How do you enjoy your family?

Towser

When my boys were just born quite a few people told me to enjoy them. I have but I still want to. The time has gone so fast.

DS10 is into gaming and locks himself away. Occasionally gives me a cuddle when I ask for one. Will play cards with me. Enjoys a skiing lesson once a week. What else can I do?

DS9Autistic Always gives me cuddles when I ask. He really likes animals so I take him to an open farm once a week and he really likes riding on trains so we buy a return ticket once a week. He still likes having stories read to him which is really nice. I always try to give him his favourite food.

DH has an insatiable desire for sex! I always make sure I have dinner on the table for him when he comes home from work and always make sure his ironing is done for work.

I try to make events such as Halloween and Christmas special too.

Dog likes his daily walks.

What else could I do? I want to get closer to all of them.

System

Towser wrote: »

When my boys were just born quite a few people told me to enjoy them. I have but I still want to. The time has gone so fast.

DS10 is into gaming and locks himself away. Occasionally gives me a cuddle when I ask for one. Will play cards with me. Enjoys a skiing lesson once a week. What else can I do?

DS9Autistic Always gives me cuddles when I ask. He really likes animals so I take him to an open farm once a week and he really likes riding on trains so we buy a return ticket once a week. He still likes having stories read to him which is really nice. I always try to give him his favourite food.

DH has an insatiable desire for sex! I always make sure I have dinner on the table for him when he comes home from work and always make sure his ironing is done for work.

I try to make events such as Halloween and Christmas special too.

Dog likes his daily walks.

What else could I do? I want to get closer to all of them.

You are putting the wrong thing on a plate for him if thats the case :rotfl:

missbiggles1

Towser wrote: »

When my boys were just born quite a few people told me to enjoy them. I have but I still want to. The time has gone so fast.

DS10 is into gaming and locks himself away. Occasionally gives me a cuddle when I ask for one. Will play cards with me. Enjoys a skiing lesson once a week. What else can I do?

DS9Autistic Always gives me cuddles when I ask. He really likes animals so I take him to an open farm once a week and he really likes riding on trains so we buy a return ticket once a week. He still likes having stories read to him which is really nice. I always try to give him his favourite food.

DH has an insatiable desire for sex! I always make sure I have dinner on the table for him when he comes home from work and always make sure his ironing is done for work.

I try to make events such as Halloween and Christmas special too.

Dog likes his daily walks.

What else could I do? I want to get closer to all of them.

Do you all eat together as a family? What do you enjoy doing at the weekend on family days out?

maman

Spinkz wrote: »

You are putting the wrong thing on a plate for him if thats the case :rotfl:

I don't want to dismiss your feelings as you wouldn't have posted if you weren't unhappy BUT.....


Surely ironing and putting a meal on the table aren't the only things you bring to the relationship with your husband. If that's the case then I think I'd be unhappy too. Aside from his 'demands' don't you sit together, eat together (as missbiggles asked), chat to each other, cuddle up together?


I think it must be hard with an autistic son but you seem to be looking for love, company and closeness in the wrong place. Your boys will grow up and become increasingly independent and then what's left? And what about friends and/or wider family? I'd work on your relationship(s). Your boys sound typical pre-teens but you need to get involved with people and other interests and definitely build a good relationship with your husband.

BigAunty

Seems you fit yourself to their particular needs, putting them first on an individual basis.

What do they do to please you?! What interests do you have that you indulge in and what support do your children and husband give you to fulfill and encourage it?

What group activities do you do as a family? Seems that each gets their own interest but you haven't mentioned any kind of group interaction at all.

Why do you let your eldest son lock himself away for the majority of the time?

thorsoak

What do they do for you?

VfM4meplse

BigAunty wrote: »

Why do you let your eldest son lock himself away for the majority of the time?

This is important. He needs to learn to make time for family, as well as whatever it is he wants to do (hours can pass by gaming so at least set a limit on that!). I would insist on keeping at least one weekend morning / afternoon and evening protected for "family" time. Each son can also join you in walking the dog once a week, that can be your time to learn more about them on an individual basis and offer parental guidance.

As for your OH.....you have my sympathy!

BigAunty

VfM4meplse wrote: »

This is important. He needs to learn to make time for family, as well as whatever it is he wants to do (hours can pass by gaming so at least set a limit on that!).

Though not exactly the same thing, my early teens niece slopes off to her room at every opportunity but also was found to spend too much time on social media.

She has her phone and tablet confiscated at a certain time each evening because it produced poor sleep patterns and grumpy behaviour. Apparently, she was on them all through the night, waking if one of them beeped with a new message.

She is expected to spend part of the evening in the living room. They understand her need to escape her boisterous siblings but given complete freedom, they'd never see her.

I think without these boundaries, she would simply be absent from the social spaces in the house, constantly glued to her phone and ipad.

She stayed with me a few days and had access to a TV in the room. I don't know if she spent a lot of time watching tv or its teenage fatigue, but she was a total mare to get out of bed each morning and could be quite bleary and unenergetic.

She is compelled to join in family events. Again, without this compunction, given the choice, she'd just prefer to socially withdraw.

I'm sure many families experience this dilemma - wanting to give the kid space and choice but appreciating that the kid may simply choose to waste their time.

xxlouisexx56

I love spending time with my family.

We all enjoy going out to eat and the cinema!

We took our girls to a trampoline park last week. That was super fun!

Tigsteroonie

Towser wrote: »

DH has an insatiable desire for sex! I always make sure I have dinner on the table for him when he comes home from work and always make sure his ironing is done for work.

Is this relevant or just boasting?

maman

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Is this relevant or just boasting?

I'm wondering if it's a wind up as no responses. Surely OP can't imagine all her DH wants from a relationship is a dinner and ironed clothes.