Buying a house with partner

FBaby

Surely it is up to you to decide what you think is right. We don't know the reason why you are not married. There is a big difference between not wanting to do so because of the financial ties that comes with it, or not doing so because you don't believe in the establishment or the ceremony but feel as committed into the relationship as if you were.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Get married and pool all your resources. Living together may be the same as marriage to you, but it isn't in law.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

C_Mababejive wrote: »

If i were a close friend of your partners and he asked my advice, i would advise him to go get his own house and not live in someone elses..

Leading to lots of under-occupied houses. That's just what the country needs at the moment.

Mojisola

starchild85 wrote: »

We've been together for 13 years which is the same as marriage to me and we have a son together (3 months).

I do agree that he would be paying rent normally, but as I have been a student the last 3 years he has taken most of the financial responsibility and as he is a builder he will be doing any refurbs/upgrades to the property.

So he has been supporting you financially for three years and is going to continue doing so while you are a SAHP, despite you having enough in savings to buy a house outright?

I think it's him who needs advice.

Dird

C_Mababejive wrote: »

If i were a close friend of your partners and he asked my advice, i would advise him to go get his own house and not live in someone elses..

Have you removed your foot from your mouth yet? It's pretty ridiculous people saying not to live together unless married. It would be foolish to get married without seeing how you cope being together day-in, day-out rather than having a couple days gap between meatings. It's even more ridiculous than saying abstinence before marriage.

HappyMJ wrote: »

even just for your baby's sake why are you not getting married?

So he doesn't grow up a b@stard? What century is this?

To the OP, is he actually asking about the ownership or is this just you thinking? If he's mentioned it & brings it up again it becomes potentially awkward. From his POV I'd want security, from your POV I'd be selfish and want it all for myself.

If he's not mentioning it I'd just forget about it. Have you two been generally happy the last 3 years? If he mentions it again you could just ask "why not just get married?". A marriage document is probably cheaper than solicitors fees for the 20%?

AlexMac

I'm always wary of offering unsolicited lifestyle advice to strangers, and some of the replies above seem a tad harsh, but you did ask, so here goes!

0-100% or 20-80% seems mean to me, and in his shoes I'd be hoping for a more even split, ideally 50-50?

...unless he's already signalled a conscious or unconscious intention to dump you and the child and scarper with 50% of the equity as soon as you complete on the house. If that was the case, I hope you'd notice? Or maybe you'r thinking of trading him in for a younger model and feel you'll be a more attarctive prospect with a dowry?

On a more positive and less flippant or disrespectful note, a relationship of 13 years and a child plus what sounds a fairly equitable balance of input to the relationship ( in terms of cash, living costs, childcare, home refurbs, etc, not to mention, I hope, love and affection) implies a fairly confident permanence. So back to my suggestion about 'equity' meaning parity, not a wad of bricks & mortar.

But it's your decision. Me and 'er indoors lived together for about 13 years, as we were iffy about traditional concepts of marriage and didn't need the church or state to endorse our relationship. But in the end we gave in around the millenium, as property, pensions and wills were getting complicated. We found a nice venue and a registrar and threw a big cheap party for all our friends and family (at that time, our former public and charity sector employers only gave 'widows pensions' to 'widows' and I was damned if I'd let the town hall keep mine if I pegged out!)

But whatever you decide, do make a will; happy decison-time.

starchild85

I've just been given a very large lump sum of money to buy a house by my mother, as I own half of her property and am unable to afford renting in London at the moment - basically my inheritance early. That is how comes he has been paying for me whilst I have been being a student. Before that I was earning twice the amount of him and absorbed most of the costs of living in London.

We were hand-fastened 3 years ago, but as suggested above, we do not like the establishment. But we were planning to have a quick registry wedding next year for tax reasons.

