Buying a house with partner

Pixie5740

starchild85 wrote: »

Furthermore, my partner is coming across as a bit of a layabout - hes not really made any effort in us trying to get housing (before we found out about my money coming through) and now he knows we're getting the money he's been looking at expensive cars, so I am a bit worried about his intentions and whether I actually want to be in a long term relationship with someone as since having the baby he has been a handful like being jealous etc. I feel like I have handed a lot to him on a plate and that giving him half a house straight away is too much, I need to believe in his intentions a bit more.

Your partner is a bit of a layabout who has supported you whilst you've been studying and will continue to support you as a SAHM? I've been out with some lazy beggars in my time and none of them would have supported me like that. Not to mention that you chose to have a child with this man so he can't be all bad.

If you didn't need him to pay all the bills whilst you are a stay at home mum, would you even be considering buying somewhere and letting him move in?

Have you sat down and had a conversation with him about finances and the future of your family. I understand that you are concerned about him walking away with a claim on the property should the relationship breakdown but if you look at it from his point of view, he could support you for years and then walk away with absolutely nothing and losing his home to boot.

StellaHL31

Buying a house in the London is that costly or not ?

densol_2

I dunno but I feel really sorry for this fella from what I have read

Ganador

"The reason why I am so iffy about it is because my mum and dad divorced after 20 years together and then had a 12 year long divorce over the house and it caused my mum me and my dad a lot of stress. "

But in your thread in July asking about the house you own with your mother, you stated you were 29, your father had died 13 years before when you were 15 and that your father had been removed from the deeds in 1993 when you were 8.

So did your parents have a "moment" during the 12 year divorce negotiations or was your birth significantly overdue? (1993 minus 12 - divorce commenced 1981, your year of birth 1985).

TBagpuss

I would sugges tthat you get some proper advice and get a formal cohabitation agreement drawn up.

It would be possible to have a Declaration of trust which expressly stated that he purpose of the trust was to secure a stable family home for you and your child - it would be possible to have provisions which gave him a % entitlement but set specific conditions for when the house could be sold - for example it could be explitily set out that the house would not be sold until your child turns 18 (subject to you and the child continuing to live in the property)

Any agreement can also make vry clear whether or not your partner paying bills etc and/.or carrying out work to the hosue will or will not increase or otherwise change any claims he has against the house.

Becuase such an agreement has to be signed by you both, it forces you to consider and discuss what each of you expects, and ensures that if there are major differences over finances that you find out nowm, before it is too late, not later after you have moved in together.

It alos means that if things go downhill in the future, you each know whare you stand and hopefully, being able to avoid majot financial rows will make it easier to deal with other issues.

If you do have a cohabitation agreement then this can, and should, be reviewed regualrly and updated to take into account changing circumstances

if you do decide to marry in due course you can conside rwhether you wish at that time to enter into a pre-nup or whether at that point you simply let the agreements lapse

tlc678910

Hi, your post which gave more information changed my view (which was initially to just buy the house in both names considering the amount of time you have been together) but on reflection and for what they're worth here are my thoughts: (please forgive me if I sound bossy/clumsy I don't mean any of my points as a personal attack or judgement the "you" is more the "you" in a logic puzzle than the "you" in real life if you see what I mean.)

Important considerations:
1) your priority is a home for your son, a stable one that never needs to be "carved up"

2) This money is coming to you on the back of the hard work and frugal choices of your parents. It should be safeguarded for your bloodline as I assume they would wish

3) Your partner is just as important and valid as he would be if you weren't being given a big pot of money and should be treated as you would like to be treated if the roles were reversed. (You never know he might inherit from a long lost aunt or win the lottery - how would you want to be treated?)

So with these considerations in mind I would recommend:
1. You buy the house in your name. You make a will that your child inherits it. If you have more children the will says they inherit in equal shares. You explain to your partner that you are not doing this to denigrate him but to respect the decades of hard work and sacrifices your parents made to earn that money. It is reality that if you died and your partner inherited the house, went on to remarry and then died himself your children might not see a penny. Make sure you take life insurance for both you and your partner so you could both afford to raise your child as a single parent if you needed to.

2. You live in the house as a true family home and commit to never pull rank over "my house" I think that would be a short cut to an unhappy time. You don't treat your partner as a cash cow because you own the house. He supports his family while you are a stay at home mum if he can or you both combine work and childcare as many have to and when you can begin to earn again you pull your weight with the finances too.

3. You respect that he deserves to build security and assets too and pledge to support him in his efforts to save up for his own rental property. I think you said he was a builder so a rental in the future would suit his skill set.

When you see him striving and saving, with your help and support, for a bright future you will both be deliriously happy and get married when you feel the time is right.

Now what's for tea?....
Tlc