent with spare clothes, nappies, wipes etc- so my MIL was fed up that she was constantly buying these things. She should have said that he needed to be sent with a full bag every time.
She was not re-imbursed for trips/entrance fees etc and so she then felt that the other grandchildren were 'missing out,' because she was forced to spend so much more on my nephew- which meant she had little left over.
And finally, the biggest issue was discipline. She has had four children of her own and was pretty good at boundaries etc. However, the child's parents were pretty lax- so she felt unable to 'tell him off' because his parents didn't support this.
She loves him dearly but honestly, if they had sat down at the start, set some boundaries, it would have been a lot easier.
He has started school now and some of the boundaries Nanny did manage to put in place have really helped- teaching him to sit and eat nicely at the table etc.
I wish you all the very best.

jemb

I dont think your Daughter is being very fair. My little girl goes to my Mum's twice a week. Mum has her 9-6 and refuses to take any money. We do however as a small thank you, take her out every coule of weeks for a meal all together (I'm an only child and so is my toddler) and buy her flowers to say thank you every week too. We send her lunch and tea with her, buy nappies and send changes of clothes. She take her everywhere. They love going to the garden centre at this time of year, the park, soft play/ jungle gym. Please as others have said, ask your daughter to look into childcare. You didnt retire to work full time for free!

determined_new_ms

I have custody of my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter (my dd has mental health problems and couldn't look after her so we took her on at 11 months). I have found at this age I need to have several activities planned for the day to keep her occupied!

Today we did a massive art project using lining paper, potato stamps, brushes, fingers & toes. I laid out a load of newspaper and put the lining paper on the floor. We did that for about 25 minutes then painted the stones holding down the paper. She then helped me clear up the paper and then we washed hands and feet.

After that we did playdoh and cutting out magazines (well she tried as she hasn't quite mastered the art of scissors!)

I then put her in the bath and she played with her toys and got clean at the same time.

Then it was snack and then quiet time - peppa pig to give me a chance to clear round. Once that was over she did some independent play and then we had lunch.

This afternoon I'm planning to go in the garden for a little bit so will give her a washing up bowl of water and some jugs & pots to play with while I do some general tidying. She helps with this but get easily bored so I have found water play captures her imagination.

When we come in we'll have afternoon snack & drink and then stories and probably barbies (new thing!)

I have definitely found breaking up the day into small activities keeps her entertained and then she's happy to do some independent play.

Other things I do with her:

* playgroups - try loads out and see which ones you like. I have about 6 centres near us so go to whichever activity looks good/group we like when free
* swimming
* walk in the woods
* softpaly
* playgym
* library
* art & crafts - gluing & contact paper gluing are good activities
* balloon catch/play
* visit a farm and feed the chickens (if an option near you)
* go on a double decker bus ride
* park
* build a fort

Gosh anything really but break it down into 20-30 minute sessions at home with breaks in between. Good luck it's tiring but lots of fun!

Savvy_Sue

slowcoachme wrote: »

I don't think my DD and partner realise how lucky they are! and I will definitely be reminding them to find other care in the New Year though I could still possibly do 2 or 3 days.

My advice: don't offer 2 or 3 days. Offer 1, plus emergencies ...

cyantist

slowcoachme wrote: »

My grandson has been looked after by his father up till now, he's now got a job hence my offer to look after GS. It's short term because by end of year they will be in a position to pay for childcare. Reminder to self, Nag daughter to research childminders/nurseries!

Make sure they get onto looking for somewhere now and get your DS a place cos it might take a while. Otherwise it will come to the New Year and they'll find they've got to wait months for a space and in the meantime they'll have no one to look after him and will be asking you to carry on.

pollyanna24

RiaMac wrote: »

My grandson is 4 and I have looked after him every day since he was 3 weeks old when his mum went back to work. My son stays at home so the little one is here every day and at least 2 overnights a week. The only 2 days "off" I get is when my son is not at work. He does shifts so he might be off on a Tuesday and Friday one week and other days the following week. His shifts are made up 3 weeks in advance but can be changed the day before so I never know when I will have a day to myself! I too never receive any money from the mum even although she gets child benefit, tax credits etc. I do this for the love of my grandson and not for money although I will look at the link Nicki has given. Thank you Nicki :A.
She now has another baby whose dad she claims, pays her a lot of money each week and my son should pay the same. She also TOLD me I would need to look after her new baby but this time she wasn't going back to work but needed some time to herself :eek: Needless to say I 'politely' said not in this lifetime. My son would be minus £14 each week if he did pay the same so that could never happen. He is really good though and contributes as much as he can to the house finances even though his wages are obviously not good and he also pays for his sons's food, clothes etc.
We are lucky that everything is on our doorstep. Within 5 minutes we can be at the carer and toddler group, nursery, library, soft play, the woods, park and the local city farm. Thankfully it is only the soft play we need to pay for as I could not afford to take grandson to many paying activities. Sometimes I think I should give her a cloth to polish her brass neck :mad:

Have I understood right?

This woman expected you to mind her child who is not your grandchild as she has had another child by someone else?! And for free?

Mrshaworth2b

Get yourself on netmums website, you can see what's on in the local area, some things are free and may be of interest. There may be a meet up group on there also. I've been to baby signing and met two grandparents there, one I am still in touch with and she invited me to another playgroup with many many grandparents present. So don't feel that you will be outnumbered. I would rather talk to the nan I met at baby signing than some of the mothers more my age.

74jax

I would echo all the other posters regarding what to do. Maybe try and remember why you offered, it sounds as though you are resenting it now but you did offer. It would take a strong parent to turn down such an offer.

I'd start saying now about your plans in the new year etc so they know it doesn't include child minding.