Poor Treatment of Elderly Relative - Suggestions?

stokesley

I'm just back from taking an elderly, (almost)blind and pretty deaf relative to the surgery for his annual review. Before retirement he was a graduate chemist, and his marbles are firmly intact.

The nurse we saw started off asking questions by muttering into her screen while gazing intently at it, not him. He politely told her he was deaf, but could hear perfectly if she raised her voice a little and looked at him when she spoke. This was her cue to channel all her subsequent medical questions through me, treating him as though he was either invisible or dim.

He is pretty upset about this, as am I; treatment like this does occasionally happen, but in the past only by those who don't know any better, not a category she should fall into. Any suggestions as to how I should follow it up, probably without actually dropping her in it, would be most welcome.

pollypenny

Drop her in it. She deserves it, being so rude and uncaring to any patient.

I'd have a word with the practice manager. Just gently mentioning your concerns. If it's a one off she'll get a reminder, but if she operates that way regularly, she'll get the rocket she needs.

Poppy9

I don't understand why you didn't say anything to her at the time. I would have politely but firmly told her he would prefer you speak directly to him and so please comply his request to speak clearly and raise your voice slightly. Afterwards I would have told her that I was not happy with her behaviour and that you would take the matter up with the practice manager.

So now you have to go to the practice manager behind her back which I'm not fond of doing but I would still do it as it's not acceptable.

BlueEyedGirl

I experienced this yesterday with my dad at an NHS appointment with a nurse practitioner. She spoke to me, made eye contact with me and barely even looked or spoke with my dad, he's late 60's and perfectly capable of communicating with a medical professional.

iammumtoone

I would say something but I do feel slightly sorry for the nurse as whilst she was in the wrong, she wasn't given the change to rectify her mistake.

As soon as she started talking to you, instead of answering it would have been better if you had replied she should ask your relative as he was quite capable of answering the questions himself if she spoke directly to him and raised her voice.

As it has happened there is nothing you can do about it now but I think you should speak the the practice manager for your relatives sake, hes needs an apology so this incident does not knock his confidence for future conversations he needs to have with the medical profession.

Good luck.

hollydays

Poppy9 wrote: »

I don't understand why you didn't say anything to her at the time. I would have politely but firmly told her he would prefer you speak directly to him and so please comply his request to speak clearly and raise your voice slightly. Afterwards I would have told her that I was not happy with her behaviour and that you would take the matter up with the practice manager.

So now you have to go to the practice manager behind her back which I'm not fond of doing but I would still do it as it's not acceptable.

Why should another adult have to reiterate what a senior adult has stated?Like as though they are a child that's to be spoken up for.

Mojisola

stokesley wrote: »

The nurse we saw started off asking questions by muttering into her screen while gazing intently at it, not him.

He politely told her he was deaf, but could hear perfectly if she raised her voice a little and looked at him when she spoke.

This was her cue to channel all her subsequent medical questions through me, treating him as though he was either invisible or dim.

No-one should need training or reminding that complying with a patient's reasonable request is the right way to behave!

I also would have repeated what your relative had said to her the first time she addressed me instead of him. I've had to do that in the past when I was taking my parents to medical appointments.

If they didn't get the message, I found that turning and looking at my parent while the nurse/doctor was talking made them look at and address my parent directly.

tomtontom

hollydays wrote: »

Why should another adult have to reiterate what a senior adult has stated?Like as though they are a child that's to be spoken up for.

They shouldn't have to, that's the point of the thread, but it would have been the simplest way to address/ remedy the situation.

hollydays

tomtontom wrote: »

They shouldn't have to, that's the point of the thread, but it would have been the simplest way to address/ remedy the situation.

This about lack of respect. It's something that should be inherent .
I'd give people like this very short shrift.

iammumtoone

hollydays wrote: »

Why should another adult have to reiterate what a senior adult has stated?Like as though they are a child that's to be spoken up for.

They shouldn't have to I think everyone has agreed on that. However looking at it from the side of the nurse I am sure they get a lot of elderly patients that come in with another adult purely for the reason the elderly person needs that adult there as they are not capable of managing the consultation themselves. Of course in this instance when the patient spoke up advising they were happy and able to be spoken to directly the nurse should have taken notice but maybe she misunderstood what the patient had said/meant so a gentle reminder would have been helpful.

In the case of my Nan, my aunt would go with her and would have the opposite issue. My Nan would keep insisting the nurse spoke to her but didn't always tell the truth so my aunt would need to interrupt to tell the nurse the answers meaning my Nan would have a go at my aunt for interfering! I bet that situation is quite common.

elsien

If your relative has all his marbles, then surely it's down to him to take action (with your support) if he wishes? It's really his choice as to whether or not he wants to make any sort of follow up. Otherwise you are disempowering him as much as the nurse did.

I did get chucked out of a hospital appointment once, years ago, when accompanying a woman with a mild learning disability who was perfectly capable of talking for herself - I was there just for moral support. The very rude consultant kept referring to her as !!!!!!, refused to speak to her directly and told us to leave when I declined to answer for her. You'd hope not to be in a similar situation nowadays but there's still sometimes the odd one.