How to ask for money from someone with a family crisis

pmlindyloo

Law_girl wrote: »

Thank you for the answers. I think I will wait. You can never truly know someone else's circumstances (financial or otherwise) but he is a top level executive and they often take weekend breaks abroad etc. (not now, obviously) so I would not have thought he is unable to pay. I think the non-payment is down to distraction/forgetfulness.

I hope you will forgive me for saying this but I have a feeling that you do not have children

You seem to be concentrating on how 'well off' the guy is and the 'distraction/forgetfulness' comment is a little simplistic.

I am sure you didn't mean to sound like this (forums are notorious for getting the 'wrong' message across) but it does appear that you have very little idea of what having a very sick child means to anyone - poor or rich.

I am somewhat biased having been there and 'got the t-shirt' and trust me no one can prepare you for how devastating this can be. Your 'normal' life comes to a complete standstill.

Sorry, if this sounds judgemental but am glad you have come to a sympathetic decision.

Law_girl

pmlindyloo wrote: »

You seem to be concentrating on how 'well off' the guy is and the 'distraction/forgetfulness' comment is a little simplistic.

I was responding to a post above asking whether he may not be paying because he can not afford to. I am sorry if it came across as simplistic - I was simply trying to address that point.

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I am somewhat biased having been there and 'got the t-shirt' and trust me no one can prepare you for how devastating this can be. Your 'normal' life comes to a complete standstill.

I am sorry you have gone through that. It must have been an awful time.

jaylee3

It is a bit awkward isn't it law girl? But I would say maybe what others have said: if you are not desperate for the money, then leave it for now. You can always resend them in a couple of months if he doesn't pay. A child who needs an amputation?! :eek:

I feel so much for this guy (and the kiddies and the mum,) but if you don't need the money; leave it for a couple of months...

duchy

It sounds judgmental and bit naive .

Would you expect your boss not to pay you if he was distracted by personal issues ?
Would you expect Sky not to turn off your services if you were too distracted to pay your bills ?

Nice though it would be if the world just stopped when crisis hits us - it simply isn't the case. Life does go on and whilst allowances can be made the reality is if you have your own business you need to keep it running even between hospital visits etc (I say this as someone who was spending part of every day in intensive care with my Mum for weeks - but I still needed to work, get my son to and from school, pay the bills etc. Did I forget or not have time to do some things - yes but I didn't expect to not pay them and apologized when I slipped up. At the time I was also dealing with my marriage breaking up and my son's autism diagnosis. Life is hard sometimes but you have to keep the wheels turning no matter how much you'd rather not have to even think about the mundane)

In the grown up world we have our responsibilities regardless and for you to abuse the OP in the way you have is unacceptable.....and as for the condescension in "I guess you don't have children" My reply is I guess you don't have empathy or manners.

The OP posted very sensitively and didn't deserve your response. I too "have the t-shirt" and your post made me really angry. Odds are the bloke has just forgotten and resending the invoice will get it sorted out in time and he'll probably be horrified he forgot and appreciate the fact the OP waited patiently for him to get to it and appreciate the reminder.I know I would have done in that situation.

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I hope you will forgive me for saying this but I have a feeling that you do not have children

You seem to be concentrating on how 'well off' the guy is and the 'distraction/forgetfulness' comment is a little simplistic.

I am sure you didn't mean to sound like this (forums are notorious for getting the 'wrong' message across) but it does appear that you have very little idea of what having a very sick child means to anyone - poor or rich.

I am somewhat biased having been there and 'got the t-shirt' and trust me no one can prepare you for how devastating this can be. Your 'normal' life comes to a complete standstill.

Sorry, if this sounds judgemental but am glad you have come to a sympathetic decision.

fairy_lights

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I am sure you didn't mean to sound like this (forums are notorious for getting the 'wrong' message across) but it does appear that you have very little idea of what having a very sick child means to anyone - poor or rich.

I'm sure the OP can appreciate what a difficult time this is for her employer, but likewise him not paying the invoices could be interpreted as him having very little idea of what £200 means to someone who's not very well of.
If the child is sick enough that they may need an amputation then things are unlikely to improve for quite some time, if OP doesn't mention the invoices now then things could take a turn for the worse making it even harder to broach the subject.

pmlindyloo

duchy wrote: »

It sounds judgmental and bit naive .

Would you expect your boss not to pay you if he was distracted by personal issues ?
Would you expect Sky not to turn off your services if you were too distracted to pay your bills ?

Nice though it would be if the world just stopped when crisis hits us - it simply isn't the case. Life does go on and whilst allowances can be made the reality is if you have your own business you need to keep it running even between hospital visits etc (I say this as someone who was spending part of every day in intensive care with my Mum for weeks - but I still needed to work, get my son to and from school, pay the bills etc. Did I forget or not have time to do some things - yes but I didn't expect to not pay them and apologized when I slipped up. At the time I was also dealing with my marriage breaking up and my son's autism diagnosis. Life is hard sometimes but you have to keep the wheels turning no matter how much you'd rather not have to even think about the mundane)

In the grown up world we have our responsibilities regardless and for you to abuse the OP in the way you have is unacceptable.....and as for the condescension in "I guess you don't have children" My reply is I guess you don't have empathy or manners.

The OP posted very sensitively and didn't deserve your response. I too "have the t-shirt" and your post made me really angry. Odds are the bloke has just forgotten and resending the invoice will get it sorted out in time and he'll probably be horrified he forgot and appreciate the fact the OP waited patiently for him to get to it and appreciate the reminder.I know I would have done in that situation.

Whoah...........

I apologise unreservedly if I have caused any offence. I did say 'forgive me' and I recognised that posts on a forum can come across as saying something that was not quite intended.

As for saying 'have been there and got the t shirt' I am not sure why that has caused you offence. Just a phrase and not meant to be anything other than that.

I do agree that life has to go on and we all have difficult things to deal with.

I won't go on as I have no wish to turn this into a long thread.

My apologies to you and the OP once again.

Law_girl

pmlindyloo

I did not take offence. The beauty of a forum is that you can get views from thousands of perspectives. Your experiences are yours and colour how you see things.

duchy

Law_girl wrote: »

pmlindyloo

I did not take offence. The beauty of a forum is that you can get views from thousands of perspectives. Your experiences are yours and colour how you see things.

True

Ten people can have the same experience and react ten different ways.
Lindy's post definitely pushed my buttons -partly because it brought back memories of how tough that time was for me .........and honestly in that situation when I forgot stuff I much preferred a gentle reminder to realizing much later I'd let someone down and having to deal with guilt as well !
In some ways as this is a business transaction it's more straightforward than if you were close friends though IMO.

Beckyy

I'd wait until October then sent out another invoice with a handwritten know saying you know it's been a difficult time so there's no immediate hurry but you're just keeping up to date on your work. As long as he isn't financial trouble due to his child's illness I wouldn't write it off, although I would be very lenient with when to expect it.

Wilma33

If you are not desperate for the money I would leave it until he next asks you to do some more work (so you know his mind is back on work) and then accept the work but remind him about the outstanding invoices.