How to say no

Freeraine

I suspect the two teenagers are keeping their plans quiet until they can present the package to their respective parents, as a fait accompli (" We're moving out and we're going to stay with Aunt until we can find jobs and a home. Byeeeee!") If I were the lad's mother, then I wouldn't be best pleased.

The point is that you DON'T have a spare bedroom. Your eldest still needs a base in his home for a very long time yet. You don't know what the future holds for him, or how often he'll want to get away and spend time at home. You remove that option for him, if you pack away his things and take in the teenage couple.

Personally, I would reply something very short and emphatic by text, without any explantion whatsoever. "Can't do it. Good luck to both of you."

Alikay

I'd say no. Your son hasn't moved out: He's at uni, and as such his room is still his room. I'd offer to help the nephew look around local area, give him a bit of support when he moves to your city, for example have them over for an occasional meal, let him use your washing machine once a week etc, but not come and live with you - you haven't got space, and your responsibility is to your son, not your sister's.

gadjah543

Thanks everyone, you have really helped me clarify my thoughts. So glad I came on here to ask. It had never occurred to me that I don't have a spare room anyway - just one awaiting it's original owner. So I texted her and kept it brief saying I had thought about it and I was sorry but I couldn't help ( no explanation as suggested) Haven't had a reply back but feel better for having dealt with it. Thanks again

splishsplash

Ah, I see you've already answered.

I was going to suggest you get back in touch saying you can't fit them in but you're happy to help them get started.
Something like 'I've had a quick scout locally, one bed flats seem to start at £xxx per month + £xxx deposit/security and costs for utilities run about £xxx pm.
The job situation locally is good/bad/indifferent, word is things will be better in a year or two - what are you and *nephew* qualified to do? Want me to run a quick check in those areas?'

I think nephew is probably aware of the huge cheek involved in asking on behalf of both of them, and is probably too embarrassed to ask you himself.

Topcat1982

gadjah543 wrote: »

Forgot to mention that in the original message they asked me to keep quiet about this until they had decided what they wanted to do. I am pretty sure my sister wouldn't be prepared to subsidize them as it is completely different circumstances to last year.

Sounds like there's something they're not telling you.

Gavin83

Yep something dodgy going on here. She could well be pregnant, they could have just fallen out with parents. If she is pregnant the last thing you want is a new born around the house because you feel even worse about kicking out a young pregnant woman.

Also why you? Is your area much better for job prospects?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If she's just started college, doesn't that mean she's only 16?

Not letting a 16 year old girl waste her future and shack up with a boyfriend who won't be around by the time she finishes puberty is a good enough reason for anyone who queries your decision.

Bet her parents won't let her have him stay over every day - who'd want their daughter's jobless 19 year old new boyfriend, (but already engaged), not even studying, moving in?

zarf2007

Tbh don't put yourself in the position of having them even for a weekend because it's harder to get rid then. You did right with the txt, if they push it just day 'sorry, no room'. Always best avoid speaking to them as they could manipulate you into agreeing to their stay so ignore their phone calls.

lika_86

Message back: "I'm sorry, it's just not possible. However, if you get an interview here and it's early in the morning then you're welcome to crash on the sofa the night before. Also, let me know if you're ever in [your city/town] as I'd love to meet [girlfriend]".

missbiggles1

Contact your sister and tell her what's happening - you may need to support each other in this.