Do I support my friend?

thriftyemma

A good friend of mine recently lost her job. She has to work, as her OH's income is not enough to cover their outgoings. As she has two children she decided it made financial sense to get a job working from home. This is where it gets a bit uncomfortable.

She has signed up to several home selling companies. You know the like, a tuppaware party in the comfort of your own home. The 'consultant' gets to flog you overpriced tat for a slice of the takings, you get to drink cheap, warm wine and listen for hours about the wonders of the squoval casserole tub.

I am not a great fan of these companies (can you tell?), but generally tolerate them if a friend is having one at their house. I have recently been inundated by this friend with requests to come to her house for a party/host a party at my house/recommend some contacts etc. I dislike this partly as it preys on my desire to help out my friend. I feel like I'm subsidising my friend's living costs, by being guilt-tripped into buying unwanted tat.

I now find myself with a new problem. One of the companies my friend has joined is one I really disagree with. The products they sell are very expensive and (imo) worthless. They also have very aggressive selling and recruitment tactics, and their business model is bordering on a pyramid scheme. I do not wish to have any part of this, but don't know what to do about it.

As I see it, I have three options
1. Bite my tongue and support my friend in her time of need
2. Make excuses to not attend the selling parties for this particular company
3. Tell my friend why I don't wish to be involved.

Each has it's own pros and cons, and I am at a complete loss. Any advice and suggestions welcome.

splishsplash

I would say if she is your friend, bite your tongue and respect her choice to do what she's doing.

I would have no problem with letting her know you will not support the particular company you object to.
Personally, I would rather chew glass than host one of those parties, but that's just me...

WRT financially supporting her choices, then I guess you can pick and choose your way with a little care. It will probably mean you end up with some tat you don't want, but if you can live with that, then so what?

CKgeordieinlondon

I suspect I know which company you mean.

I'd go for option three, make sure you tell your friend exactly why you don't like the company and also advise her to get out of it.

Pixie5740

I hate these kind of parties too. There are a handful of people who are successful at hosting these kind of parties because they can sell to just about anyone, not just their nearest and dearest.

I would go for option 3 and tell your friend that whilst you want to support her as a friend this company is just not one you can support. It is tough but I think it's better to be honest than having to continually come up with excuses as to why you can't attend.

DigForVictory

If she's that cherished a friend, you support her up to a point. Like one party a month.
If you feel that strongly about one of the businesses (and fair enough) say OK to A, B & C, but absolutely not Z. Or it's no to the lot. Slightly depends on how much your ethics clash with your friendship but a little moral suasion may be what keeps you talking to each other.

You have, as any good friend would, pointed her here for moneysaving ideas & advice?

jaylee3

Option 3 without a shadow of a doubt. Tell her you have some cash flow difficulties at the mo and can't afford to buy anything.

I think we all know (or have known) someone like this. I used to know a girl who, along with her husband, tried to drag me (and DH) into a pyramid scheme. She phoned me one night and said me and Ian have something really exciting to share with you, can we come see you both?

We thought she was having a baby (they had been trying for 3 years,) or they had won the lottery, but no, it was the terribly exciting news that they were now self employed, and WE could get in on the act! :j

I think you know the rest of the story. :rotfl:

Suffice to say, we never joined in with the pyramid scheme they had joined.

As others have said, you could go to the occasional one, (every few months,) but I feel it's easier to say a flat no. If she is a real friend, she will accept your decision to not come.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

If you have serious misgivings about a particular company, I wouldn't make vague excuses but would state clearly why you have a problem with that "party", and say others may have too. A good friend will respect your reasons (no idea what this might be though- intrigued!).

Then grit your teeth and go along to a couple of the inoffensive tat parties and buy a cheap item. I'm skeptical about how profitable these can actually be though, and whether they can replace a proper income. Perhaps you could suggest helping your friend in more practical ways; giving a second opinion on her CV or babysitting while she goes to interviews?

soolin

Option 3 definitely , these party plan sales are a guaranteed way to lose friends- better you sit down over a cup of coffee and explain to her that this is perhaps not a way forward.

Perhaps even explain that instead of buying these items you will contribute more effectively by say, buying extra veg or fruit when you are shopping and drop it round for the children.

These party plan ideas work on guilt, don't get caught up.

bagpussbear

I'd be honest, and go for option 3.

Just say that you are sorry, but you don't agree with the company's ethics.

You never know, it might get her thinking about the company more, and what they represent, and change her mind about doing it?

FBaby

I too would take option 3 but would not go into the details of your dislike. I would just say that I am on a tight budget and really do not need any of the items so however much I wish her good luck with her business, I would rather not come at this one, but will come if she sells something that would consider buying otherwise.

academiablues

I think "support" means different things to different people. You can be emotionally supportive of your friend and her difficulties without also being financially supportive of something that you disagree with. Like others have said, a tight budget (or just genuinely not wanting or needing any tupperware/expensive make-up/other odds and ends) is a very good reason and should hopefully stop her from pushing you too much.