My social worker is advising me to put my son into voluntary care

Shelly193

My intention was to never write on here again after the fallout from the last time, nevertheless, a very dear old lady from here has given me assurances that what happened was only a blip, and I am safe to ask for advice this time.
I will keep any personal information minimal to avoid any speculation, nosiness and bickering.

My social worker has advised me to place my son into voluntary care until I am better. My family have been taking it in turns to care for him, due to state I am in currently.
I am taking some very strong medication, prescribed by my doctor. This is affecting my ability to care for my son. The last time I saw my son was last Tuesday, to give you an insight into how bad this situation is. My family can no longer take the slack. My sister has two of her own children to care for, and my parents are not able to look after him seven days a week because mom has MS, meaning she relies heavily on dad to look after her.

I feel awful for considering placing him into care. The social worker has given me confidence by making it clear this is only voluntary, and I can, at any time remove my son from care, should I wish to. What she is offering, is for me to receive counselling, and cognitive therapy until I am in a more capable position to care for my son again.
What I want to know is, if I do agree to place him into care, can I remove him at any time I wish?

To avoid any bickering, I will make it clear. I do not want any suggestions coaxing me into agreeing to do it, or, not agreeing to do it. All I want to know is, if removing him is as easy, as I am being told it is.

Raine_E_Day

Shelly193 wrote: »

My intention was to never write on here again after the fallout from the last time, nevertheless, a very dear old lady from here has given me assurances that what happened was only a blip, and I am safe to ask for advice this time.
I will keep any personal information minimal to avoid any speculation, nosiness and bickering.

My social worker has advised me to place my son into voluntary care until I am better. My family have been taking it in turns to care for him, due to state I am in currently.
I am taking some very strong medication, prescribed by my doctor. This is affecting my ability to care for my son. The last time I saw my son was last Tuesday, to give you an insight into how bad this situation is. My family can no longer take the slack. My sister has two of her own children to care for, and my parents are not able to look after him seven days a week because mom has MS, meaning she relies heavily on dad to look after her.

I feel awful for considering placing him into care. The social worker has given me confidence by making it clear this is only voluntary, and I can, at any time remove my son from care, should I wish to. What she is offering, is for me to receive counselling, and cognitive therapy until I am in a more capable position to care for my son again.
What I want to know is, if I do agree to place him into care, can I remove him at any time I wish?

To avoid any bickering, I will make it clear. I do not want any suggestions coaxing me into agreeing to do it, or, not agreeing to do it. All I want to know is, if removing him is as easy, as I am being told it is.

Hmmm.....what a strange opening paragraph. It's an invite for comment, especially after your last thread. I could pick the content to pieces but I won't bother.

Here is not the place to be asking whether it is 'easy' or not as we do not know your current situation, mental or otherwise, even if we can guess. What is obvious is the you need a lot of help and being 'easy' is irrelevant as it might not even be your decision in the end.

I suggest you discuss with your GP, Social Worker and Family, not this forum.

FBaby

I hope knowledgeable posters will come and tell you which agency you can turn to for support and advice.

I don't know anything about social services, but I do know that they will have your son's best interest at heart, not yours, so they could say things, which are not lies, but that can lead you to a false sense of security in regards to your interests. They will certainly encourage your son to return to you as soon as possible, but only if they believe that you are capable of caring for him, and that is where they could disagree with your opinion of this on this at some stage.

Remember though that you will always be better off working with them than against them.

pinkshoes

What do you think will be best for your son?

Chat it through with the social worker and perhaps ask to meet the family he will stay with.

I know an 11 year old boy who went into temporary care last summer due to his mum not being able to cope, and he did really well. he sees his mum regularly and will go back permanently when she feels ready. the family he stays with are lovely!

Lunar_Eclipse

There are people on here far better positioned to offer advice than me, but my instincts tell me "easy" is not a word typically associated with children and social services, but also that they shouldn't be lying. I would definitely get everything in writing though and not simply rely on what someone says.

Can your sister not take him temporarily? Or a friend/other relative? I would explicitly ask and not assume. Whilst taking another child in is not a small task, it might be done without hesitation if the alternative is care.