The reason why I am so iffy about it is because my mum and dad divorced after 20 years together and then had a 12 year long divorce over the house and it caused my mum me and my dad a lot of stress. Furthermore, my partner is coming across as a bit of a layabout - hes not really made any effort in us trying to get housing (before we found out about my money coming through) and now he knows we're getting the money he's been looking at expensive cars, so I am a bit worried about his intentions and whether I actually want to be in a long term relationship with someone as since having the baby he has been a handful like being jealous etc. I feel like I have handed a lot to him on a plate and that giving him half a house straight away is too much, I need to believe in his intentions a bit more.

Also I am under the impression I can do prenuptial before we buy (http://www.forbes.com/sites/moneybuilder/2012/03/30/prenuptial-agreements-for-cohabitants/) which could potentially 'protect' me and my child from being uprooted from the house for my partner to claim his percentage of too early (i.e. before our child reaches 18 or something).

Mojisola

starchild85 wrote: »

I've just been given a very large lump sum of money to buy a house by my mother, as I own half of her property and am unable to afford renting in London at the moment - basically my inheritance early.

Either she's buying out the half of her house that you own or she's giving you an early inheritance - can't be both.

Guest101

starchild85 wrote: »

I've just been given a very large lump sum of money to buy a house by my mother, as I own half of her property and am unable to afford renting in London at the moment - basically my inheritance early. That is how comes he has been paying for me whilst I have been being a student. Before that I was earning twice the amount of him and absorbed most of the costs of living in London.

We were hand-fastened 3 years ago, but as suggested above, we do not like the establishment. But we were planning to have a quick registry wedding next year for tax reasons.

The reason why I am so iffy about it is because my mum and dad divorced after 20 years together and then had a 12 year long divorce over the house and it caused my mum me and my dad a lot of stress. Furthermore, my partner is coming across as a bit of a layabout - hes not really made any effort in us trying to get housing (before we found out about my money coming through) and now he knows we're getting the money he's been looking at expensive cars, so I am a bit worried about his intentions and whether I actually want to be in a long term relationship with someone as since having the baby he has been a handful like being jealous etc. I feel like I have handed a lot to him on a plate and that giving him half a house straight away is too much, I need to believe in his intentions a bit more.

Also I am under the impression I can do prenuptial before we buy (http://www.forbes.com/sites/moneybuilder/2012/03/30/prenuptial-agreements-for-cohabitants/) which could potentially 'protect' me and my child from being uprooted from the house for my partner to claim his percentage of too early (i.e. before our child reaches 18 or something).

Well pre-nups are not legally binding, the court will consider it along with other things.

Him being jealous is perfectly normal- it's the male equivalent of post natal depression.

And looking at expensive cars is quite normal, he's just window shopping I reckon. Kind of 'mid life' I'm now a dad and therefore my life as I knew it is over thing.

Finally bit harsh, for 3 years he's been sole Warner, hardly the time to consider or save for a house?

Cheeky_Monkey

starchild85 wrote: »

I've just been given a very large lump sum of money to buy a house by my mother, as I own half of her property and am unable to afford renting in London at the moment - basically my inheritance early. That is how comes he has been paying for me whilst I have been being a student. Before that I was earning twice the amount of him and absorbed most of the costs of living in London.

We were hand-fastened 3 years ago, but as suggested above, we do not like the establishment. But we were planning to have a quick registry wedding next year for tax reasons.

The reason why I am so iffy about it is because my mum and dad divorced after 20 years together and then had a 12 year long divorce over the house and it caused my mum me and my dad a lot of stress. Furthermore, my partner is coming across as a bit of a layabout - hes not really made any effort in us trying to get housing (before we found out about my money coming through) and now he knows we're getting the money he's been looking at expensive cars, so I am a bit worried about his intentions and whether I actually want to be in a long term relationship with someone as since having the baby he has been a handful like being jealous etc. I feel like I have handed a lot to him on a plate and that giving him half a house straight away is too much, I need to believe in his intentions a bit more.

Also I am under the impression I can do prenuptial before we buy (http://www.forbes.com/sites/moneybuilder/2012/03/30/prenuptial-agreements-for-cohabitants/) which could potentially 'protect' me and my child from being uprooted from the house for my partner to claim his percentage of too early (i.e. before our child reaches 18 or something).

That's what I like to see - a hopeless romantic :rotfl: