Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

whitewing

Anybody

http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/ostrich-socks/

whitewing

I will have a look for Escapette over the weekend, welly. (I assume you already have one of those baby gym things?)

For present-buying WaSp, although this may have to be a present from another family member as it's too much of the budget.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B009T2YDSK/?!!!!!691-21

and this is on offer at the moment, but again quite a chunk of the budget

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B009VBCKNO/?!!!!!691-21

http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/sloth-tea-infuser/

http://www.awesomeinventions.com/shop/sloth-socks/

Pyxis

Whitewing, I think you could keep China going single-handedly!

whitewing

So much more fun to shop when it's not your own money!

Waves_and_Smiles

Morning all. Things could be better here, my mental health isn't great. I expected it but I really don't have time for this, I have a WaSp to look after! I have spent the last few hours cuddled under a blanket with my head in my hands or walking around touching and smelling things and trying to ground myself. Nothing is wrong, it's chemical but it's very hard to keep track of my thoughts and keep them rational. I will wake WaSp if I need to but I am trying to avoid it. I have taken some medication but everything is telling me not to and it makes me angry if I think about it. Tiny penguin Unless I think of taking too much of course, which feels happy and exciting like an adventure. Don't worry, I won't do it. End penguin. I am also completely aware that, that is psychosis and not logical. I am now blasting music at 8am, sorry neighbours but I need to block my thoughts.

Don't anyone worry, I will be fine. It's nothing new, in fact I am so used to it that a healthy bit of me stands back and gets really frustrated with it. If all else fails I will take enough anti-psychotics to pass out. If I go quiet consider me asleep. Hope everyone is ok today!

Pyxis

Big hugs WaS

((((((((((((((((WaS)))))))))))))))))

tea_lover

Hugs WaS, hope you've managed to take some (right amount!) medication and that it does the trick soon. I just popped on here to tell you we had some snow in the night. V tiny amount but I saw it and thought of you Take care xx

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you Pyxis and tea, I needed a hug. I am going to penguin the next bit, it's easier for me to write about psychosis when it present because the memories go quickly when my chemicals improve. I am hoping this might be useful to someone who has similar thoughts and help ground me from living inside my own head.

Penguin, probably a CBP-

There are several things that are difficult, not least the tug of war between the healthy part of me and the part that isn't well. I will have thoughts and emotions that are bizarre and then tell myself not to act on them because I am not well and to ground myself. Then a few minutes later I get lost in thoughts again and the whole process repeats. This has been going on for hours and it so tiring.

From the point of psychosis my thoughts are very extreme and my emotions aren't appropriate to them. For example hurting myself in anyway at all feels like winning the lottery. When I think of it I feel a rush of excitement and I cannot stop myself from smiling, it feels like a child would feel at a happy surprise. There is little sense of danger, almost a feeling of being invincible. Something healthy like taking my emergency medication makes me angry, I want to throw things when I think of it. I have no idea why, the emotion isn't attached to anything other than it is something I feel I must fight against.

There are also very strange thoughts like I want to draw all over the walls, horrid words about how much I hate myself. But no real sense of an emotional self-hatred? It just feels like it would really be fun. Also the feeling of wanting to smash everything in the flat, just to release some energy and push it out of me. On top of that the odd thought that perhaps I do have power over life and death, perhaps I am not of this world? Or perhaps I could cross dimensions and go back in time and put everything right. Perhaps I am just thoughts with no substance at all and as I am now is how I should be?

Don't anyone panic. There is also the healthy me writing this that tells me not to do any of the above and stop being stupid, but that doesn't curb the thoughts or emotions at all. As I said, it's a constant tug of war in my mind. What I am actually doing is gluing myself to the sofa and not doing anything until this stops. I am also incredibly frustrated and angry at myself that I can't be medicated properly because of my sensitivity to drugs. I am tired of this happening. I have felt my mental health become worse over the last couple of days as my chemicals messed up and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. If I take the emergency medication too soon and too often I risk permanent side effects from it because it is such an old anti-psychotic, I have to stick to minimal doses. Which means every now and then this happens and of course, I am stuck with auditory hallucinations all the time. It is very frustrating.

Now I am going to fight myself and take another pill. WaSp will be awake anytime now. This is the last thing the poor man needs. With any luck I will fall asleep soon and the anti-psychotics can do their magic.

End penguin

Pyxis

Here's a snow globe to be going on with........

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, Pyxis! That is beautiful! Thank you!