I wish you all the very best with this and your health. I know it must be very difficult; I trust you both get the care you need.

Guest101

I find it strange that the last time yu saw your son, the same day you wrote that thread and you didnt mention any of this.

If you have a social worker they would be trying to track down your mystery ex, because they pretty much have to.

They dont advise voluntary care for no reason, and so far you havent given a reason.

None of the services being 'offered' are provided by Local Authorities. So a social worker cannot garantee those.

in summary:

1: No it's not easy to remove, you sign over responsibility to the local authority, you probably wont see your child for many years to come
2: Not sure why you wouldnt have mentioned this earlier, the wellbeing of your child is much more important than tracking down your ex.
3: Need more information

& and finally - calling it at this point, that whilst these situations happen and the advice willbe relevant to many, this is classic drip feeding.

WantToBeSE

I was in foster care when i was younger (not voluntary), and there were a few children who were in the same home as me who were there for similar reasons as your son would be. Their parents were too ill to care for them.

Yes, as long as it's voluntary, you would be able to remove your son at any time, so long as you are better and able to care for him.

I recommend that you ask your social worker about what would have to happen in order for you to get him back. For example, would you have to stop taking certain meds, would your illness have to be managed to the point that you can look after him again etc.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Rambosmum

Yes and no, it is not as easy as your post suggests, e.g. you couldn't turn up at his foster home and collect him (well, legally you could, but it would be a very very very bad idea likely resulting in your son being removed in to none-voluntary care) . There is a process to go through, which will include the social worker ensuring that you are able to look after your son again - this is for the benefit of your son, to ensure safety and stability for him. For example turning up and taking him without notice would suggest that you are not well and not thinking about the best interest of your son. However saying to the social worker 'I'm feeling much better, I've stake for x number of weeks and feel able to care for my son again' is much more likely for him to be returned without much issue.

I feel that in your current situation the stability of a good foster home is better than what you are currently having to do to cope with him - think about what is best for your son. Which from what you have written is for him to be in a stable home whilst you take time to get yourself better so that you can be the parent you want to be and that your son needs.

Good luck.

Tropez

It probably won't be. I wouldn't trust a word a social worker said about anything.

But social workers did try and ruin my life so I'm a bit biased.

silvercar

Would you need to prove, to social services satisfaction, that you are well enough to take your son back? If so, what happens if you feel you are ready and your social worker doesn't agree?

soolin

Shelly193 wrote: »

My intention was to never write on here again after the fallout from the last time, nevertheless, a very dear old lady from here has given me assurances that what happened was only a blip, and I am safe to ask for advice this time.
I will keep any personal information minimal to avoid any speculation, nosiness and bickering.

My social worker has advised me to place my son into voluntary care until I am better. My family have been taking it in turns to care for him, due to state I am in currently.
I am taking some very strong medication, prescribed by my doctor. This is affecting my ability to care for my son. The last time I saw my son was last Tuesday, to give you an insight into how bad this situation is. My family can no longer take the slack. My sister has two of her own children to care for, and my parents are not able to look after him seven days a week because mom has MS, meaning she relies heavily on dad to look after her.

I feel awful for considering placing him into care. The social worker has given me confidence by making it clear this is only voluntary, and I can, at any time remove my son from care, should I wish to. What she is offering, is for me to receive counselling, and cognitive therapy until I am in a more capable position to care for my son again.
What I want to know is, if I do agree to place him into care, can I remove him at any time I wish?

To avoid any bickering, I will make it clear. I do not want any suggestions coaxing me into agreeing to do it, or, not agreeing to do it. All I want to know is, if removing him is as easy, as I am being told it is.

I do not think a forum is the best place to get the advice you seek. Even if everyone assured you that it would be easy to reclaim your son that would be of no use to you if there was something else that later prevented this from happening. You are right not to over share in here, this is not the place, but ultimately that means no one here can do anything other than speculate.

Also by specifying what responders can and can't say you limit the people who will respond.

Get proper independent advice, do not rely on Internet forums for such an important decision.