Food & board dilemma with 19yrs old son

2

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  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    silvercar wrote: »
    Personally I wouldn't charge board to my children to live with me, unless I was short of money.

    Personally, I wouldn't want to live off my parents' wages after I started earning myself.
  • banjowanjo
    banjowanjo Posts: 5 Forumite
    edited 27 September 2015 at 11:33AM
    Thanks for your message Happy MJ. I do agree a harder line is needed. I'd thought of putting the amount up after a while but getting him to pay anything would be a start.

    HappyMJ and ToriP - thanks. Yes he's definitely not appreciating the value of money with things as they are. Changing the lock is something I am considering.

    Thank you to everyone for your replies. They're really useful. There's a strong theme about explaining the value of money. I have done this and tried to explain the cost of things but he doesn't stick around to listen. He literally walks away but I have tried.

    Over three weeks ago I sent him accommodation lists to show him the cost of lodging. Three weeks ago I emailed him notice to leave after four weeks if he didn't pay me £20 on each and every Saturday, cash, transfer ...whichever. I have send a reminder each of the two following Saturdays but he ignores them.

    Next Saturday is the final one, after which I will change the locks and pack his things up. Very sad but he's had every opportunity. I'm pleased to see that almost everyone would have taken a very similar approach.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    banjowanjo wrote: »
    Thanks for your message Happy MJ. I do agree a harder line is needed. I'd thought of putting the amount up after a while but getting him to pay anything would be a start.

    Have you ever talked to him about the costs involved in running a home?

    If he just sees you taking his money, he might stay resentful. If he understands just how much everything costs, he should realise how lucky he is.
  • Yes that's a good point to try to change how he views it. I think I have really but will try again.
  • Thanks silvercar. I'm sure many might agree with you. However, I view the role of being a parent as preparing your children for their own indpendent life, with all that this means in terms of preparing them for the costs of living. I don't agree that it is my role to keep them at home and dependent on me. That's unfair to them and speaks volumes about my own needs by having my children needing me. I believe children should contribute money and I believe that begins when they start to earn. This doesn't mean I don't want the best for them. They should contribute and even take on some responsibilities. I think that if they don't leanrn that lesson - by some means or other - then they are being set up for a difficult time. So whilst I could allow him to continue rent free I don't think I would be doing the right think by him as his father. But I came here with my problem to hear how others would cope and so I appreciate your reply - many thanks.
  • GwylimT, I'd though of saving half the money too to help him with a housing deposit one day. It emphasises that the main thing is him taking responsibility.
  • silvercar wrote: »
    Personally I wouldn't charge board to my children to live with me, unless I was short of money.

    Would you share your home with a partner who made no financial contribution to the household?
  • ToriP
    ToriP Posts: 168 Forumite
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    I'm interested as to why he owns three cars?
  • izzy65
    izzy65 Posts: 2,862 Forumite
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    My own experience, I never charged my kids any board for staying at home, with my ds I made him save when he had a part time job but he was in and out of employment so his saving soon went, that said he is not the best saver, when he moved his girlfriend in I honestly thought they were saving , no not a penny, he now has a flat of his own so pays everything himself and did not suffer from being carried by his dad and me and appreciates what it means to have a mortgage etc, my dd on the other hand left school and refused to go to uni, went straight into full time employment and has saved 18k plus at the age of 23 , and drives a very nice car which she pays for, I think it's down to the type they are, some are money savvy some are not.
    The person who never makes a mistake never learns anything.
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
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    silvercar wrote: »
    Personally I wouldn't charge board to my children to live with me, unless I was short of money.

    Do you actually have any children, silvercar? How old are they?

    Once a child becomes an adult - and the lad in question is adult enough to own three cars - s/he should be self-financing. The Bank of Mum & Dad will be open forever with your children at this rate!
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